The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲
Hello! You can call me Spruce. I just discovered this interesting diary entry section of 7 Cups, and this is something I’ve been looking for. I need a place where I can spill out all of my thoughts without criticism, and that’s not something I can really rely on through 1:1 chats (even though I haven’t been here for that long, it’s my upfront impression).
I would prefer to keep this as a space for myself, but if anyone would like to send supportive comments for my post, just dive right in! I don’t mind at all 😊
So for anyone who may be reading this, there may be some rough topics such as family stress, severe self-hate, and some pretty graphic flashbacks (but not too graphic). I will try my best not to make this an inappropriate space, but I just wanted to give a heads up just it case it starts getting to that point.
Donuts are in full supply at all times, so feel free to grab a snack when you travel by 😊 And feel free to greet me when you’re here - I absolutely love meeting new people, and I want to build my support group here on 7 Cups ❤️
Yet another rant, so you can skip this...
It's happening...the thing I've been dreading. But I'm not involved...I don't need to witness any of it...
There is still this negative voice in my head that says I won't have a family left...but I will never let go...never go of that thin string of hope that I can overcome what will come next...
The world is revolving around me while it feels like my life is chaotic...I need to keep holding on...it'll be okay
I'm tired...didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep for 3 days now...I want to sleep, but I just stare up to the ceiling while my mind keeps swimming...
This brain fog...it's the worst it's ever been...I've been listening to more mood songs lately...I can't bear to be with my parents anymore...I want to hide and not be seen by them...
It's scary, but there is always this small, yet precious light that stays by me...the sliver of hope that everything will be okay...the silver lining that is my salvation...the one thing that will save me and prevents my mind from collapsing...and stopping me from shutting down...
I want to hold it close and learn how to use it...I need to...it's the one thing that gives me purpose...what would I do without it? How do I make it's beautiful and precious effects permanent...I don't want to live in the darkness anymore.
I'll be fine...I'll be okay - I'm not alone, and I don't hate myself as much as I used to...I'm not worthless...I'm not a criminal...I'm not any of the things the parents think I am...I am human, and I make mistakes...they don't define me...I'm strong and loved...I may not be loved by my parents, but I am loved by my friends on here...they are that little light of hope that I've been looking for all my life...what would I do without them? They keep me strong and feel the glimpse of happiness I've been waiting for my whole life...it's beautiful...
I can do this...I will make it to the end of the tunnel and embrace the pure lightness ❤️
A Message to the Younger Me
Hey hey, little me! *pats little me* I was thinking a lot about you lately. You've been through a rough time, hun, and I know how it feels. You've been bullied, ridiculed, and neglected...and it's hard. 🥲 You just always hoped that someone would notice you, and when you tried to reach out, you were nudged out of the way. Not the way to treat a kid, is it?
Neglect, especially emotional neglect, is even worse than abuse. I know it was never easy to trust people, because no one ever gave you the chance for a relationship to develop. You always felt something was missing, a crucial part of your humanity. Because of that, you never felt human, I see. You always felt more like a doormat where people blame you for their messes, even though you were never involved. Always the pawn in a complex chess game...
But, I wanna tell you something, something that will change the way you see the world. *comes closer and whispers* Don't be afraid to reach out! Don't be afraid to search for a way to be free and find those who love you so much that you'll start loving yourself too. ❤️ Trust me, it's a beautiful feeling! That's how I found 7 Cups — I was looking for support for a specific challenge, but you know what I really needed?~ empathy and love, that's it! 💕
Find those who understand you ❤️ That's beyond important, and don't wait! Keeping looking, and I know you'll find someone who will cherish your humanity and amazing qualities. ✨
Stay strong, and don't lose hope, darling! You'll get there — you may feel awkward and strange in this big wide world, but you'll find your place, just as I have. 😊
*big hugs to my little self* I believe in you, always 🤗 ❤️
❤ @selflessSpruce1515 ❤
Sprucey is not alone, and super loved, valued and cared for. *hugsss and keeps hugging*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Sunny Sunnnnnn ❤️❤️ *hugsssss forever* 🥺 💕
I was feeling a little flashbacky, but taking to my younger self actually helped a little 😊 Seeing you in my grove makes me feel even better 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Awww I'm so glad talking to little you has helped too, how beautiful parts of us have so much power to heal us, and make us feel better. Kinda like a good mutually supportive relationship, little you feeling super heard, acknowledged, being cared for -- it feels so nice to have someone "notice" us --- current you is doing that for little you, making them feel seen and providing them empathy. Soooo ofcourse, little you also being a part of amazing Sprucey is vvv kind and caring and helping their oldie self feel better also. Sometimes sitting with our own self is the best kind of self care, ain't it(?)
Little you must be so proud of you, Sprucey, as am I, dearie, you've come soooo far and you're only moving forwards, Crawl if you may, that's okay too, we need to take big steps always, whatever works for our pace is more than okay. It helps to remind that there's light *within* us too, and it only gets brighter, as we keep moving towards the end of the tunnel. ❤
You *are* the light, Sprucey, you always have it in you. 🌻
*hugs hugs hugs*
(And lmao typos are a part of us too 🤡)
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
There's so much I can discover by just reaching inside myself, and it's a journey that's so fruitful, despite the challenge ❤️ But it's worth the effort, if that means I can grow as a person and a friend too 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Yasss❤ always admire your willingness to keep growing, and seeing the silver linings despite the clouds -- the sun's gonna shine over you always, lovely. 🤗❤
We are on a new page already yay👀
*shares caramel ice creammmm*
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Haha, yesssss 😮
*noms caramel ice cream* You always know how to celebrate, and what puts me in a good mood 😛
@selflessSpruce1515
Hehe call it Sunny' charms lol 😛 enjoy ze ice cream, Sprucey! 🥰
For a few of my friendsies 🤗: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @Everlee @coldbreeze00
@selflessSpruce1515
Awww this really made my dayyy and possibly every other whenever I come here (which is quite often 😛). Thankiees for tagging me, Sprucey Spruce, it means *soooooooo×infinity* much. 💖 Youuuu my lovely friendsieee, deserve all the smiles and laughs anddd be assured, you give us so much more always. *smiles the widest* 🤗 *huggzieees*
For anyone who came upon my grove today…
“Stay strong, stay proud, and stay lovely, my dear. A day is only a small fraction of a life — pleasant memories are coming your way. 🤗”
~ Spruca 🌲
@selflessSpruce1515
Wise words, lovely, thankyouu for sharing with us. Read and affirm with me, will ya? Leggoo *reads with Sprucey* “Stay strong, stay proud, and stay lovely, my dear. A day is only a small fraction of a life — pleasant memories are coming your way. 🤗” *hugsss Sprucey*🤗 ❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Yessss, I can feel that words filling me to the brim with pride and happiness ❤️ Reading my own words definitely makes a difference 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Aww🤗❤ our words have power!
^ I’m hoping I can sleep tonight…I’m dragging 🥲
(Still trying to brave it out until the insomnia phase ends 💪 ❤️)
@selflessSpruce1515
me with my brain at night:
XD
@emotionalTalker2260
Omg, if that was possible xD It would be a dream ❤️ *hugs* 💕
@selflessSpruce1515I would do anything to throw my brain out at this point :')
@emotionalTalker2260
🥲 *yeets our brains far far away*
@selflessSpruce1515
don’t forget to let the brains hit a wall 😮
^ Why can't people treat me this way irl 🥲 Is it that hard?..
@selflessSpruce1515
*hugs* 😮🥺🤗💖
"The sun goes down,
The stars come out.
But all that counts,
Is here and now.
My universe,
Will never be the same.
I'm glad you came...
I'm glad you came."
~ "Glad you Came" by The Wanted
---
Lyrics that remind me of all of my amazing friends here at 7 Cups. 🤗
