Diary of a Workaholic...

Dear Diary,

The past three days have been unusual. For one, yesterday was my cousin's wedding. The day before, my cousin's family invited me, my sister, and my mother for a dinner. My father was also invited but he was ill. My mother and I rode a taxi to the noodle shop and arrived early. We ended up going to a mini-market nearby and browsed several aisles aimlessly for 15 minutes or so. During the dinner, my family and my cousin's family (along with my cousin's soon-to-be wife's family hashed out the details of what should happen the next day. One conclusion was that my family had to get up at 4am and arrived at the hotel at 5.30am to help out with the wedding. After returning home and showering, I was ready to start my nightly routine when all the electricity in my room stopped working. It turned out that there was something wrong with the electricity in my room's part of the house. As a result, I had to move my stuff to the laundry room and sleep there. Among hanged and damp clothes, I read Sally Rooney's "Normal People" which felt like a warm hug consoling me from this unexpected event. I also felt sad about having to move some of my stuff to the laundry room. It felt too much like my upcoming move to an apartment. Rooney's "Normal People" sent me off to the dreamland, but my alarm clock woke me up in a few hours. It was time to help out with my cousin's wedding. Out with June, in with July

July does come with a bang! My family arrived at the hotel and was able to find just enough parking spot for ourselves. We then waited for a good half-an-hour in my cousin's hotel room. There were seven people in a single hotel room! Due to the lack of chairs, some of us just sat on the bed. Soon, the wedding rituals began. My family carried a few trays of gifts to the room of the bride, while the cameras recorded. After that, we all went to the church where I was tasked to welcome the guests. It was quite a thankless task since my tasks required me to miss the first half-an-hour of the wedding ceremony, to accommodate for the late guests. Noon came and we had four hours of rest. I took a short nap on the sofa. Then we all returned to the hotel for yet another ritual. This time, it was tea-drinking ritual. The tea-drinking ritual was wrapped up with the wedding reception. I liked the food, but had to control my portion so as not to regain weight. I was proud when I stepped on to the scale this morning, showing that my weight had decreased. I thought of mushroom soup and potato au gratin as I wrote down my record-low body weight. I played CIV 5 for the rest of the day. Towards the night, an electrician my parents called managed to fix the electricity in my room. I'm now in my room writing this diary. Very strange indeed. It is as if I was meant to sleep in the laundry room during the unusual-yet-exciting past three days.

Lots of other things happened in the past month. Earlier in June, I surveyed four apartment buildings with my mother. One clearly stood out from the rest, both in terms of quality and price. Unfortunately, they did not showed me the two-bedroom unit, which was too big for me. I asked them to show me the studio unit once it becomes available. As luck would have it, it became available the week after. My mother and I returned to the apartment to survey the studio unit. I liked it so much that I decided right there and then to rent it. As of now, I've sent the security deposit and read through the contract. Something is still pending at their legal department, but once it clears, I can sign the paper and then the rent is officially approved. Only a little more than a month remains until my move to the apartment. I feel happy and sad simultaneously.

I also made substantial progress in establishing good habits. For the past two weeks or so, I managed to wake up before 7.30am every day -- with only three failures. I also spent a lot more time on my personal projects, like my personal knowledge management and my self-study of programming. The secret is to track my habits. I made a checklist in Google Sheets for each habit I want to establish and every time I succeed in doing that, I check the box. It sounds simple, but it pushes the go-getter part of myself to stick with my habits. As of waking up, checklist was not enough though. Luckily there is an alarm clock in Google app store which suits my need. The alarm rings can't only be stopped if I have walked 20 steps. Those 20 steps allow me to properly wake up before I can dismiss the alarm and go right back to sleep.

As a result of these good habits, I've finished skimming Schwarzenegger's Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding. I managed to revise my workout plan accordingly. In that new plan, I will be working out six days a week which will enable me to train each muscle group two times a week. I can't wait to begin this workout plan in the end of August. In terms of dieting, I also managed to lose substantial weight. I think I lost 2-3 kilograms in the past one month. I found one food item I enjoyed a lot: powdered milk. They pack lots of protein in a few scoops and very little fat. I've been experimenting with one brand of powdered milk. But there seems to be another brand I'm going to like as well. Perhaps mixing two powdered milk in one drink may create a different flavor I like. I also scheduled several appointments with eye doctors in regards to getting LASIK for myself. I feel a little bit scared (which is normal), but the one doctor I visited was reassuring. I'm going to meet another doctor next week, which I hope will ensure me that getting LASIK is the right decision.

Sadly, last week I decided to stop writing fiction. I realized that I was not that passionate about writing fiction (for now), so I chose to reallocate those times to study instead. Studying is also a more practical self-development path for me, since it may open a possibility of enrolling in PhD program and, quite likely, returning to the US. Also, perhaps I should write my diary more often with shorter entries. After a month of not writing, I tend to write so much that it gets out of hand (like right now).

Best regards,

Bright Penguin

I am grateful for (1) the sixth season of Black Mirror on Netflix, (2) a recent catch-up Zoom call with a friend from college (who has worked in Germany but is soon returning to his home country Japan), and (3) lots of quality time spent on going out and dining with my family.

Dear Diary,

I finally moved out into my apartment! The past three days have been exciting and surprisingly smooth. I moved out of my parents' house on Monday. It was off to a rocky start. When I was reversing my car through the garage, I hit the front gates with the bumper of my car. It left a greenish scratch in front of the car. It was also the first time I drove the car without my parents' driver supervising me. On top of that, my mother sat in front, next to me. She was so anxious about me driving that I became anxious too. I'll talk more about driving pretty soon. In any case, I drove my mother to a bank so that I can pick up a card for parking payment. Then we shopped kitchenware at a nearby store. My mother was so scared of me driving alone that she instructed her driver to supervise me when driving. So, I drove to the apartment with the driver sitting next to me, who kept assuring me that I can already drive safely. Upon arriving at the apartment, I unpacked my stuff. The huge pile of stuff immediately discouraged me from tidying it. Instead, I walked to a nearby supermarket to purchase bathroom supplies and have dinner at a nearby pizzeria. Feeling tired, I decided to walk back home, take a shower, and go to sleep. Having entered the bathroom, removed all my clothes, and turned on the shower, I realized the supposed body wash I bought was actually a body lotion. I had to go out again to buy body wash. Because of this, I wasn't able to post my diary on Monday. I felt so tired!

If Monday had a lot of walking, Tuesday had a lot of sitting down. After lunch, two groups of technicians went to my apartment room: one to install the internet modem and another to install a kitchen cupboard. I sat down (and even fell asleep while sitting down) for most of the afternoon. I also overate by 300 calories and realized I had skipped my workout on Monday. I expect to skip Tuesday's workout as well since the technicians took a long time to finish their work. After sunset, the technicians finally finished their work. I walked to a street vendor next to the apartment and bought my dinner. My order -- one portion of rice, four portions of tempeh, and four portions of tofu -- was apparently so strange that the cashier checked with me if I didn't want to order more rice. Back in my apartment room, I realized that the plates and bowls I purchased on Monday were not microwaveable. So I ate my dinner before it got cold. It was delicious and spicy. Unfortunately, as a result of the spices, I experienced a stomachache so severe it woke me up at 3am. The next morning (that is, this morning), I woke up feeling lethargic and lightheaded. Needless to say, I did not post my diary yet again.

Despite a rocky start, today I managed to accomplish most of the things on my list. I also overcame my fear of driving this morning. Because I have to pick up the card I failed to pick up on Monday, I drove to the bank soon after finishing my breakfast today. I picked up the card on time, but when I entered my car, I couldn't start the engine. After a call with my parents' driver, I learned that it occurred because the steering wheel moved after the engine was turned off. He then told me how to fix it -- and I did. Then I drove to a shopping mall to have lunch at Subway and to purchase other kitchenware. The sales attendant was so helpful, she literally carried my shopping basket and I just followed her. Having finished shopping, I drove back to the apartment and took a brief nap before going to the gym. As it was my first time visiting the gym, I met with a fitness consultant who explained to me how to lose weight and gain muscle. Then I worked out at the gym, which was less awkward than I thought it was going to be. (Being watched by other people while sweating does not exactly feel comfortable to me). I then ate dinner at a nearby restaurant and drank my protein shake upon arriving at the apartment. I did some errand before relaxing and lost my temper a little because my banking app acted out when I was trying to pay for car parking. All in all, the past three days has been really good. I did not feel empty or depressed at all. Indeed, novelty is good for the brain. This change is what I really need. Tomorrow, I'm going home to my parents' house. My move-out has gone more smoothly than I thought.

That's all for today. Off to reading Isaac Asimov's Foundation.

Best regards,

Bright Penguin

I am grateful for: (1) a new pair of glasses I purchased about two weeks ago, (2) relatively-smooth move-out to the apartment, and (3) good gym near the apartment.

Dear Diary,

For the past two weeks, I've been going back and forth between my apartment and my parents' house. In general, on weekend I live in my parents' house whereas on the weekdays I live in my apartment. Though, in a manner of speaking, I've moved out of my parents' house several times, I still feel sad whenever I have to leave it for my apartment. Just like today, about a few hours after lunch, I drove to my apartment to live here for the next five days. For some reason, I felt heavy and restless prior to leaving my parents' house. I kept walking from one room to another in search of who-knows-what.

But good things also happened due to my move to the apartment. I've been working out at a nearby gym consistently and, in fact, hired a personal trainer to help me improve on weightlifting. Strangely, I found that the workout program he prescribed for me felt lighter than the one I've been using. I could manage 10-15 reps per set whereas on my program I'd be lucky if I can even reach 5 reps. Maybe I've been using weights that are too heavy. Maybe my personal trainer's program will help develop my health even better than the one I have did. On the other hand, I also had mostly abandoned my vegetarian diet. Cooking takes so much time and, as a result, I subscribed to a catering service. The service unfortunately did not have options for vegetarian meal, so I have been eating chicken and meat for quite a while. In the near future, when things stabilize, I plan to catalog all low-calorie high-protein vegetarian food items so that I can slowly switch back to what I believe to be a more humane dietary choice. I also found a dessert station near my apartment from which I bought a few dessert items on my most recent return to my parents' house. Unsurprisingly my mother loved the dessert. She requested me to purchase more on my next return home.

At home, things have also changed slightly. My sister and her boyfriend kept coming up with nice plan to go out. So, both my mother and I sometimes tag along and visit new places. For example, on Saturday two weeks ago, we went to a traditional clothes fair where my sister and my mother managed to find new clothes to purchase. Then we visited my new apartment. My sister took several pictures from the balcony, which look really good. The next day, we went to eat pancakes at a new restaurant which were really delicious. Additionally, my parents have started to become convinced of my driving skill. Yesterday, instead of walking to church, I drove my mother to church where she played the keyboard for the evening service. She was still quite jumpy whenever I took a turn in narrow streets, but she's getting calmer over time.

Finally, my first day at the new employer is coming soon. In fact, it will happen in two days. I feel really nervous about it and have been feeling imposter syndrome. Exacerbating this anxiety is the fact that I have to come to the office on that day. That means meeting strangers which is not exactly a relaxing experience for an introvert like myself. But maybe this is a start of something special. I'm going to make new friends really soon! Wish me luck on my new journey.

Best regards,

Bright Penguin

I am grateful for: (1) great music such as Yumi Zouma's EP III and Jungle's newly-released album Volcano; (2) an engaging book I recently picked up called A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, and; (3) anime Death Note which I finished a few days ago (the ending was so good that I thought it was going to trigger post-anime depression which fortunately did not happen, possibly due to my better circumstances now).

Dear Diary,

My first day and first two weeks at the new company went well. Though there was lots of IT tools and terminology I need to be familiar with, the people are very welcoming. I met quite a few people that I can comfortably call trusted colleagues. More concretely though, if the past two weeks can be described using as few words as possible, it would be this: back-to-back mind-numbing Zoom calls. The training session was quite intense, both in the amount of time it took as well as the cognitive demand it required. The job was also interesting. In fact, it was so interesting I got ahead of myself and ended up working after work hours. Needless to say, this made me abandon most of my personal projects. But I hope to pick them up again once my workload stabilizes. I need to learn to pace myself.

My new job also demands a change to my workout regime. My subscription to a personal trainer at a nearby gym almost ran out. Good thing I already spent nearly all the sessions allocated to me. Though I see value in the personal trainer (e.g., he was knowledgeable), I think I'm not going to continue my subscription. My work schedule can be unpredictable that it becomes unrealistic to schedule workout session in advance. If anything, subscribing to the personal trainer will likely make me visit the gym less frequently due to inconvenience in scheduling. But I will continue to workout even without this subscription. One day I might be working out at 7am, next day I might be there at 8pm. By removing my personal trainer's availability from the equation, my workout now depends only on my availability.

Now I'm going to talk about what happened today. I woke up early and went to the office in taxi. Because my apartment was close to the apartment, the taxi driver ended up asking me how much I'm willing to pay. I said some number I thought was reasonable, but ended up overpaying by two times. At the office, I picked up my office access card and joined the training session for the whole day. Nothing special there. If anything, I met a few other colleagues who are very welcoming, but I still felt slightly out of place. After all, it's difficult for me to warm up to new people. On the other hand, one of the training sessions ended today and, as a result, the group I've been with for the past two days was disbanded. We had quite a heartwarming virtual farewell where each member said good things about each other. We also took screenshots of a few drawings we made as memento. After my training was over, I went to an office event. I did not know anyone there and felt out of place again. After half an hour or so, I furtively left the venue and I went back to my apartment. On my way to the apartment, I stopped at a mini-market to purchase my breakfast tomorrow (breakfast is necessary since I'm going to workout tomorrow morning). At the entrance of the grocery store, there was a female cat and her newborn cub. The cub was really cute and kept trying to enter the store. It managed to enter the store and ran around the store. After paying for a pair of sandwich for my breakfast tomorrow, I exited the store and pet the female cat. After a few seconds of this, I got up and walked back to the apartment. I took another look at the cat and, for some reason, my heart felt painful.

On an unrelated-yet-more-reflective note, yesterday night I was reading my journal entries from last year. It astonished me how much things have changed. Yesterday was exactly one week prior to my birthday. It was also approximately one year after my mental breakdown last year. I still remember laying down on my bed immobile with headphones on my ear listening to slowed+reverb song edits on YouTube for hours. That was a dark (but, looking back, also sweet) time. I was feeling lost in terms of how I can pursue the career I wanted, but now I seem to be on the right track. It is strange though. That hard time ended up shaping me to be a better version of myself: persistent but mindful, resilient but empathetic. It launched a year-long (and counting) period of watching animes and listening to sentimental EDM music. I still remember listening to slowed+reverb version of Katy Perry's Waking Up in Vegas and watching Cowboy Bebop because of the artwork on the YouTube video. Nietzsche's amor fati and stoicism are no longer at the forefront of my mind, but I try to live according to those principles. The stars indeed look bright when viewed from a dark place.

That's it for now. I'm going to rewatch the English dub of my favorite anime, Chainsaw Man.

Best regards,

Bright Penguin

I am grateful for: (1) the relatively-smooth first two weeks at a new company, (2) the feeling of camaraderie I felt with the project group during training, (3) the small heartwarming moment with the stray cat in front of a minimarket today, (4) the horchata I drank last Sunday, which reminded me of my days at graduate school in the US, and; (5) Hazel English's songs and Holiday87's new song Break.

Dear Diary,

It's been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote to you. It has been very hectic for me. Late August, I was still on training and feeling anxious about my new job. I learned that there will be time when I had to find projects for myself. That means talking to middle managers who find value in staffing me on their projects. I thought to myself that it feels like searching for a new job every few months. On the good side, that means exposure to variety of industries as well. But things have changed quite drastically since then.

I finished my training exactly on my birthday. There was a mock client presentation which we had to prepare for. I think I did relatively well. Then there was also a computer simulation to test our technical skill. I ended up liking the game, though unfortunately it was a customized game for my employer and could no longer be played after the training is finished. I ended searching for similar games online to no avail. Despite the training ending on a good note, I still felt anxious about getting staffed on a project. Fortunately, a few hours after, I heard back from HR that my staffing on a project was confirmed. The punch line? It was a project I wanted to get into!

There's another punch line. The project was really intense. For the past two weeks, I've consistently gone home from office above 9pm. In fact, for a few days I went home from office at 1am, worked again at home until 3am, only to wake up the next day at 7am. Last weekend, I also worked on both Saturday and Sunday until late night. Sometimes, after reaching home, I thought about my family and my dog -- which made me sad. But I was also reminded of the many times I've encountered crises and emerged stronger, like when I almost failed my research assistantship when I first learned how to code. I also knew that Chainsaw Man's creator, MAPPA, has employees who are famously overworked. The result of their work ended up touching a lot of hearts. Needless to say, overworking employees is not something I tolerate. However, I do believe that finding meaning can make things more bearable. I have to strive to find meaning in my new work, otherwise it will become mere drudgery.

I also have been skipping workout for the past two weeks. I finished my subscription to gym trainer, which due to my job became quite impractical. Though the personal trainer was knowledgeable about weightlifting, it would be hard to sync both of our schedules for workout. It's hard enough to carve time out for a workout in my schedule! I also found it difficult to carve out time for my personal projects. I fear that I'd get so absorbed in my new job that I forgot about my long-term goal. I wanted to keep my options open, either to enroll in a PhD program in the US or inch even closer to the industry I am targetting. On the other hand, I managed to find a good way to control calories for losing weight: skipping high-carb items. For about a week or two, I've been skipping rice and other high-carb items. By doing so, I managed to cut my daily calorie intake while keeping protein intake high.

In any case, I'm now home. Thank God it's Friday! This phrase has never felt more genuine to me. Because of a recent feedback from the team, my supervisor has lessened our workload a little bit today. So I managed to go home at 7pm and worked for a mere 11 hours today. In contrast, last week I departed from office at above 9pm. On my way home, I accidentally drove past my old office building and the shopping mall next to it. It was a heart-wrenching feeling. Why did the grass look greener on the other side? Now I appreciate my old job a little more than I used to. For a few times this week, I deliberately went to the top floor of the parking lot in my apartment just to see my old office building. Today, I also drove past my old office building even though it added 20 minutes to my journey home. I also found out that one carpeted part of the office has similar smell to the dormitory I lived in during my undergraduate years. It's funny to say it, but it made me happy just to smell the aroma of freshly-vacuumed carpet at the office. It brought me back to years ago when I seemed to feel happy.

Due to ongoing construction at home, I've moved from room to room for sleeping. But now I'm back in my own room. There were still times when I thought I would be sleeping in one of the other rooms (which I've adapted into). But it's OK, I will adapt back to my own room. The thing is, because of my job I now only sleep for 2 nights a week in my parents' house. I wish I have more time to spend with my family and my dog.

Best regards,

Bright (and Exhausted) Penguin

I am grateful for: (1) Fauness's Dragonfly and Mystery, Bad Sounds' Sympathethic Vibrations, LIONE's Kids and Adore, Yumi Zouma's KPR, and Gilligan Moss' UknoIknoUkno; (2) delicious almond milk at the office, and; (3) Friday!

Dear Diary,

This weekend has been really wholesome. On Saturday (yesterday), I woke up at half-past ten, paying back the sleep debt accumulated during my work days. I still felt quite tired though. Because I did not have enough energy to do anything, I spent my morning laying down on my bed and listening to music. For some reason, though I intended to listen to some electronic music, I drifted to listening BMTH's songs. I used to listen to those songs when coding during my last job. Time passes quickly when you enjoy it and, all of a sudden, it was lunchtime. We had fish porridge, which is a new recipe my mother experimented with. It came out really delicious.

As usual, my mother, my sister, and I went to a shopping mall afterwards. Though trips to shopping mall are events that have occurred very often in my life, it felt different yesterday. I remember last weekend, when I had to work Saturday and Sunday so that a client presentation on Tuesday would go smoothly. This weekend, my supervisor and colleagues did not assign me any new work. So I was able to take a much-needed breath from work. I slept during the car ride and, soon, we arrived at a beauty clinic where my sister wanted to have a treatment. We dropped her there, then my mother and I went to a nearby shopping mall. We sat at a French cafe and ordered a cheese pizza. Over early-evening meal, my mother and I talked extensively. The cold air of the shopping mall and the people walking around made me feel joyful. It's been some time since I was able to see something other than my work laptop. My sister arrived and we paid for our orders. My mother and my sister then shopped for clothes while I sat in the shoes section, reading articles online. Because we were all full, we ended up going home early and had dinner at home. My father joined us for dinner, which made things even more wholesome. I had the time to watch anime that night before going to sleep.

Sunday came. I was already feeling paranoid about potential weekend work that my supervisor and colleagues might assign to me, but luckily it did not happen. With my energy fully recovered, I spent this morning doing what I used to do a lot of but had very little time for these days: reading on the balcony of my parents' house. I read A Little Life until lunchtime. Lunch was great. We had tempeh, tofu, and salad with peanut sauce. After a post-lunch nap and luggage-packing, I drove back to my apartment. I arrived at around 5:30pm and had not yet have dinner. So I decided to hail a taxi and went to a shopping mall next to my old office building -- a place I used to visit a lot before I resigned from my last job.

I spent some time walking around each floor, absorbing as many details as I could -- knowing that the more details I absorbed, the more of them I can summon whenever I want to feel nostalgic. Then I had dinner at my favorite ramen shop, from which I used to buy Friday night dinner for my parents. The restaurant was quiet and there weren't many people there. I tried to prolong my dinner by sipping my ocha slowly, but dinner time still had to end. Then I went to Starbucks on the ground floor and ordered a matcha latte. The layout of the cafe changed a bit. I know this because my favorite seat had been moved near the window. I sipped matcha while reading A Little Life until around 8pm. Then, feeling nostalgic and sad, I walked around the mall again. I was hesitant to leave, so I entered a grocery shop there which sells sushi I used to eat during lunch break and crackers I used to buy for my mother. Upon entering, I realized I had nothing to purchase. So I circled the store, walked every aisle, looking at every items that, in some seemingly-distant past, I used to purchase regularly. I did not feel satisfied, but I knew I had to go eventually. So I returned the empty grocery basket to the security personnel and left the store. I ordered a taxi to return to apartment and waited at the lobby. From the lobby, I could see my apartment building though the details weren't visible. I tried to view the parking lot from which I often looked back, but I couldn't pinpoint where it is exactly among the 30-something floors of the building. I realized that the pain I felt when leaving the shopping mall is because I fear today would be my last time visiting this shopping mall. There's no good reason for me to visit the ramen shop or Starbucks in this particular location. If it wasn't for indulging myself with nostalgia, there's no reason for me to keep visiting this particular ramen shop or Starbucks. Lost in thought, I was interrupted by a taxi arriving in front of me. During the taxi ride, I looked outside the window and the light of the city twinkled back at me.

I learned that happiness can be obtained by appreciating the simple things in your life. The past two days have taught me that. I felt so overwhelmed with joy (because I could experience it) and sadness (because I could not freeze time and remain in this moment). Funnily, it was not an expensive trip to the Bahamas or a luxurious dinner at 3-Michelin star restaurant. It was a cup of ocha sipped with gratitude. It was a few slices of cheese pizza over conversation with my mother. These things made me happy.

Best regards,

Bright (and Nostalgic) Penguin

I am grateful for: (1) my family and my dog; (2) time to introspect this weekend, which is so rare these days, and; (3) an opportunity to experience the Japanese concept "mono no aware" today.

Dear Diary,

I'm going to apologize beforehand for what follows. This will likely be one of the longest and the most disorganized entries in this entire thread. I've been writing diary entry every day, but did not have the time to collect them into one writing. So I spent one hour or so few days ago and today to combine one-month's worth of diary entries into one readable, publishable diary entry. Though the result won't be ideal, I hope it is good enough to remind me of what happened for the past one month.

If I have to describe my work life for the past one month using as few words as possible, it would be these: wake up, taxi ride the my office or client office, intense work, hurried meal throughout the day, another intense work, another taxi ride to apartment, and sleep. There has been lots of up and down for the past one month. Work has been really tough, but I've been grateful for the occasional opportunities to have dinner by myself at my apartment or at the shopping mall near client's office. I cherished these little moments of letting my mind wander while eating. I've also learned to zoom out from my problems and see my life from a 50 thousand feet. Whenever I was frustrated by my job, I stood on the balcony of my office at the 40th floor and observed people below: cars driving by, people walking around, families sitting in a cafe. Each of those people have problems of their own and my problems aren't special. In the grand scheme of things, my life will fade as well and the only thing I can do for now is to enjoy it whole -- both the good and the bad stuff. However, what I can't tolerate is the fact that a lot of this pain is self-inflicted by my supervisor, who is in my opinion quite incapable of planning. He kept reassigning people to different tracks of the project and kept changing priorities, which created a lot of stress in the team. One of my teammates actually exited the project due to the excessive pressure. On the other hand, there have been a few office events which made me feel more comfortable in my new workplace as well. They made me thought of the first few moments I met the people I now call my close friends. Looking back, there were awkward moments in the beginning too, which just didn't enter my nostalgia. I need to give people the time and chance to enter my personal space for the sake of my own well-being. Aside from that, I also got closer to one of my colleagues on the same time. We share a sense of dislike towards our boss. Despite his calm exterior, he told me that he also felt under pressure and was feeling terrible quite often. In any case, due to our frequent conversation at the food court at a shopping mall near the client's office, I've gained a liking to the shopping mall. Our project will be finished in two weeks and I think I'm going to miss having dinner in that shopping mall. Additionally, I also picked up VBA during this project and created simulation in Excel for the client, which I know I'm going to be proud about in the future.

With that said, I've tried my best to reserve weekend for quality family time. Frequently though, my work bleeds over to the weekend and national holidays. I tried my best to not be irritated by my supervisor's incompetence, which caused this intrusion of work to my personal life. It is his incompetence but I have to somehow make up for it. Also, my house has been undergoing massive renovation for the past few months. Every time I returned home, something new was going on there. But, for the past few weeks, I've been sleeping in proper rooms. Sometimes my sister's room, most of the time my own room. Then next week I would return there to see that the floor or the wall color has changed. This triggers mono no aware for me. One time, I even took a picture of my sister's room floor. It is a yellowish floor and will soon be replaced with a whitish floor. I kind of felt sad that the floor that I've stepped on will soon be replaced. That floor will go on with its own journey and I will never step on that floor again. In any case, Fridays have always been great for me. I'm always looking forward to the end of day (8-9pm, if not later) when I could return to apartment, pack my luggage and drive home. At home, my mother always waits for me and my dog always sleeps under my bed. Upon seeing me, my dog would wake up and play with me. As I play with my dog, I would also talk briefly with my mother. This is such a restorative moment. Then typically, on Saturday, I would take my parents and my sister to dinner and pay for the meal. Just like today, my mother and my sister joined me for dinner at a sushi place near the client's office. It's unfortunate that my father did not want to join, for reasons still unknown to me.

As a side note, earlier this month, I felt sad that Netflix took out Rascal Does Not Dream of a Bunny Girl Senpai, which I quite enjoyed last year. On the last day of its being on Netflix, I rewatched the first episode and waited until past midnight. I kept refreshing the page and, before midnight, the episode can still be played. I was sad to see that, after midnight, the episode can no longer be played and Netflix asked me to put the series on a reminder list instead. Whenever something like this happened, something clicked in my brain. It was as if an epoch was over and a new one was just beginning. I was naturally happy to hear that Spy x Family season 2 was just released into Netflix, which I'm going to watch now.

Due to intense workload, I've also been struggling to keep up my fitness habits. It's true that I've been sneaking workout in the morning these days. Most of the time, I failed to wake up on time -- but on the few times that I managed to do that, I never regretted waking up early. In my apartment gym, there was usually this other girl who was also working out at the same time as I do. As the time reached 7am, more and more people came in but the gym did not become crowded. I really liked watching people being absorbed in their workout. Against the bright morning sky, I felt a sense of camaraderie with them. Even though our workouts are different, we were starting our days the same way. One time, on a national holiday, my boss wanted us all to work. Fortunately, we all worked from home and I managed to sneak out to go to the gym. Keep in mind that I sneaked out in the middle of the day, just a few hours after lunch. This gym has more equipment than my apartment gym and, as a consequence, was also more crowded. That day was quite crowded, but I really like watching the people there. I saw a few couples and a group of friends working out together and my heart felt warm. It's funny how going to the gym has become such a relaxing time for me. I've also been rewarding myself with spontaneity recently. Due to stress at work, there were a few days when I rewarded myself by going to a nice dinner place without planning (just as recommended by FBI Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks). Mind you, they were nice not because they are expensive, but because of the homey feeling to it. One time after a long hard day at work, I went to a pizzeria where my mother and I used to eat after surveying apartments. I ate my dinner while people-watching. There was a family eating together and a few couples also. What a treat. Eating cheese pizza while getting heart-warming sight to behold. At another time, I went to an Indian restaurant next to my own office which sold a dish that I really like but is rare in my city, momo.

That's all for  now. I've been thinking that perhaps I should publish daily here. My workload has prevented me from publishing my diary entries regularly. Perhaps spending a little time every day is less burdensome than having to compile diary entries from the past 30 days and editing it to improve its readability. Bye bye. I'm off to watch Spy x Family Season 2.

Best regards,

Bright (and Workaholic) Penguin

I am grateful for: (a) my apartment balcony which made me feel like Aki Hayakawa whenever I sat there at night, (b) a chance to talk to an old friend who is pursuing PhD in Pittsburgh, (c) a relaxed time last Sunday eating fried banana while watching Masha and the Bear with both my parents, (d) great music of Spiritbox's Eternal Blue and Foxes's The Kick, and (e) new shoes, dress shirts, and dress pants I bought during the last one month.

Dear Diary,

Monday through Friday was really exhausting. Monday was actually quite fine. I woke up too late for my workout, so I skipped it entirely. Against the plan agreed upon, my supervisor actually requested us to go to the client's office abruptly. Needless to say, we didn't have a team room booked there. After lunch they all went back and I stayed behind to do a few tasks in a nearby coffee shop. I actually felt giddy of my own productivity since I submitted two deliverables in less than an hour in that coffee shop. Not to mention the delicious caffe mocha accompanying my work. I spent the rest of the day giving final touches to my scripts, before final handover to client. This ended up being a waste of time and effort on my part, for a reason I will tell you soon.

Good thing I started Tuesday with a proper workout, the only one I had this week. I learned that I need to make it easy to start the workout to make sure I don't skip it. I mixed my protein powder the night before and was thinking of keeping the blinds open so the sunshine can enter and wake me up. Then I went to the office and had a stand-up meeting with my supervisor. Apparently, during a late-night call with another senior management yesterday, my supervisor learned that we're not allowed to give my script to the client. I'm still proud of what I did, since I picked up a new programming language in a few days and managed to write a sophisticated program. In addition to that I received a seemingly-urgent task, which I submitted within 15 minutes. The moment I submitted, the urgency seemed to evaporate since my supervisor submitted it to the client a full 8 hours after I sent it to him. I need to remember that my supervisor likes to manufacture urgency. In the evening, I received yet another urgent task.

This task ended up taking the next three days. In fact, on Wednesday, I stayed at the office until 2am to work on this task. I brought home the leftover cakes from dinner and slept for four hours before returning to the client office the next day -- as instructed by my supervisor, under the pretext that I was going to join an important client meeting. Upon arriving at the client office, my supervisor told me I shouldn't join the meeting. My supervisor also ended up changing the scope of the work and requested another material to be delivered for Friday. It was another long day at the office.

Though Friday was also a tough day, I had plenty to be grateful about. Let's not talk about my work on Friday, which was just another day of disorganization and chaos caused by my supervisor. I'd skip forward to 6pm where my supervisor finally allowed me to go home. In the spirit of allowing serendipity, I went to a shopping mall next to my old office rather than going directly to my apartment. I sat at a cafe and ate peanut butter sandwich while people-watching. Then while sipping Thai tea, I continued working on the task I expect to be given for next week. I felt good that I can spend some quiet time in a cafe that has a special place in my heart. Before resigning from my previous job, I used to spend countless hours here. With heavy heart but also excitement, I returned to my apartment, packed my things and drove home.

Sadly, I damaged my car during my drive home. There was a narrow road I had to go through and I didn't give enough space to the right of my car. As a result, the stone wall almost pressed into the right of my car. As a panicked response, I tried to back out of the road but moved my steering wheel at the wrong direction. This made the stone wall pressed even further into the right of my car and hit my side mirror. I arrived home having mixed feeling of anger (for not being able to drive properly) and sadness (for damaging the car my parents gave to me). I felt like crying. I then talked to my mother who consoled me. Writing this entry has also helped me process this feeling, but I think I need to watch an anime to alleviate my pent-up emotions even more.

As for today (Saturday), I've had a good respite from work. I only opened my laptop twice and I only sent a few emails which took a few minutes in total. I hope tomorrow will be like today as well. My sister and her boyfriend went out today, so I've been spending lots of time with my father and my mother at home today. I woke up late, which is reasonable given how exhausted I was this past week. After breakfast, I tried to sleep again but ended up listening to music instead. After lunch I took a long nap and woke up at 5pm. At that time I began sending emails for work. There are some minor things I have to do on Monday. But aside from that, I worry that my supervisor did not put proper attention to what matters the most. I've also sent him an outline for the final delivery to be delivered next Friday, to which he did not respond. I hope that won't carry over to the next week, which is supposedly a one-week off for me. Enough with that. I then had dinner and managed to shower before 8pm. It's not yet 9pm and I'm already writing diary to you. This reminds me of the peaceful time I had before entering my new job. Though I know the old days presented their unique hardship, I can't help but see them with rose-tinted glasses.

I'm going to watch anime or YouTube now. Thanks for listening, dear diary.

Best regards,

Bright (and Exhausted) Penguin

I am grateful for: (a) relatively quiet day today, which I can spend for quality time with my parents, (b) Man Cub - Real Me, which has been playing on repeat, and (c) the fact that next week is supposedly the end of the project, I hope it won't get extended.

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