The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲
Hello! You can call me Spruce. I just discovered this interesting diary entry section of 7 Cups, and this is something I’ve been looking for. I need a place where I can spill out all of my thoughts without criticism, and that’s not something I can really rely on through 1:1 chats (even though I haven’t been here for that long, it’s my upfront impression).
I would prefer to keep this as a space for myself, but if anyone would like to send supportive comments for my post, just dive right in! I don’t mind at all 😊
So for anyone who may be reading this, there may be some rough topics such as family stress, severe self-hate, and some pretty graphic flashbacks (but not too graphic). I will try my best not to make this an inappropriate space, but I just wanted to give a heads up just it case it starts getting to that point.
Donuts are in full supply at all times, so feel free to grab a snack when you travel by 😊 And feel free to greet me when you’re here - I absolutely love meeting new people, and I want to build my support group here on 7 Cups ❤️
You don't need to read this or even reply. This is just a rant...
I thought everything was okay. I thought my *life* was okay. Now...all of the trust within me has just poofed. The people I was closest with irl...they don't care. They don't care that every time they ignore me, I feel disgusting inside. They don't care that I avoid looking at the mirror. They don't even *notice*. It just feels like only a few people care in this world, but the people who are closest to me...the people I have to face every day of my life...they don't care. It's so great to have some people who believe in me, but if my own parents don't want to face my depression...I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just pushing people away, getting more and more irritated each day. I didn't get any sleep last night...I was just going through the events in the blur of my brain. It's exhausting...I'm tired of myself, for not even being able to cope with the slightest bit of criticism. I take everything personally, and I hate that...I wish I was the kind of person who would take things with a grain of salt. I wish things were different, and that I was a better person. I wish I wasn't this awkward kid who everyone just ignored and used as a doormat. I wish I wasn't selfish and taking advantage of the supposed "luxuries" that I have. Every time I make a stupid mistake, I start crying. I'm too emotional for anyone to deal with me. People just give up on me, even my own parents...the people who are supposed to care. They pretend to care, but they don't see me. They just see me as a poster child, and not a true soul. They were the ones who taught me not to cry, to hold in my emotions until I break. I'm sick of this...I can't manage even the simplest of emotions. When I'm happy, I become too hyper and end up getting a headache. Then, when I get depressed, I push everyone away and don't look for support. It's as if...I'm like an imposter in my own skin. I don't even know who I am or what I am anymore. My dysphoria is even worse than usual, and my anxiety is through the roof. I hate my body...I hate my environment...I wish I was a different person. People just betray me, and I feel so numb and have absolutely no emotions half the time. My apathy is what pushes people away. I even feel bad about sharing all of this, because all of you will be reading this...and you all probably look at me differently now. I used to be so level-headed when I was younger, but because of this stupid pandemic, everything changed for the worst. I'll never be the same...and now, I just feel like a true burden
...but I will keep wandering into this forest until I find what I'm looking for...purpose, trust, love...
Hello amazing people ❤️ Spruce made a decision to take a little break from cups until Monday because they need to focus on grounding themself from what has been happening irl lately. It is a difficult decision, but Spruce knows it is the right one. Spruce will be thinking of all their friends on here because Spruce loves them very much ❤️ Spruce will be on break starting now, and they hope to see everyone on Monday. Take care, everyone! 👋 ❤️
Friends who would want to know: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @CupoSad076 @emotionalTalker2260
@selflessSpruce1515
awwww *hugs spruce* spruce then, have a goos break 😊 *doesn’t bother with any more typoes* love ya 💕
@emotionalTalker2260
*hugsssss* It's great to be backkkk ❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
yayayayayayyayayayayaya *tackle hugs sprucieeeeeeeeeeeee* 😮
@selflessSpruce1515
Aww Sprucey, thankyou for knowing that I care and would want to know, I appreciate this tag so very much. ❤️
It is quite admirable of you to take some time to yourself, sometimes so needed too, I understand it is not easy but again, something that's important at this time and hey hey, Sun is proud of you.
Will miss seeing you around, and you'll be in my thoughts. Take your time and take good care okiee. Can't wait for Monday already. *hugs* ❤️
*passes lots of caramel ice cream*
@selflessSpruce1515 It's so good to hear that you are taking a step back in order to focus on yourself! Hoping that things will get better soon. Take care and have a good break We will miss you! <3 c:
✨ @selflessSpruce1515 ✨
It is Monday in my world sooooo *keeps warm comfy hugs* ready to welcome Sprucey back. 🤗❤️
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
*hugssssss* Yayyyy, tanku for the welcome back, Sunny Sunnnnn 🥺 ❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Aw ofcourseee, Sprucey needed a break and so they took one, this makes me nothing but proud and happy to see them prioritising their wellbeing. And Yay, so thrilled to hear it was a good break, you deserved it well. Super glad to see you back, lovely being! ❤
Andddd andddd more *caramel ice cream* and more and more *hugsssss* 🤗❤
@DonaldDraper
Haha, I promised I would invite you to my grove, and I can't take it back now 😛
Make yourself comfy, Don Don 🤗 ❤️❤️
@Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @emotionalTalker2260
Thank you all for the warm welcome back! It’s so great to be back here with all my amazing friendsies! ❤️ You all are such amazing hooman beans, and you always make me smile. I want you to know that your kindness is contagious, and I appreciate every single one of you! 🤗 ❤️ *hugs all aroundddd* I feel so honored to have met such lovely hooman beans like you, and you all deserve so much happiness (no matter what you may think) ❤️❤️❤️
^ That’s applies to everyone, and it makes me smile sooooo bright 😊 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
I only have one word 😛 *clears throat* sockkksssssssssssssss 🧦🧦🧦🧦🧦🧦🧦 hehehehe
Love ya sprucie 😊💕
@emotionalTalker2260
All hail the sockssssssssss 🧦🧦🧦🧦🧦🧦
And awww, love ya too, Emosaurus 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
🤗💕
@selflessSpruce1515
Sweetest Spruceyyyyy, is caramel ice Cream the secret of your sweetness? Nooo, it's just your beautiful heart (and maybe some of that ice cream too smh 😛) 🥺
Thankieees, dearie, you're super duper amazing and always spread hope, kindness and love around, so hey, we gotta return some of it back, right? :P you too deserve all the happiness, kindness, love and all things wonderful in the world. *hugsss hugss hugsss* 🤗❤️
I love that image, vvv apt haha!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Well, I’m crying from so much positivityyyyy! You radiate so much positive energy, Sunny Sunnnn ❤️❤️❤️
And I think you just exposed the secret to my kindness 😭 /j
*sends tons of hugs your way* 🥺❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
I'm not sorry for exposing your secret 😛 it is soooooo radiant, people would know eitherway! 🥰
❤ *hugsss vvv tightt and keeps hugging* ❤
(Sprucey is so sweet, I'm actually very much tempted to replace you with a cookie and well, *nom nom* 😈)
Ps: I love the evolution of our friendship lol, "Sunny Sun" is one of my top favorite nicknames for me here hehe, thankchu! 🥺❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou @Angelx28
Noooo, first Anga, now you 😭 Welp, here we go 😀 *is nommed*
And aww, yayyyy! I love the nickname too, and I feel sooooo honored to have that nickname as one of you top favorites, Sunny Sun ❤️❤️❤️ I'm glad to give nicknames to all of my amazing friendsies 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Hahahaha not to blame ya but what do we do with so much sweetness 😭 nomming you is a need 😭 and yayyy *is happy after nomming sweet Sprucey* 😆❤
Awww *unnoms and noms again* 😃 Sunny Sun is vvv grateful to know Sprucey!
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Haha, if that means that I can make your days brighter, you can nom me all you want! 😊 ❤️
Sprucey feels so honored to know Sunny Sun and have them has an amazing and wonderful friendsie 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
🤧❤ *hugsssss awesome Spruceyyy*
@selflessSpruce1515 Aw hey spruce, you were missed here, I'm glad that you are back! ^-^ This isss justtt incrediblyyy sweet of youuu! Thanks so much for this and I want *you* to know that *your* generosity can be seen! *Your* presence brings light, it's a bliss! *You* cheer up the room and *you* are so admired! It's nothing but a blessing to have a friend like *you*! I hope that someday you feel every word I said because I truly mean it and you are loved. I hope you know that you deserve just so much of smiles and love, but either way, I'll send some some your way! c:
And aww the image you added is just 🥺🥺🤍🤍 *Hugss*🤗
@Everlee
Awww 🥺 ❤️ *hugssssss* 🤗
I will use there coupons wisely 😛
@selflessSpruce1515 Aww of course, they are all yourss! 🤗
Alrighty, time to keep going with my entriesssss 😛
———
Today was a reallyyyyy good day for me, I would say. I don’t usually have good days like this, so I took advantage and tried to make it a productive one. I woke up early and caught up on 7 Cups stuff before breakfast, just so I didn’t have to worry about it later. For the rest of the day, it was really eating, exercising, doing schoolwork, cupsing, and repeat. 😀 But it was fun, and the gcs were super interesting. 😛😛😛 I know there were certain individuals who were lurking when the craziness occurred (*cough cough* Anga 😀 [ @Angelx28 ], don’t think I didn’t sense you lurking). I really needed something to uplift my mood, and catching up with my friends here reallyyyy did. ❤️❤️❤️
Welp, I think I should also talk about what happened this past weekend, but…maybe I shouldn’t 😀 - I had such a good day today, and I’m not even really thinking about it. I might talk about it sooner rather than later, but not quite yet. I know in my subconscious, I’m still trying to process it. Buttttt, let’s not get out of this good mindset, right? 😊 ❤️
I’ll leave it here for tonight, because it’s getting a bit late. Talk to you all tomorrow! Goodnightttt 🤗 ❤️
^ Trying to hold on to hope that today will be a good day, despite the sky being cloudy and dark :') ❤️
