Feelin weird

I feel bad. I wanna give my boyfriend unconditional love all the time not just under the influence but I find when I’m sober everything just hurts. I’m saying I’m fine and trying to keep positive and idk what it is but it feels like someone has locked me in this cage and I feel like I’m not even trying to get out anymore. It feels helpless. I don’t want to tell him what’s going on but I also want to so bad. It just feels like I’ve given up with everything. On my academics, jobs, hygiene, business, friends, significant other, and family. I feel so powerless. I feel so guilty for struggling to even be around anyone. I don’t want to be alone but that’s all I can do right now. It’s so hard to even speak, hold a conversion, it’s like I’m not there. I wish I could make this feeling go away. I don’t know why it’s not going away.