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CentreMid
4,097 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 140 Compassion hearts135 Forum posts393 Forum upvotes521 Current upvotes521 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2020 Member sinceAugust 23, 2018
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Just some random thoughts I suppose (oof)
Journals & Diaries / by CentreMid
Last post
 November 29th, 2018
...See more I feel really all over the place today. At least it's not as chaotic as yesterday. I seem to be having an easier time containing my emotions and attitdue today. The feelings and my scatterbrained-ness are still there but I'm finding it easier to mask them. Maybe it's because I'm so tired? Maybe it's because I had a coffee? I don't really know. I haven't seen my my friend (I will refer to her as K) yet today, I hope she's alright. I know she's not doing the best right now either. Maybe I'll see her this evening. She's really cute. She really brightens my day :) I still have to retun those socks I bought. I'm still over the budget for secret santa but if I buy a cheaper pair of socks, it won't be as much. I still can't believe I picked my crush's name! I got her everything she wanted plus a surprise because she mentioned that she liked surprises. It's a scarf. Now I gotta figure out what to do for wrapping. I found the perfect cardboard box to put everything but I wanna make it look pretty like her! Oh! I still have to pay K back for that coffee yesterday. I get paid on Sunday though... I hope she's ok with waiting for a few more days. This post is getting a little long... I feel like I should end it but there's so much I wanna say haha.
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Today's Been Relatively Alright I Guess
Journals & Diaries / by CentreMid
Last post
 November 3rd, 2018
...See more Not quite sure where to put this little ramble, but I feel really proud for once and I wanna hold onto this for as long as I can. This might be a bit long, I apologize in advance. A good friend of mine once encouraged me to think more positively. She said "Just clear your mind and tell yourself you can do it" (I was going through an extremely rough patch that day). Today, I was learning some new piano pieces for a last-minute accompaniment (I had to learn these pieces in less than 6 hours. There were 5 of them). I remembered what my friend said and I gave it a try. At first, it hurt, like REALLY hurt. I've been hard on myself for such a long time that my mind just immediately rejected any sort of positivity. I countered the encouragement with stuff like "no, that's a lie, you're incapable" and "no, you don't deserve to do this". I was very close to having another breakdown. BUT after a particularly good run-through of one of the pieces, something clicked, and I told myself "hey, maybe I can do this". I felt kinda warm and fuzzy (idk how to describe it?) and kept practicing. I kept telling myself "I can do this" regardless of how well every run-through went, and after the performance this evening, I felt and still feel pretty good. I know my mood will eventually return to its previous diminished state, and I know I'll go back to thinking that I'm nothing, but I think today was a small reminder that I am capable of doing things. Sorry for the long post, I've been really excited about this all day haha. I'll end it here. To anyone reading this, take care
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