Ophelia's Daily Diary 🌙

@calmmoon2104

Yay, another beautiful journey to join. 💕

20th May, 2024 

Dear Ophelia, 

(⚠ Trigger Warning : Mentions of self harm) 

Today was a really eventful day. Some sad things and as well as good things happened today. I unfortunately relapsed and ended my one year long self harm free journey due to many reasons which affected my mental health. But I am not in crisis, so there's no need to worry. My mental health was really degrading since two days ago, which even led me to consider the permanent solution. But my beautiful and amazing friends on 7cups made me change my mind a bit, I am glad I could talk here with then during difficult times. Other than that, I am told that I am strong willed, so the credit to not do that goes to me too lol, I didn't really had much of a plan but I did held myself together ( I know I am really overreacting) but the pain was too much to bear so I had to self harm. The emotions and feelings are too much to bear, I am just a mere weak human, vulnerable to many things. It still stings, but the good thing is it's just one cut and a bit of blood, so nothing that bad. 

Now, let's leave the sad things and focus on the good thing. We got our puppy back who was taken by a really really bad person and wanted to do bad things to her after a long legal battle. It was also partly our fault, but we absolutely didn't knew that we gave our puppy to such a disgusting and criminal minded person to keep as we were unable to keep the puppy with us due to some family problems, we just thought we had given her to a good facility. But alas, it was illegal. They wanted to breed our puppy who is now at least 4 months old after it grew up every year and take the children from her and was actually thinking of becoming a millionaire. Can you imagine?! The guilt and grief my mom and dad felt was immense and they both cried so much, I have never seen my dad crying before. It was so so shocking! I myself tried not to think about it so much since my own mental health is not much good but this all made me really depressed. I had some nightmares and felt so bad for not being able to sympathize much, I am a bad person who can't even help much. It was really big legal battle, and we got our puppy back at late night around 1am with the help of an NGO and are given three months commission to keep the dog well and if they see us fit for raising her, we can keep her with us. It like a war and so much struggling to win I can't even explain correctly. I am glad we got her back at last. Mom and dad are really happy and relaxed kinda now. 

I hope things can go smoothly from here on, and we can heal from the things that hurt us. I don't want anything like this to happen or anything bad again. I really hated all this, our pup is was happy to be back to I think, she really loves dad.   

Take care.

21st May, 2024 

Dear Ophelia, 

Today was a okay-okay day. Some things happened though, our puppy is all fine and energetic than ever and is eating well too. She is going through her potty training, well she is naughty so it's really tough to teach her lol. She is doing well sleeping with my parents, she used to shout much. She is such a handful oof, but she is really cute and beautiful. I love her. We bought her biscuits too, I  hope she likes them. She plays so energetically but hurts herself sometimes. It's not that bad since she is strong and never gets much hurt. I hope she can learn to be a bit careful when running around, I don't want her hurt badly. She is such a sweetheart, when she sleeps it's like she is so innocent, but in reality she is a little devil lol. She tends to take rests, so she is all good 👍 

I am glad we could get her back with us, I hope she will be happy with us. Today one of my rabbits got really scared downstairs, I don't know why but can only guess. She didn't see my dog, but something else just as my mother came to give them their food. She got so much scared that she jumped and went into a drain. We couldn't find her at all, I was so so much scared, I thought something bad happened to her. After searching for like 15 minutes we found her at last, my goodness! Me and my mom then petted her and calmed her, she's fine now and eating her beans with my other rabbit. I am sure my other rabbit git scared too for her. 

I didn't self harm today even after I had a really difficult urge to do so, I held back myself from doing it, it was really tiring though. I don't know, but I just feel so much to do it after a long day, but the thought of my parents finding out stopped. I am glad I didn't do it, who knows if I am addicted to it. 

Take care 

22nd May, 2024 

Dear Ophelia, 

I don't really remember much about today, it's like most if the things just vanished off my head.

What I mostly remember is that I petted my dog and caressed her so much that she might be fed up with my love for her lol, she only comes to my room to sleep on the cold floor. She also loves sleeping on wet things, such a naughty pup. 

I did a mock chat with listener on my listener account today to get verified. She was really sweet and nice. She also gave me amazing feedbacks. I hope I can pass the verification test and get the badge soon. 

I didn't get any urge to self-harm today! Yay!

I am thinking about this for quiet sometime, that I haven't been today anything productive at all with my life. It's just I can't find motivation and I weirdly keep on cringing at many things which are good to do. I am being super weird. 

What to do with me?

Take care  

23rd May, 2024 

Dear Ophelia, 

I don't really feel like writing anymore today about my day. But it was not a soul good day. I was feeling like sh*t and still am. I am just giving some gifs, if that can make any sense. 

Take care