Today's Been Relatively Alright I Guess

Not quite sure where to put this little ramble, but I feel really proud for once and I wanna hold onto this for as long as I can. This might be a bit long, I apologize in advance.

A good friend of mine once encouraged me to think more positively. She said "Just clear your mind and tell yourself you can do it" (I was going through an extremely rough patch that day). Today, I was learning some new piano pieces for a last-minute accompaniment (I had to learn these pieces in less than 6 hours. There were 5 of them). I remembered what my friend said and I gave it a try.

At first, it hurt, like REALLY hurt. I've been hard on myself for such a long time that my mind just immediately rejected any sort of positivity. I countered the encouragement with stuff like "no, that's a lie, you're incapable" and "no, you don't deserve to do this". I was very close to having another breakdown.

BUT after a particularly good run-through of one of the pieces, something clicked, and I told myself "hey, maybe I can do this". I felt kinda warm and fuzzy (idk how to describe it?) and kept practicing. I kept telling myself "I can do this" regardless of how well every run-through went, and after the performance this evening, I felt and still feel pretty good. I know my mood will eventually return to its previous diminished state, and I know I'll go back to thinking that I'm nothing, but I think today was a small reminder that I am capable of doing things.

Sorry for the long post, I've been really excited about this all day haha. I'll end it here. To anyone reading this, take care