Tired of the pain
I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of always allowing others make me so angry that I can't breathe. I hate when people lie to the world and take advantage of others. I hate it when people take advantage of me because I'm so good at the things I do. I'm angry that the people at my church are always calling me and wanting my opinion, yet they never listen. They want me to fix messes that I cannot fix. I don't even want to be involved to be honest. I only went back because my family asked me to go with them. There was too much spiritual misconduct and I am still hurt from things that happened there over 20 years ago. I am depressed and feel so broken. I feel so alone. I am alone because I push everyone away. I want interaction, yet I don't want to put forth the effort to interact. I don't like interacting, but I don't like being alone. I feel torn to pieces by my own misguided feelings. I feel like I need to run away, but where would I run? I can never outrun myself. Sadly, I'm just a misfit. I belong no where and nobody wants me around except for when they want something from me.
Hey thereš¤ I hear you, I may not know exactly how youāre feeling or tell you for sure that itāll get better soon, but I can say for sure that everyone in the 7 cups community would love to be able to help you get through this. I wonāt say that itās all okay or everything will get better soon because no one knows for sure. No one knows the pain, the hurt, the betrayal youāve been through, so no one can say how long itāll take you to heal. Take your time, walk your way through this path. Itās hard, I know, itās a long long healing process and you are so so strong for sharing your story on the forumš¤ we all hear you, please feel free to reach out and know that we will support you as you push your way through this. Perhaps find something to ground yourself in, for some people, itās religion, but that may not be your case so perhaps dig deeper. And I hear you regarding pushing everyone away from you. I tend to do that as well to prevent myself from getting hurt, I know itās hard to trust, hard to love, hard to feel after everything that has happened to you and Iām so so sorry for thatā¤ļøāš©¹ I cant tell you what to do or how you can feel better because everyone has their own healing process and you just have to find yours. Change your mindset, your perspective on the world, slowly start to open up again and maybe you will find beauty in the most unexpected things āļø Please feel free to reach out for any help at all (it doesnāt have to be me, but know that we are always here to support you) I wish you the best of luck in your journey and I do hope you feel a better soon š¤š¤š·
I feel as if the pain and anger are my main emotions now whereas I always used to feel happy. I think that's because of all the pressure and toxicity sometimes I just dont know what to do with it and life itself. Like theres always moment I just want to scream.. or im left staring at a blade and it's not very pleasant.
