Just a title

Usually I post about my relationship issues and all that... but this time I was hoping to get some different advice...

To make a long story short, I've always wanted children... but lately, it feels like I've been dreading it... part of it is well... apparently (according to old friends) you lose yourself and your super limited on everything you can do... but another part is I'm afraid too... my mom was never around. She chose drugs and alcohol over me and BECAUSE of her... things happened in my childhood I'll never say over this. My stepmother tried her best with me... but at the same time... she was a stepmom. My mom is in a nutshell, selfish, ignorant, racist... and I wish I never allowed her back in my life. I've never touched drugs or smokes and limit my drinking (twice a year, maybe) bc I don't want to end up like her...

Im afraid I'll fuck up my own kids (if I have them) like she did to me...