20th May, 2024
Dear Ophelia,
(⚠ Trigger Warning : Mentions of self harm)
Today was a really eventful day. Some sad things and as well as good things happened today. I unfortunately relapsed and ended my one year long self harm free journey due to many reasons which affected my mental health. But I am not in crisis, so there's no need to worry. My mental health was really degrading since two days ago, which even led me to consider the permanent solution. But my beautiful and amazing friends on 7cups made me change my mind a bit, I am glad I could talk here with then during difficult times. Other than that, I am told that I am strong willed, so the credit to not do that goes to me too lol, I didn't really had much of a plan but I did held myself together ( I know I am really overreacting) but the pain was too much to bear so I had to self harm. The emotions and feelings are too much to bear, I am just a mere weak human, vulnerable to many things. It still stings, but the good thing is it's just one cut and a bit of blood, so nothing that bad.
Now, let's leave the sad things and focus on the good thing. We got our puppy back who was taken by a really really bad person and wanted to do bad things to her after a long legal battle. It was also partly our fault, but we absolutely didn't knew that we gave our puppy to such a disgusting and criminal minded person to keep as we were unable to keep the puppy with us due to some family problems, we just thought we had given her to a good facility. But alas, it was illegal. They wanted to breed our puppy who is now at least 4 months old after it grew up every year and take the children from her and was actually thinking of becoming a millionaire. Can you imagine?! The guilt and grief my mom and dad felt was immense and they both cried so much, I have never seen my dad crying before. It was so so shocking! I myself tried not to think about it so much since my own mental health is not much good but this all made me really depressed. I had some nightmares and felt so bad for not being able to sympathize much, I am a bad person who can't even help much. It was really big legal battle, and we got our puppy back at late night around 1am with the help of an NGO and are given three months commission to keep the dog well and if they see us fit for raising her, we can keep her with us. It like a war and so much struggling to win I can't even explain correctly. I am glad we got her back at last. Mom and dad are really happy and relaxed kinda now.
I hope things can go smoothly from here on, and we can heal from the things that hurt us. I don't want anything like this to happen or anything bad again. I really hated all this, our pup is was happy to be back to I think, she really loves dad.
Take care.
