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easyCucumber9508
233,606 M Scaling Summit 9
PathStep 148 Compassion hearts2,592 Forum posts88 Forum upvotes171 Current upvotes171 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2020 Member sinceOctober 26, 2015
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Meant to be okay..
Journals & Diaries / by easyCucumber9508
Last post
 October 17th, 2016
...See more Councilling started, was getting better, things should be fine now, yet no, no no no, they are worse. I dont understand why this has to happen, why does recovery have to be like gold at the end of the rainbow?! I was getting better, things seemed eaiser, things seemed bareable, truly. The voices quieter, the thoughts weakend. That, is all a dream now. A week after asking my mum if she was leaving my dad, and the answer being "no, i could never do that" I spent the day with my best friend who i hadnt seen in years, went to the aquarium, got donuts and went home for dinner, plan was, movies and monopoly. Little did i know, this would be one of the last nights in the house i grew up in. Little did I know that it was all a way to give us some fun before the hardest parts of my life. Sitting around the table finished dinner.. "We need you to turn your phones off and put them on the table" my first thought, oh no, mums cancers back. The news comes out of no where, with my sister, my friend, her sister and our mums, (dads out of town) "I'm leaving dad" this was so hard to hear, I dont know what is to come next, where we will stay and what will happen in the future. I don't know why and I dont know how this could happen, why hadn't i seen it. Why didn't i guess it. The idea of seperation, divorce, is nothing new in todays society, this doesnt make it any eaiser for those involved. This doesnt stop the ideas of "Where will i be for christmas" Or "Was this my fault" It doesnt stop the thought of not having my dad walk me down the isle in years to come... or the thought of my childeren having only one grandfather. These thoughts pop up constantly and for me, are devistating. Aparently it's not normal to hide when you get home because of the constant arguments that happen at any minute. Aparently its not normal to grow up being afraid of your father. Aparently achived is okay, and that it's okay not to get excellence. Aparently its not normal to be tracked your every moved, or be yelled at for forgetting to text your dad your address. So many things i thought were normal are not, i dont know where im meant to be or what im meant to do. I'm confused and scared. I'm to old to have decisons made for me, but to young to know whats best. Dad says its not fair, that its cruel i dont want to see him. Is it? because i dont know. I've seen him once, i hated it, he acts like he has changed, he tries to lure us back, but what if he has changed, what if im being cruel and unkind.. i dont know Recovery really is like the gold at the end of the rainbow, the closer you get the futher it goes away.. Random tag list sowwy if you dont know me haha @2015ihope [https://www.7cups.com/@2015ihope] @AmandaThePancake [https://www.7cups.com/@AmandaThePancake] @ArwaS [https://www.7cups.com/@ARXXH] @azureOwl1327 [https://www.7cups.com/@azureOwl1327]@Charli [https://www.7cups.com/@Charli] @charmUnicorn97 [https://www.7cups.com/@charmingUnicorn97] @ChloeTheDuck [https://www.7cups.com/@ChloeTheDuck] @crimsonPlum47 [https://www.7cups.com/@crimsonPlum47] @cuteava [https://www.7cups.com/@cuteava] @Danceaddict02 [https://www.7cups.com/@Danceaddict02] @Diandra [https://www.7cups.com/@Diandra] @Dillion [https://www.7cups.com/@Dillion] @Disneykstew [https://www.7cups.com/@Disneykstew] @facedesks [https://www.7cups.com/@facedesks] @HauntedBrokenLife [https://www.7cups.com/@HauntedBrokenLife] @Heather [https://www.7cups.com/@Heather] @HelpfulNick95 [https://www.7cups.com/@HelpfulNick95] @Hubert [https://www.7cups.com/@Hubert] @HubertTheHedgehog [https://www.7cups.com/@HubertTheHedgehog] @iAmJustAnAspirScientist97 [https://www.7cups.com/@iAmJustAnAspiringScientist97] @Iara [https://www.7cups.com/@Iara] @IceDad [https://www.7cups.com/@IceDad] @ih0pe [https://www.7cups.com/@ih0pe] @IreKat [https://www.7cups.com/@IreKat] @Laura [https://www.7cups.com/@Laura] @Lyra [https://www.7cups.com/@Lyra] MayaRainbow2 [https://www.7cups.com/@MayaRainbow2] @me [https://www.7cups.com/@me] @MidniteAngel [https://www.7cups.com/@MidniteAngel] @mscoxie [https://www.7cups.com/@mscoxie] @QueenKyKy [https://www.7cups.com/@QueenKyKy] @RaCat [https://www.7cups.com/@RaCat] @RebeccaEmily [https://www.7cups.com/@RebeccaEmily] @Liv [https://www.7cups.com/@SemiLiv] @Sevenhugs [https://www.7cups.com/@Sevenhugs] @ShyLikesPinaColadaz [https://www.7cups.com/@ShyLikesPinaColadaz] @SimonTheGr8 [https://www.7cups.com/@SimonTheGr8] @SingingForAbsolution [https://www.7cups.com/@SingingForAbsolution] @Siove [https://www.7cups.com/@Siove] @SunfloweredStrawberry [https://www.7cups.com/@SunfloweredStrawberry] @SunshineCat [https://www.7cups.com/@SunshineCat] @thalia14 [https://www.7cups.com/@thalia14] @TheBlueBirdie [https://www.7cups.com/@TheBlueBirdie] @TheBlueWind [https://www.7cups.com/@TheBlueWind] @waterfallofdreams [https://www.7cups.com/@waterfallofdreams] @YayyySphere [https://www.7cups.com/@YayyySphere] @IML
How am I supposed to live like this?
Anxiety Support / by easyCucumber9508
Last post
 February 6th, 2016
...See more I feel so lost, living with anxiety is only making it worse, the thoughts that run through my head are so loud but so jumbled. What am I meant to do, be strong, it's just a phase, day by day it keeps happening, I'm scared really scared. I'm only 14, lives not supposed to be this way, I'm not supposed to want to give up. It's getting harder by the day... How, how am I, how are we supposed to live like this ... -Kita Taggies @JoyintoDarkness, @iHope, @wittyBanana120, @amazingrea, @gracefulSong70 @Lyra @cristiana33
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