I Need to get this off my chest

Throughout the past couple of weeks, I have watched my hometown burn, my friends get attacked by police as they peacefully protest and have heard stories from my African-American friends about their run-in with racism and life-threatening instances with the police. My heart breaks for all of these things and I am doing everything I can to support and stand by their side!

A bit of my background to explain where I'm coming from before the story. All my life I have had friends of every race, sexual orientation, etc. A few of my closest friends are African American. Two of my cousins are as well, as are their children. My cousin Patrice posted the other day about her being scared for her two sons and being thankful they are not 5 years older where they could be assaulted and/or killed by police officers. This is heart breaking! This is my FAMILY! These are people I care deeply about!! My other friend told me a story of how last year, a cop pulled him over and told him there was a warrant out for his arrest. David doesn't have warrants! The cop was lying and the proof was, when he saw how scared David was, he "was letting him off with a warning". If there is a warrant out for someone's arrest, you don't "let them off with a warning." On top of this I have witnessed this discriminatory racism first hand back in high school towards a friend of mine when a cop accused her of "causing trouble" when all she asked was "why are you doing this?" in a calm voice. So my back is pretty up when it comes to the racism inherent in society.

So that's a little about me.

Now for what's bothering me.

Two of my friends and I decided to start a virtual choir to sing a song in homage to the social injustice. We reworked the lyrics to be about the atrocities being committed, and reached out to all we knew. I set up the page and organized everything. An ex-coworker of mine (who is white. This is important), messaged me telling me it wasn't right for me to be putting this together. That I needed to pick a different song (mind you, I am one of three to put this together. 2 are my very close friends who happen to be African American). I thanked her for her input and kindly explained this was the song the group had chosen. If she didn't want to be a part that was okay! It's not for her and we understood.

The group was posted and at first we had so many wonderful people joining from all walks of life! We started forming the choir we wanted so that our voices can be heard in unity against the horrors people have faced. Then a friend of mine messaged me apologizing for "what was going on". I had no idea what she was talking about and so I looked on the page. A woman who had been invited to join the group by another member was angry because we mentioned we had wanted POC to be a part (Those are my friend's words). But unfortunately I had the group and had posted the message. I was then being accused of white washing the song just because I'm white and had started the group. I kindly apologized if anything had cause her any discomfort. I assured her there were other people involved as well but she wouldn't have it. My friend David even made a post on the group explaining he had helped to start it and she needed to stop "attacking me".

We had 42 people in the choir at this point.

I created a post basically explaining that I was the organizer but not the only leader. I mentioned it shouldn't matter what my OWN skin color is if we are all just trying to help. I mentioned if people really felt they needed to talk we are more than happy to but the group was for people to come together and not to argue.

Then that same Ex-coworker came back.

A bit of background on said coworker: this young woman since we met has been combative numerous times for vague reasons. She drunkenly admitted to me once that she "felt threatened by me". When I asked her why because I had no problem with her, the response was "because I wish I could sing like you" (true story). When we were both put on a project for the job together, she annexed me out and told me she just "didn't need help" even though we were both asked to split it. I didn't argue because hey, maybe she really needed a project. These are just some examples.

Anyway, so this person starts messaging me on the group about how me being "in charge" of the group was wrong. (remember she's white). I explained to her we had already spoken and she didn't need to bring this up again. She then proceeded to talk about how I opened things up for discussion, how now I'm running away from conflict, how she'll talk in private. I asked her multiple times to talk in private to which she wouldn't until she "saw I had messaged her." Whoops. Mind you, this is all in public view.

Once in private, she proceeds to chastise me more. Telling me I am a "bored little white girl who wants to sing a song". This woman does not know my background. She does not know who is in my family or where I come from. She is also a person who takes ANY opportunity to "defend" when in reality she just wants to seem tough and misconstrues ALL the time. She said she was just "keeping me in check". Mind you, this is not a close friend of mine. I told her she was out of line and needed to stop. She went on to tell me how I needed to "admit that I was wrong". I asked about what? She said "For starting the group and not letting 'black people' be involved". I reminded her two of my friends , one whom she knows, started the group and were African Americans. She told me I had to "turn the power over to them." I mentioned we were working TOGETHER. This was not just MY project. She kept going on like this and I kept politely asking her to stop. She claimed I wasn't listening to her and I mentioned she is judging the situation without having any idea of what is going on in the background. When I mentioned judging, I was met with "I'm not judging you at all! But you're clearly one of the reasons white people trying to make this entire thing about you."

Tell me how that's not judging.

Someone who has only been invited to a group where three friends are putting together a choir to join voices from all backgrounds in order to speak up against racism. This group is about coming together. One of the women involved lived around the corner from where George Floyd was murdered.

And then to top this all off, that coworker says "This is happening in MINNEAPOLIS! This doesn't even effect you."

I was raised for 18 years in Minneapolis. My FAMILY is there! My FRIENDS are at those protests! My FRIENDS are being gassed! My FRIENDS are being attacked! They are NOT rioters. They are NOT looters. They are PEACEFULLY protesting and getting ATTACKED!!!

I somehow, by the grace of god, was able to not tell her to go f**@# herself. But honestly, it really made me angry. This person is preaching anti-racism yet is actually committing that crime herself while accusing others of it who are not. This is a problem!

Sorry for the long message. I just REALLY needed to get this off my chest.