Trouble with relationships
One thing my husband points out is that I have spent our entire relationship with one foot out the door. Fair enough. My grandmother has been married 6 times and acts as if your worth as a woman is based on your husband and your weight. Despite the fact that I feel completely responsible for caring for my husband even though I no longer want to be with him, I find that I tend to keep an eye open for a better mate. Part of me hates the idea of ever getting married again and possibly depending on a man and the other part desperately wants someone to love me and take care of me. I want someone that can take care of things, so I don't have to. Not that I wouldn't but I want someone that can and will do it if I can't. I want a true partner. I don't have that. I find myself being open to finding it even though I am still married. I try to stop myself from thinking that way. Sometimes it happens before I realize it and sometimes, I just daydream about finding what I want.
I don't know why I am writing this. I guess I just need to get it out of my head.
@AllTheBeautifulPieces
There are many reasons people are in marriages but not receiving the equal partner we want. the longer we give and do not share what we need the less likely it is to change.
i think like friendships as well sometimes we need more then we receive ........and sometimes our friends do not know what or how to give us what we want. we may need to express what we need or when we need the support.
I think many might daydream or think about another partner that fulfills our needs but how do they know without us telling them as well. ..... everyone has flaws and a new person may seem wonderful until we see their flaw too......
do we keep looking again and again..... or do we communicate and stop giving all hoping the person clues in and reciprocates the favors and deeds.
@toughTiger6481
I see your point. I have told him that I need a partner, that I need help. At one point in our relationship, I was the only one working and the only one doing housework. Everything fell to me. Now he claims he can't help because of his disability. I get that. He has trou0ble standing or walking for long periods of time. He could fold laundry sitting down. He can clean most of the bathroom sitting down. It isn't ideal but I've loaded the dishwasher sitting down before so he could do that as well. When we moved recently, he only packed 2 boxes. One was a shoe box and the other was stuff that he kept beside the bed. He hasn't unpacked anything, and we have been here over a month. Asking him for help is an argument we have been having for years. I'm tired of talking about it with him because it might change for a couple of days and then he's right back to the way he was. I have done so much over the last few years to make sure he has been taken care of through a septic infection in his leg, cancer in his through, a knee surgery that has required 3 addition surgeries due to infection. On 2 separate occasions I have taken care of his PICC line. I make sure he tells the doctors everything that is going on. I documented all the times he passed out when the neurologist couldn't figure out why. All of this after I told him I wanted a divorce years ago. I didn't do it for kudos. I did it because that is what I said I would do during our vows. I just wish he would try as hard for me. I have asked, I have begged, I have been hospitalized due to the stress of carrying everything. I know some of it is my fault for letting it go so long but now he knows.
