I am a mom, stepmom, and now step grandmother. I have a husband that I have a very complicated relationship with. I love him but he's never been one to help around the house and had a difficult time staying employed.  in 2019 I had finally reached my limit and told him I was on my way to filing for divorce.  A couple of weeks later we found out he had cancer.  After cancer, he was hospitalized for cellulitis in his leg that went septic. He was discharged 2 weeks before the world shut down for COVID.  When our local hospital finally was opening up for non-emergency surgeries, we were able to get his knee replaced which honestly should have been done years ago but doctors kept putting it off due to his age (he is 18 years older than I am) or his weight.  They had to go back in 2 more times in the 3 months after the surgery because he kept getting infections.  At this point my mental health started deteriorating and I left my job because I wasn't able to do my job anymore. I did go back to a different job a few months later but after a year I ended up leaving because I was having regular panic attacks. My husband has required a lot of care because his knee didn't heal properly after the last surgery and then we lost insurance when I left my job. He did do some substitute teaching over this past school year but over the summer he had to have his knee opened up again due to another infection. I love him but I hate being in this relationship. I'm angry that I have a husband that isn't a partner. I understand that part of it is his disability, but he also doesn't try to find ways to help. I feel too guilty to leave because I can't tell our 9-year-old daughter that something happened to daddy because mommy wouldn't take care of him anymore.  I also can't leave because I am unemployed at the moment.  It's hard to find something working for home that won't trigger my anxiety while I am working with my psychiatrist to get stable again. 

For fun, I like to knit or crochet.  I also read and play various games on my phone.