Oao's Diary

1/4/20

I haven't posted in a while but a lot has happened. Let's start off with the fact that I have felt really low. I feel so depressed that I have lost my appetite which makes me fatigued which keeps me from doing stuff and makes me want to stay in bed even more. I only ate some goldfish crackers and some ice cream today. When I went to eat the ice cream my dad had to go and make fun of me for eating junk food. I ate the ice cream because it was something light and something that I didn't mind eating. My happiness about it got destroyed because I was happy that I was eating something and that I enjoyed it. Then my parents went on to talk about how my hair looks greasy which was really upsetting. So now my thoughts are in a cycle of saying I'm ugly. I also have been having a hard time sleeping which is never fun. I wish my parents would understand that it's not just the electronics and all of that.

I see the neurologist in two days! So I am hoping that goes well and I think I see my therapist on Friday which I'm excited about. I have to try to go to bed now so this is it for now.

'till next time, Oao

2/23/20

It's been a long time since I've last posted but things have just been really crazy recently. So I went to the neurologist and that when well and I had an MRI and MRA a couple of days ago which could have been better. Things have been stressful at school which hasn't been fun I wish it could be better. I wish I wasn't as stressed and at least a little bit more organized. Supporting in rooms has been hard because it feels like everything I do makes someone upset and I am very overlooked in the rooms. I don't usually share stuff in the rooms because I don't want to take away from others or make people feel bad because it seems like whenever I want to talk it makes someone mad. I want to talk so bad though because I want support but I just can't without something crazy or bad happening. So I've been having a lot of bad thoughts recently which haven't been fun. Thoughts like that I'm ugly, worthless, annoying, other things along those lines they haven't been fun at all. I want to talk about it but rooms and listeners aren't really helping sadly. Well, I think that's enough for today.

'till next time, Oao