Growing

(These are thoughts and feelings I've been holding in for a long time. I'm truly sorry if someone reads this and gets triggered or something. I don't mean to harm anyone. I just have to let these feelings go. I haven't felt normal in a few days, so I think typing all of this out and posting it may help. Writing is one of my passions. It has always helped me deal with my pain :)

I don't know why you ghosted me. I know thing were rough and not easy, yet just ghosting me has left me feeling so betrayed and uneasy. I sit here and laugh about it honestly. I now struggle to deal with people because of what you did to me. That is so messed up. Like if you did that to me so unexpected what is stopping someone else from doing the same? I never wanted to be or feel anti social, yet here we are. Everyone always tells me to talk to them and they will always respond. But they don't which I understand, yet it just hurts so much to build up trust with someone just to end up being forgotten. And then it's worse when people get offended and start hurling insults back at you like you reaching out to them is a problem. These people know exactly what the problem is, yet they don't want to deal with it so they make up excuses as to why their life is more important and all that ***.  I don't want to hide from my problems. I want to face them and overcome them not make up excuses and act like everything is fine when it's not. Honestly I feel like Winston Smith in 1984. it's like I'm living in this world where a majority of people are just following orders when I see problems and want to face them. I'm never going to a guinea pig, following the crowd. That life ain't for me. I know this makes life harder, yet so much more rewarding. i love to research and ask difficult questions cause those questions need to be answered. It's ok if people get upset. Our emotions deserve to be heard.

The silver lining is this has helped me to grow as a person and to understand myself better not because of what you did to me, yet because I learned I don't need you anymore. I'm wounded, but I'm healing so much. Some days and moments are a struggle, yet I got my eye on the prize. I'm thankful to be alive and be a part of God's creation. Life is a gift. It's sad people don't understand that. I'm going to keep smiling and enjoying life, especially with the people who truly care. There are people out there( yes, I'm shouting you out Tiny Whisper :) who actually care about you and that is awesome! 

I want to help others deal with their problems. No one should have to face life and all their challenges alone. We need to do a much better job at listening and understanding each other. We're only alone if we allow our minds to play tricks on us. I don't believe in magic, yet I do believe we have power inside of us to take on life and thrive. I'm blessed to be a part of 7 Cups and hear so many others stories. All of us are doing a really excellent job slaying our dragons and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Those negative folks can't touch us no more! Take pride in that and don't allow others weak opinions to slow us down. They too have their own issues and deserve help only if they desire it. God is here. He is with you and wants only what is best for your life. Trust and keep trucking forward! Peace out!