Journal thread
Maybe this is a good idea
I am anxious as hell at work right now
Sometimes for this job I have to listen to really difficult material and at the end of the day I am so tired
Basically for my job I type up transcripts of news and other programs. I just spend the day listening to audio really carefully and I type on the computer as I go.
It is fine but it's also I'm feeling burnt out.
A volunteer opening came up this weekend with a group of people I wanted to be more connected to, but I don't know if I can go. My energy is really anxious and I don't know if it would be a good idea for me to be out trying to do things for other people.
I just want to be more connected to people but I feel so overwhelmed too. I wish I could spend all the time I wanted with people around me. And not spend 25-30 hours a week listening to other people's voices.
Ugh whatever.
It's frustrating to me, my emotions feel really big, I would like a therapist who is a decent person so that I don't worry about being too much for the other people in my life. So I can go somewhere else to talk about the things I am not sure anyone wants to hear about. I guess this is what this page is for since I am on the computer anyway.
Sorry this is not a very optimistic post. Um. I am trying to get out a bunch of frustrations. I ultimately feel okay about life in a lot of ways, too.
I appreciate the time I have to sit down and write this even though I'm really stressed about how long my work is taking, about the physical pain from sitting and doing one thing and being exhausted in one specific way... I don't know. Aaah wait.
Okay I appreciate the time to make this post.
I appreciate water and food and sunlight. And air.
I appreciate plants.
I feel a little bit like a plant. Like an outgrowth of the earth. I am just a part of the earth.
I am grateful for the place I have to stay and be alive now.
I think later today I will go outside and appreciate all these things more.
I will try and have a conversation with someone. Just with the goal of connecting with someone.
???
Will come back to this thread later
I ate some food and feel better.
I am really trying to slow down today.
Yesterday at work I got through a lot of material, but I don't know if it was any good. Toward the end of my shift I started crying, so that's a sign that maybe I was not in the best temperament. Actually I am really tired of this job but mostly I'm tired of not knowing who I can talk to about it.
Part of the agreement of having this job is I can't really talk in detail about what I work on because some of it isn't published yet and it's from official sources.
But yeah. Okay.
I'm done talking about the job.
I ate something, and that was good.
I'm trying to go slower.
I lit a candle, and that's good.
I may try and take a nap after or before I go outside.
Actually what really bothers me is thinking about the scale of the world, and I know I'm posting about these coping strategies for myself, like I'll go outside or rest or whatever, but what about the rest of the world?
Like we have natural disasters/consequences of climate change killing people.
I just want to talk about this and understand what we can do.