Just some vents and events in the life of Cheese

I don't know if tw is neccesary here because it's not really bad at all, but I will talk about some skinpicking and someone reacting to me doing that so yeah here we go

I was at a quilt and craft show with my mom today and there were some booths and overall it was a lot of fun and I got some new sewing tools, really excited about them. But anyway that's not what I'm tryin to talk about here.

There was this overpriced lotion booth and the owner came up to my mom and was like "want a sample?" and she said sure so this lady rubs it all over in my mom's hand and is telling her about it and all these benefits and stuff and turns to me and is like "do you want some?" and I said "no thank you", my mom said "oh she doesn't like ot be touched" and so she said "oh i can just put it on your hand then, I won't touch you" and I was like okay?

Honestly I just don't use lotion even though I probably should but anyway i rubbed it in and it was slimy due to the aloe in it but anyway she's telling us it helps with all these things like arthitis and acne and extra dry skin and circulation, all these things and she looks at my arms and is like "do you have a skin disease/condition?" and i was like "I have dermatillomania" she says "what is that?" I say "skinpicking" and she wants me to put some of the stuff on my arms and I said no and it made me uncomfortable so yeah that's all I guess.

My skinpicking isn't all that bad just frequent like everyday dude and it gets a little but of discoloration and red bits when they're not healed yet, but not so much, and I'm getting a bit better? also just been picking at my chest more. also I'm a trans guy so my mom was wrong when she said "She" but yeah anyway, I'll be back later, stay safe out there guys!

TW- a sort of panic attack but I am not too sure of that, I just felt rather bad feelings and couldn't see felt dizzy+ sick, and I kind of tried and failed to do somthing kinda bad? i stopped myself though wooh? it's really not so bad though

Anyway I just remembered this morning I was in the shower and I was crouched down for a minute or ten checking up on an ingrown toenail but anyway I usually do that and then I stood up and was super dizzy with weird seeing, like the colors and shapes when you rub your closed eyes but my eyes were open.

Now, that usually happens for a moment or two, sometimes I put a hand on the wall to keep steady but this time my vision just got worse and worse, my legs shaking so bad so bad and I couldn't stand up I wanted to throw up because I felt sick.

I was leaning heavily against the wall but trying to stand normally and bumping accross the different walls and my depth perception was so off, and many bits on my limbs felt partially asleep and weird and I wasn't thinking so well, and I tried to bite my arm?

I did but not even enough to leave a mark, that was weird. I tried to grab my leg and dig in my nails a little for just a moment and so neither of those even hurt or left a mark but either way I shouldn't have done that.

Eventually I had to sit down on the floor in the shower until my vison cleared and it did within a few moments, and I stood back up. Still wobbly a little, but much less so. I didn't even get to shower properly just that whole fiasco, but I will tomorrow. I think it happened because I just woke up and was pretty dehydrated and hungry too, not a good idea to shower, bathe, or swim on an empty stomach. So yeah that really sucked, it scared me too. but I'm okay now, didn't pass out or anything. Stay safe out there guys

I am aware that I ramble- I write a lot when I write, I feel like it is hard to get a point accross without explaining the little details, and I'm sorry 'bout that but I just do that frequently so yeah, my bad

Aw shoot, my school is taking our computers for the summer, so I probably won't be out here? I might use my mom's computer though. Anyway I also got to have my person over today after school and we had a really good time! They always make me laugh and we were supposed to be doing an assignment, but we couldn't stop laughing and it was grand, really. but now i need to finish the assignment :/

yippee i'm back! My flesh has gotten worse but I got a binder over the summer and it is amazing! I had a very busy summer but it was good