Sex deprived, trying, but crazy
I am 37, and I've had very little sex. It's made me quite irrational. I struggle to think anyone would want to be with me even though that shouldn't be true.
I keep thinking I need to have sex really badly. Not just with anybody. I imagine I could do that, for what it'd be worth. My point is, I keep thinking having more experience, it actually being part of my reality again to be a sexual creature, would fix it. That actually being touched by someone would prove that someone could enjoy touching me, this body, not some dream 30-something y/o they made up in their head and haven't felt of or another one who may be very different from me.
But then what happens if I get disappointed? Women are supposed to be able to feel beautiful and valuable all on their own, they say. And I don't want my happiness and wellbeing in this area to be tied to how someone else feels or what they're capable of.
But how do I build confidence in an area without any proof to build said confidence on? Can I be reasoned with as long as this is my situation?
I'm starting things to try to improve my social situation, but it's slow going and I still have these feelings. I also worry that me feeling like this will come between me and someone I'd want to be with. Do I admit I'm scared? What kind of sex can I have with someone if I can't admit it?
It's all about confidence these days. But you've got to build it somewhere. What do you do when you're still trying to do that?
@YellowComfort
Confidence in your self and your body can be built in many ways. Dance, sport, physical activities/hands on skills are great to build self-confidence. Use your body, learn to trust in its abilities. Are you doing these sorts of things already?
@YellowComfort
hi there,
not having sex is making you feel insecure. Does knowing that the thought you are thinking comes from a place of insecurity help shift your perspective or make you feel better? (though it is easier to get trapped in fear than to rise above it). Insecurity gets the best of us but it seems like the main motivation for your desire for sex now. Rationally that would lead to disappointment. Would you consider doing so? You could end up regretting doing it, but you might move on from that desire to have sex just to feel validated.
Or, maybe more sensibly, you could "work on yourself" as you have said. You might forget about your pressing issue in the process. I do not think you need to "do anything" when you're already trying to build your confidence, unless you mean you carry the intention to build confidence, but do not know what to do to do so.
I don't think you need to "work on yourself" (as if you weren't already whole) to combat those thoughts, but I hope you will engage in life more meaningfully and give up adopting those thoughts, though hey, sex is a need, so technically speaking it is quite rational for you to have that thought :) Just don't put too much pressure on yourself
Often when we're upset with our situation, it is because we are not doing anything about it. So, any step towards it, constructive or not, you should feel glad about it.
and don't fret over it. Your issue may be driving you crazy, but pull yourself together and be calm.
I wish you all the best.
Last but not least, it is when we look back on our struggling days that we can smile and laugh about them
Wishing you Love and Light,
Stranger on 7Cups
