I just need to vent
So there's this conference I went to all through high school and it's March 2nd-6th. I had so much fun and I wanted to go again this year and it was perfect because it was during the last four days of my spring break but my mom, who tends to plan my life for me, planned a trip to Washington, D.C. to go see her during my entire spring break. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but I was really looking forward to going to this conference. But being the big softy that I am, I didn't say anything because she was excited to see me. Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore and I told her that I wanted to go. It's not like I would be abandoning her, I'd still spend over half the week with her and the rest of week at the conference. Now let me get something clear. I'm almost 20 years old and I've never been on a field trip without my mom. She holds my hand wherever I go. Literally the plane to DC is the first flight I've ever taken alone. She wants to go with me to this conference and she won't let me go unless she goes with me. Am I totally insane or is that ridiculous? Because she's complaining that it doesn't work with her schedule when I'm perfectly capable of taking a cheap flight to the state of the conference and finding a hotel there. I have connections there and my old high school is going. But she insists that I'm ten f** years old and wants to hold my hand. I'm just so over it at this point. I can't take it anymore.
@retrocal
As a parent of a 13-year old who is going to DC on her school trip (about a 5-hour drive) with her school, I got to sit through a meeting with parents asking questions like, "Will there be bathrooms in the hotel?" (They are staying in The Hilton.) Another asked, "Will they be secluded from the rest of the public?" (I'm not sure how you'd do that and still see anything important in our Nation's capital.) I left after the second question.
Don't get me wrong, I do understand these parent's fears. We live in a world where the tiniest percentage of insanity becomes the headline for the 'News' and the vast majority of wonderful things that happen are relegated to page 27.
When the one parent asked about how much the students would be 'in with the general public' all I could think of is I took my kids to the movie theater that previous weekend. Were we safe there? Would a terrorist get less attention burning a church with 3 occupants than 30? I don't think so anymore.
That being said, yes we need to be cautious, but we cannot let us make us going insane. The difficulty, as a parent, is where do we draw the line? I've worked with Junior High students for 15 or so years. Some could be trusted: others not so much.
Is this the time for you? That's a discussion you should have with your mom. Try to understand that her intention is good. If you work from the idea that, "I know you want only the best for me, but …" I hope you can come to a decision where there are no hard feelings.
This is not easy. She's been soooo looking forward to this special time together.
I remember when I was 16. My parents let me fly to Chicago for a youth conference. By myself! (with only 1 other student who was also 16--it was the first time I had ever been in an airplane.) It was in the 1970s. I guess my parents were pretty cool after all!
Maybe if you can reassure her how much she is loved? So often, it is important not to look at the surface issues, but to look at the core issues: does the other person feel dismissed, unloved? What can I do to address the other person's real needs?
@Annie
That's what I think as well, it doesn't seem like a mother who wants to make you miserable, she just may want to know that she is okay, and the time she has with her might mean a lot to mom. Sometimes they think you don't love them as much.
@retrocal
It's a bit much, at the age of 20 you need some personal space to make decisions without a chaporone. I'm not saying your mom is wrong, just that she may be impeading on you a bit without her actually knowing. I think talking to her and getting out what you feel is potentially a good thing. Not to stir anything up but to clarify your feelings.
