Sidney Joe Anon & Travis

@SpecialSystem So sorry your struggling.

I hope things get better for you.

I you need emotional support, then please try one of 7cups listeners.

Here is the link for the listeners: https://www.7Cups.com/BrowseListeners/

I hope this helps.

Joe-

I was doing so good today. And I wanted to go into trauma room to talk about how good I’m doing today and as I clicked out on MCR(member community room) they started jokingly saying insults but not to anyone. And the only one I saw was “…your existence is just a fluke.” And now I can’t help but think that that was our brain telling us that we aren’t real and that we aren’t really awake and we are still in our hospital be and we never left. It’s been 10 months and I just want to wake up and be a part or real life not a simulation our brain made to keep us entertained while we are slowly dying.

I just want to wake up😭

Joe:

I can’t do it. I’m spiraling and trauma isn’t open and I really need to vent about hope frigged up I am right no and I can’t. And I just want to trauma room. And I want to wake up and no one here is real and I can’t do this. It’s too much I just want to wake up. 😭😭😭😭😭

Joe:

we had an allergic reaction the other day and we had to go to the doctor and she decided that we stuff our face when we’re sad and we don’t. She decided that we needed to be gluten-free. She decided that our pain was due to us. She made us feel fat and worthless. Since then we haven’t eaten much and cleaned all day yesterday.

I hate doctors.

I have come to terms with the fact that we won’t be waking up. Not that I still don’t want to but that We can’t do anything at this point. We are stuck in our hospital bed and we won’t be waking. So that’s just more suffering we’ll be doing.

We also decided we were going to stop telling people if we are in pain and what hurts because now we feel likes it’s our fault. So now we will just suffer in silence

Joe:

poem entry-

Stuck

we are screaming and pleading

we are sleeping and not moving

we want out

we can’t move

we are scared and hurting

we are stuck

we are sleeping and not moving

our body lays in the bed

cords a tangled mess

monitors beep

cuffs squeeze

we are screaming and crying

hoping to wake

but

we are sleeping and not moving

there is nothing we can do

stuck in a bed

Joe:

it’s happening again.

I can see all the signs that I’m still in that bed it’s been 1 year 1month and 6 days.

Why do I still feel this way.

I don’t wanna be in the bed any more I wanna wake up.

This isn’t fair

i wanna go home.

I’m in a prison we built ourselves.

I want out 😭😭😭

Joe:

didn’t expect to get my dream fear called out in the middle of a YouTube video.

It makes me wonder.

Maybe our head put it there so it would let us know we need to wake up.

It’s been 1 year 2 months and 11 days, since I fell asleep and haven’t woke.

Isn’t this enough punishment!? Why can’t I wake up! IT ISNT FAIR!!!

Travis:

I’ve been pulling our hair out and now we are missing a clump of eyelashes and we have a spot on our leg that’s infected from trying to dig hair out. I’ve pulled out our eyebrows too but not too noticeable. It’s quite Annoying and I really don’t wanna stop but we have an infection now.

Joe:

I don’t know what Qualifies as an eating Disorder but, when I saw we had gained two pounds after losing 30 I immediately felt bad and took laxatives so all the food we ate wouldn’t be in our system. And we lost those two pounds and two other pounds but I still feel like we are fat

Anon

we got a job!!! 😁😁😁

Sidney thinks it’s a waste of time a that we will fail.

Travis wants to clean everything tho 😂😂

I think we will be good at it! 😁😁😁

Joe is too busy trying to control himself. I hope he’ll be ok soon. 💙💙💙

Joe

i am fairly certain now that I have an eating disorder now.

Joe:

boxes. Why does she use boxes 😭

Travis-

is this what dying feels like?

I hate having a compromised immune system

joe:

*tw* talk of intercourse and nausea

I think I’m going to be sick

I logged on to my old social media account and was reading threw old messages and one of the dms kept going from “I hate you you were a terrible girlfriend.” To “man I want you so badly.” With no other messages in between. they sent a pic of me and them cuddling and I almost threw up cause of the idea of my touching them.

the they spammed mentioning how theyd like to do me.

I feel so nauseous

Joe:

”get some sleep” they said “you’ll feel better in the morning” they said.

but you can’t sleep if you’re in a fricken coma 😭😭

I just wanna wake up 539 days is long enough just let me wake up. I’d like to have friends and see my real family again please let me wake up. I’m tired of dying

Travis:

Went out and bought more laxities the other day cause I’m fat.

Joe:

Also I screwed up our only friendship we could have had forever but I opened our mouth and screwed everything up.