Meant to be okay..
Councilling started, was getting better, things should be fine now, yet no, no no no, they are worse. I dont understand why this has to happen, why does recovery have to be like gold at the end of the rainbow?!
I was getting better, things seemed eaiser, things seemed bareable, truly. The voices quieter, the thoughts weakend. That, is all a dream now. A week after asking my mum if she was leaving my dad, and the answer being "no, i could never do that" I spent the day with my best friend who i hadnt seen in years, went to the aquarium, got donuts and went home for dinner, plan was, movies and monopoly. Little did i know, this would be one of the last nights in the house i grew up in. Little did I know that it was all a way to give us some fun before the hardest parts of my life. Sitting around the table finished dinner.. "We need you to turn your phones off and put them on the table" my first thought, oh no, mums cancers back.
The news comes out of no where, with my sister, my friend, her sister and our mums, (dads out of town) "I'm leaving dad" this was so hard to hear, I dont know what is to come next, where we will stay and what will happen in the future. I don't know why and I dont know how this could happen, why hadn't i seen it. Why didn't i guess it.
The idea of seperation, divorce, is nothing new in todays society, this doesnt make it any eaiser for those involved. This doesnt stop the ideas of "Where will i be for christmas" Or "Was this my fault" It doesnt stop the thought of not having my dad walk me down the isle in years to come... or the thought of my childeren having only one grandfather. These thoughts pop up constantly and for me, are devistating.
Aparently it's not normal to hide when you get home because of the constant arguments that happen at any minute. Aparently its not normal to grow up being afraid of your father. Aparently achived is okay, and that it's okay not to get excellence. Aparently its not normal to be tracked your every moved, or be yelled at for forgetting to text your dad your address.
So many things i thought were normal are not, i dont know where im meant to be or what im meant to do. I'm confused and scared. I'm to old to have decisons made for me, but to young to know whats best. Dad says its not fair, that its cruel i dont want to see him. Is it? because i dont know. I've seen him once, i hated it, he acts like he has changed, he tries to lure us back, but what if he has changed, what if im being cruel and unkind.. i dont know
Recovery really is like the gold at the end of the rainbow, the closer you get the futher it goes away..
Random tag list sowwy if you dont know me haha
@2015ihope @AmandaThePancake @ArwaS @azureOwl1327@Charli @charmUnicorn97 @ChloeTheDuck @crimsonPlum47 @cuteava @Danceaddict02 @Diandra @Dillion @Disneykstew @facedesks @HauntedBrokenLife @Heather @HelpfulNick95 @Hubert @HubertTheHedgehog @iAmJustAnAspirScientist97 @Iara @IceDad @ih0pe @IreKat @Laura @Lyra MayaRainbow2 @me @MidniteAngel @mscoxie @QueenKyKy @RaCat @RebeccaEmily @Liv @Sevenhugs @ShyLikesPinaColadaz @SimonTheGr8 @SingingForAbsolution @Siove @SunfloweredStrawberry @SunshineCat @thalia14 @TheBlueBirdie @TheBlueWind @waterfallofdreams @YayyySphere @IML
@easyCucumber9508 I think I don't know you, but your story touched my heart! I am sorry to hear that you went through all these things and even if it's making you afraid, sorry or confussed, your mom took a right step and it will be better. You deserve not be treating in the way your dad this, he wasn't good person to you and I beliebe he caused a lot of pain for you. Also, I loved your metaphor. There are no rainbow without little rain, but the rainbow is something beautifull so I believe it will be the start of your new life <3 *Hugs* And if you ever need to talk, I am here <3
@easyCucumber9508 Kita, I have been less active on 7 Cups lately due to personal reasons and interests, but to login and see a post from you with such detail, and inspirational language is really incredible and your story is very touching.
I am so proud of you for writing this up and for having the courage to. You're amazing love <3 Love you loads and miss you <3
It's really nice to hear from you dear! *hugs tight tight*
I'm very proud of you for trying so hard to recover, you deserve it. Recovery will come, even if it seems to be so far away, it is there.
This all sounds scary and I can imagine how hard it is for you, but it's not your fault! You didn't have to see anything before coming, really: no reason to blame yourself. Divorce is hard to handle and you deserve support through that. 7cups is always here for you! Take the best care of yourself. I hope you feel safe, that's something you deserve too <3
You're amazing and strong (even when you feel weak), remember that <3
@easyCucumber9508
Kita sweets ❤︎ I do have to commed you on your strength and your courage to write this post. I want you to remember and believe, it's not your fault, I will believe it for the both of us. You're truly not a cruel person, if anything you're looking after yourself, taking caring of yourself and know what you want best for yourself which is good. Some people may view it has being selfish, but I don't think it is because all we want in life sometimes is to help ourselves when times are hard since it's hard sometimes. I know we can't help what life throws at us, even when we want things to go right. It's hard, it's challening, it's difficult but at the end of the day, you're still here. You're still going which is more than what some of us do which is amazing of you. ❤︎
The quote you used is really good, "Recovery really is like the gold at the end of the rainbow, the closer you get the futher it goes away.." but despite it going futher away, you're still pushing yourself. Pushing yourself to fight and grasp what you want for yourself. ❤︎
I'm proud of you lovely for posting this and I do honestly wish you the best of luck ❤︎
@easyCucumber9508
My kita, omg, dear you know I have not been on much lately, but when you just gave me this thread and I immediately started reading it, I felt every word in my heart, like your words, how nice and honest they were, recovery is indeed a gold, but it'll come eventually, this is my dearest wish to you, my little princess. Ilysm kita.<3 <3 <3