September (repy if you want)
I'll probably write some triggering stuff for some someday, I'm not even completely sure what I'll write today.
TW: physical and emotional abuse, neglect, isolation.
I tried writing a journal on Google docs but I'm not consistent. Like at most I do a week frequently. I used to write a diary years ago with my friend, where I persevered more, but I stopped talking to her for a while and she struggled writing it so I think right now it's better to do it here.
September 12th.
Today it's being extremely hard to focus on my homeworks, honestly I just want to go lay down on bed and read mangas/manhwas. And I'm getting back to emotional abuse myself, saying I'm terrible, that I can't do anything, that I'm worthless.... I know full well that's not the true but it's hard to fight the thoughts today.
I guess I should just take 5 mins. to wind down and go slowly about my tasks. And well, it's not the end of the world if I don't do my to-dos today... Sigh... Well I can deal with this feelings, I've done before!
Hugs to anyone who reads this.
September 13th
I forgot to take my sleeping pill yesterday and slept bad. Thankfully I didn't have many tasks to do today. And was in a good mood since I chatted with a friend.
Uh, I don't know, I'm very sleepy right now but this isn't a bad entry.
@quickwittedKite5386
Hey buddy, I'm dropping in to give you a hug (if accepted)
You have been so brave and strong. Thank youfor being you.
Also, help is available and Im always here for you
Thank you for the hug and support, I really appreciate it!
@quickwittedKite5386
Of course, buddy.
😊
September 15th
Yesterday was a somewhat busy day, read a text (it was about the brain and creativity, quite interesting) and researched ways to develop the right side of the brain for my hw.
Also went to my sisters' apartment to have a special meal bc of the celebration of the national Independence day. I helped clearing the table so they could cook comfortably. We ate peppers with nogada (a sauce made with almonds, wine type sherry, cream cheese, etc) and capirotada (the bread kind). Pretty yummy food.
Talked with them about the "new" friend I made (our friendship started more than 2 months ago).
It was a pretty good day.
September 16th
Kinda feels like a "despite a great day yesterday" I feel so anxious and tired today. But it's not like that. I'm tired bc I haven't been sleeping well for months, I shoul really need to return to meditation. And I really searched one to do today, it's all about discipline but! I gotta remember to be kind to myself.
Also... I think... No... The thing is I feel anxious is... I'm crushing over my new friend... Buuuuut I'm scared how much of this feeling is bc I want to depend on someone and the desire to be save from my problems, ugh. Sigh, this is hard.
Moreover I can't stop thinking on messaging him and I know very well he's very busy, and I know I can become an obsessive person, ugh. Fortunately I have never obsessed over someone to an unhealthy point but I'm scared of that happening.
I gotta add too he's not someone I know face to face, so yeah. Siiiiiiiigh. I suppose the best course of action is to ask him to meet when we have a free day or on holidays (fortunately we have some despite being online students).
Whew, it was pretty nice writing this. I'll probably come back later to write some more.
Naps are so powerful
September 17th
The school gives some reading materials but goooooooosh, they are such a pain to read. Supposedly they were proofread and edited in style... But nooooooo, this things are so freaking awful aaaaaaaargh.
@quickwittedKite5386
Uuuuuuuugh, maybe it was bad to reject his candy offer but I didn't helped him to get candies and don't like being the only receiving gifts.
Though maybe that's just how he is, that's just his love language.
Uuuuuuuuugh
