I can make it!
6/03/2022
I am happy I can write my own diary here. I used to have a notebook with a padlock on it (It was a teen thing, very popular before), but my sister got a hold of it and teased me so badly I think I got trauma in ever having a notebook diary. But here, I think I feel completely safe. First, maybe because of the fact that no one really knows me here. And I do think no one's gonna tease me here. Even if they do, they won't know it's me. So, it's completely safe. I tend to actually overthink, like what if they track my IP address? LOL! I'd be too far away for them to reach me. Second, writing on the keyboard is actually faster and easier than writing on the notebook. It's like my writing can keep up with my thoughts. Great. Third, maybe, just maybe, I can also be of help to someone. Because you know, when you know that you are not alone in your struggles, it makes you feel relieved. Like, I'm not the only one carrying this burden. Them too. So I also gotta do my best. Fourth, writing relieves my anxiousness. I get anxious from time to time without people sorrounding me actually knowing - except my mom - because I don't show them. I don't need to. And I think they won't care a bit. Because I can feel that they only want to think of me as someone who can do all things alone, or someone who doesn't need anybody. Which makes me think that they don't really genuinely care about me. If they did, they'd ask me "How are you?". But not in a million years. 😔 Sounds sad right? But I learned to cope up with it. It's also because mom is there. Though we are like 2 hours away from each other, her heart is like, just beside me. She can sense when I'm uneasy or when I need help. More than telepathy, huh? Well, that's a mother's heart, and that's one of the things I'm grateful for. Having a mother's love. Though I don't show her often my affection, I love her as deep as the sea. As high as the skies. As endless as the times. She's the best mom in the whole wide world. OK, so dear diary, I gotta study. I'll write to you later, alright? Bye now. Muwah! 😘
I so so so relate to you .Even I was traumatized in past as friends mother found my diary as i used to keep it at her place .
Later I stopped writing it.Recently I went through a very bad breakup and my listener suggested me I should start journelling again.
Also as you said - my mom has been my biggest support .She understands my mood without saying anything.She helps me to cope up with my breakup .She is the best .And yeah mom's are the besstttt.
@TipsyBee
It's so nice to see that someone can relate with me. Hope we can be friends!
We sure can 😊
@secretPine1913
6/03/2022 8:53 pm
Dear Diary, I'm back as I promised. We're going to have a comprehensive pre-final validation quiz tomorrow. And ta-da, my anxiousness is back again. Whenever it happens, I can't focus on my schedule. My brain keeps on asking "what-ifs". I keep on scrolling social media to distract my nervous thoughts, but it doesn't help at all. It only adds up to my distraction and procrastination and my anxiety is still there. So, I took a walk out night to clear my mind. My heart felt as ease for a while. Then, I pray. I talk to God, and cast all my worries upon Him. That no matter the outcome, I know He will be with me in my battles. Whether I win or I lose, I'll do my best 'coz He sent me here. I do not fight my battles alone. Though my heart still pits-a-pat nervously, I decide to face my fear. Because if I don't, I'll only fear it longer. I have to face it tomorrow and evaluate myself. Just want you to know Pine, that you did well today. You'll even be better tomorrow. Good luck, I believe in you even when no one does, 'coz I know the real you. Don't let them or the circumstances pull you down! We can do this! ☺️. And when you finally earn that title and succeed, don't forget to come back here and visit me, the group, and the first ever group of people who cheered you up and believed in you that you cried while reading it all. This - this is gonna be your record of journey to success. Until tomorrow!
Strangely, though I used to force myself that I can make it, this time, I'm actually feeling that I really can make it. It gets better. :)