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My first Diary Entry - Venting out
fairmindedShade219 January 18th, 2022
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Hi, I'm Shade, to anyone who's reading this. I usually write my thoughts and other things in a secret diary that I keep, but I'm writing today's entry down here. I live with my parents while going to college as a freshman. I have a small part time job, soon looking to have a better one. Anyways, I feel exhausted emotionally when having to spend time with my parents, because my father is narcissistic and my mom is sort of unstable in my eyes. During the holidays it is especially tiring and overwhelming for me to be with them because I'm out of college. I do help my parents with chores in the house, and I generally listen to whatever they have to say. But I can't be myself around them. I always feel weirded out or overwhelmed when I'm with them, because they don't treat me like an adult, I guess. I don't know how to put it, but all I know is my parents can be abusive when their mood is down, and I get caught in their insults and fights. I never go to them for emotional support or even help with college related stuff, like academics, or choosing my degree path and courses. I also do not get that much advice really from them on how to be a responsible or independent adult. I am learning through college and the internet really, I guess. I was suicidal a couple of times because I couldn't handle them, and when my mom saw me with a knife held to my stomach she did not even try to get help for me. I can't afford therapy on my own, so I am still struggling to find a sense of support among the people surrounding me. I occasionally get those thoughts, but I'm way too afraid to actually do anything. I am just stuck with my father also, who has lately been trying to insult me and ruin my self esteem on purpose, and it's just really hard. I feel like I'm on my own, and so writing this here gives me a sense of comfort for now. Maybe I'll delete this later on, but for now I needed to get this down because inside I'm really struggling to find my place in life. I don't want to live a life like my parents honestly.

2
Sunisshiningandsoareyou January 18th, 2022
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@fairmindedShade219

(I hope it is okay to reply here, feel free to skip this, if not❤)

I hear you're feeling emotionally exhausted being around your parents, who are not the best company to have around, considering their unsupportive and unkind behavior towards you! Can understand, how it would make you feel struggling to find some peace, I'd feel the same in a similar environment!

You deserve to feel safe, supported, heard and cared for, I for one, am really proud of you for taking a step in reaching out, 7 cups might be a lot of things, in the least though, it is a safe place for everyone to feel heard, supported and less alone! I hope you find the support you need and deserve here!

Also, *offers encouragement pats*, I know how bottling things inside with no let out is excessively challenging and causes a certain unexplainable kind of heaviness, it is so commendable how you've tried to offload some of it here. (Yay for keeping a diary too, it's a good practice to have a healthy let out for our feelings)

You've come far, and survived many of your worst days already, safe to say, you're trying your best and each step counts, just one at a time is more than enough and always at your pace! Keep believing in yourself and keep going. ❤

fairmindedShade219 OP January 18th, 2022
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@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you for the kind words! I was feeling really down when posting this yesterday, so I felt like I needed to hear this from someone

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