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juneravens
4,584 M Seeking Light 6
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts141 Forum posts34 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceNovember 30, 2020
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Seeking advice - how to safely maintain a relationship as two people with past relationship dysfunction, & chronic physical/mental health issues?
Relationship Stress / by juneravens
Last post
 February 22nd, 2023
...See more Hey all, I'd love some advice if anyone's able to offer that. I recently (about 3 months ago) started dating someone, and for the most part it's been really nice, really enjoyable, and I like this person. Recently though I'm also struggling with some feelings of overwhelm and doubt and I'm trying to define my personal boundaries and needs within this relationship. I think that both of us having chronic mental & physical health issues is part of it, maybe. My partner is physically disabled and also mentally ill. I am too - I am trying to seek a diagnosis for my physical experiences, but basically I have issues with chronic pain and fatigue, and side effects from past use of psychiatric drugs. I used to struggle with self-destructive thoughts/emotions, and now not so much, but I still feel overwhelmed sometimes with what goes on in my head and I just really try hard to practice creative coping skills through all of it. Within the past couple months, my partner's gone through a mysterious pain scare, where I went to stay over at their house overnight because it was uncertain if they were having a heart issue and would need someone to take them to the hospital. My partner also twisted their ankle while at my house and ended up staying here for several days in a row. Also, the last time they were over here, they told me they were feeling suicidal, and we went over a safety plan before they left. But they also expressed that they'd gone through a number of unexpected health ups and downs in the time since we started dating, and they were worried about it "destroying" our relationship. I was not sure what to say, but I tried to express that I also have been through physical & mental health ups and downs and I understand that the world is really hard at times, and it's important to stay with each other through the trouble however we can. But I also tried to say that I think it's complicated and maybe something to talk more about. I just feel that going through those things can be so emotionally impactful, and it's important to have realistic boundaries. Even now, I'm sort of feeling emotionally confused, because I'm not sure if I can sustainably keep doing what we've been doing in this relationship. I want to be present for my loved one and I want them to be able to stay at my house and feel safe there. But I also sometimes lose sight of my own needs when they're over here, and I know that's not their fault, at all, and it's also something I tried to communicate to them lately, and I asked for some alone time, and they were receptive to that. It's just that when I spend time with someone for hours, and that turns into days, it uses social energy, and I miss messages from other people in my life, and I forget to take care of life tasks that I'm supposed to do, and I also try and cook for us, and I try and be conversationally present... ...But at a certain point it feels like I hit a wall, and I realize I just don't have the mental/emotional/physical energy to cook, or to have a conversation. And it feels so frustrating -- and again, it's not my partner's fault, at all, and that's why I'm trying to come here and ask online for advice and try and sort out my own boundaries. I am trying to balance my own mental/physical/emotional limits, while also allowing myself to step outside of my comfort zone a bit. And I'm trying to be open about my mental/physical/emotional needs, before it gets to an "emergency" stage where I'm physically/emotionally overwhelmed and mad and in pain. I try and journal, I try and practice grounding/breath work skills, and lots of other things, I have some familiarity with DBT, but maybe I just don't have a lot of practice really naming and communicating how I'm feeling to other people. I'm also nervous about patterns of enmeshment / codependence because I have experienced some of that in the past, and so has my partner, and we've talked about it, but I am not sure if we're still feeding into harmful dynamics like that, or how we can protect against that. I think there's probably more I could say but at this point this post is pretty long so I will just release it... Thank you to anyone who reads this! Thank you even more if you stop to offer even a few words of support or advice or shared experience. Love to you all.
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diary 04/26/2022
Journals & Diaries / by juneravens
Last post
 May 1st, 2022
...See more (comments okay) feeling - overwhelmed & waves of horrible feelings keep coming over me and I'm just trying to ride it out I am moving this week, and that is exhausting. Plus I've moved so much over the past several years. I just want to find some place that I can stay and some people I can be with, with some kind of longevity. I moved into this shared house and I really hoped that that kind of community and longevity could exist here, but I overlooked a lot of red flags and didn't speak up about it or really acknowledge it to myself. I also realized I had been in an abusive relationship but hadn't fully accepted that I was a survivor of that either - I just thought it was my responsibility to get over it without ever fully feeling the anger about it or accepting that some of the things that happened were wrong. I think my denial of that contributed to me getting into another situation where I minimized my own needs & minimized things that were not working for me & didn't communicate ... but also I have tried to communicate, I just don't feel any reciprocity from my housemates and I see that they're struggling with things too. But it's really frustrating and ... yeah I just had to accept that I can't fix or change other people's problems. Plus, the person I was in that relationship with happens to look a little bit like one of my housemates, and I never told them that because why would I want to talk about that? But I'm worried that my lack of transparency & my attempt to build a relationship anyway with this new person just created a really weird situation. I really want us to just be friends but at this moment I just can't handle it. And now I just feel so overwhelmingly anxious and just shut myself in my room almost any time I hear my housemates around outside. Except for one housemate who I think has similar problems because we've talked about it and they're a really nice person but things still haven't changed enough for me to stay. Sorry that's a lot of angst in a lot of words lol. I think what bothers me most is I am just giving up on having relationships with some of these people who I've lived with for months, and I hate doing that? But I also just have no idea how to continue with a relationship in a way that's authentic and doesn't feel like I'm ignoring my own boundaries. Maybe with time and once we don't live together it'll be better. But also there's definitely one person here that I want to just go no-contact with [for too many reasons to get into here]. Idk. Wish me luck with moving? At least I don't have too much stuff and I can borrow a car from my family. I'm looking forward to being elsewhere and just focusing on myself for a while. I also want to get back into therapy - I've been trying to do that but just having so much overwhelm and difficulty finding someone accessible and... yeah but maybe it'll be easier once my immediate physical environment is different and this house isn't taking up so much energy from me. Ok. Thanks for reading if you read this far. I really just vented a lot.
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How do you feel about being bipolar and taking medicine if you take it?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by juneravens
Last post
 April 6th, 2022
...See more I am bipolar and take 75 mg of the mood stabilizer lamotrigine, aka Lamictal, every day. I have been taking it for about 3 or 4 years, and I'm used to it, but I notice that a lot of other things in my life help more. Or hurt more. But it's like, jf I adjusted every other facet of my life to be medicinal, to honor my body's needs for rest and activation, food and water, would I even need the meds? I am wondering what other people's experiences are with meds. I have also taken meds that Did Not work well. I've also taken things as medicine that worked really well, but were very different from the meds I am supposed to take. Sometimes it feels like a medical mental health diagnosis is a really big deal, and sometimes it doesn't. Does anybody relate? I hope so because I hope there's some people looking for connection here Sorry this got so rambly, I said so much QUESTION: And what is your medicine?
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Journal thread
Journals & Diaries / by juneravens
Last post
 December 16th, 2021
...See more Maybe this is a good idea I am anxious as hell at work right now Sometimes for this job I have to listen to really difficult material and at the end of the day I am so tired Basically for my job I type up transcripts of news and other programs. I just spend the day listening to audio really carefully and I type on the computer as I go. It is fine but it's also I'm feeling burnt out. A volunteer opening came up this weekend with a group of people I wanted to be more connected to, but I don't know if I can go. My energy is really anxious and I don't know if it would be a good idea for me to be out trying to do things for other people. I just want to be more connected to people but I feel so overwhelmed too. I wish I could spend all the time I wanted with people around me. And not spend 25-30 hours a week listening to other people's voices. Ugh whatever. It's frustrating to me, my emotions feel really big, I would like a therapist who is a decent person so that I don't worry about being too much for the other people in my life. So I can go somewhere else to talk about the things I am not sure anyone wants to hear about. I guess this is what this page is for since I am on the computer anyway. Sorry this is not a very optimistic post. Um. I am trying to get out a bunch of frustrations. I ultimately feel okay about life in a lot of ways, too. I appreciate the time I have to sit down and write this even though I'm really stressed about how long my work is taking, about the physical pain from sitting and doing one thing and being exhausted in one specific way... I don't know. Aaah wait. Okay I appreciate the time to make this post. I appreciate water and food and sunlight. And air. I appreciate plants. I feel a little bit like a plant. Like an outgrowth of the earth. I am just a part of the earth. I am grateful for the place I have to stay and be alive now. I think later today I will go outside and appreciate all these things more. I will try and have a conversation with someone. Just with the goal of connecting with someone. ??? Will come back to this thread later
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Advice wanted - what sort of support is it okay to seek from friends/loved ones vs. professionals?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by juneravens
Last post
 December 7th, 2021
...See more Cross-posting this from the relationships forum because I've specifically been diagnosed as bipolar. Hi, everyone. This is something I've been trying to figure out as I try to do better with my mental health and accept support from people around me. I have a number of people who have told me they're here for me, but I feel like some of my issues would be best addressed in a separate space like therapy. Which is why I'm working on finding a new therapist. But I know also open and honest communication is important for any relationship, and maybe if something's really affecting me, I should tell people about it? At least so they know what's going on? I don't know. Does anyone have similar experiences or thoughts?
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Advice wanted - what sort of support is it okay to seek from friends/loved ones vs. professionals?
Relationship Stress / by juneravens
Last post
 November 30th, 2021
...See more Hi, everyone. This is something I've been trying to figure out as I try to do better with my mental health and accept support from people around me. I have a number of people who have told me they're here for me, but I feel like some of my issues would be best addressed in a separate space like therapy. Which is why I'm working on finding a new therapist. But I know also open and honest communication is important for any relationship, and maybe if something's really affecting me, I should tell people about it? At least so they know what's going on? I don't know. Does anyone have similar experiences or thoughts?
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job burnout but otherwise passionate about life
Journals & Diaries / by juneravens
Last post
 November 30th, 2021
...See more what do you do when living in a job bums you out, but you still care about living a fulfilling life? anyone's welcome to comment. if you don't live in a job - what fulfills your life? forgive my English
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How do you identify your triggers?
Trauma Support / by juneravens
Last post
 November 25th, 2021
...See more Hi, seeking advice in the hopes of being able to handle my relationships better. How do you identify and communicate the things that trigger you? For me, I can realize that something - ex. a particular sound my housemate makes - reminds me of someone else. But I don't know if I really want to ask them to stop making that sound. It kind of helps that I hear the sound from somebody new, not the person I went through all the trauma with. Also, sometimes I don't know how to communicate that something is triggering me because I'm so overwhelmed with the emotions in the moment that it's happening. I just know that I feel really unwell and I need to take some space from the situation. Sometimes it's hard to describe because it's like a whole social situation is triggering, and I feel like the people in it would not listen to me/believe me about why. I am really trying to practice regulating myself better and being aware of my emotions and triggers and reactions. It is really healing for me when I've been able to do that. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.
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