Diary of SecretSouth

Friday, 2nd October, 2020

Lockdown for covid has come to an end. But its just lockdown which has ended... The world still struggling with covid, there is still misery in this planet, pollution, diseases, my health, my exams, my psoriasis.. Nothing has changed.. It seems like im in an endless cycle of sadness, worries, lies, expectations, mental illness, desires.

I love helping, supporting and being kind to everyone. That's why these posts are just to myself for myself by myself.

It's all a lot to go through. I wanted to talk to a listener but all ghost chats. Im in a position where I'd love to talk to a ghost too. I just want someone to listen. I wish i had a friend to talk to. I want to tell everyone that whoever has a friend who genuinely is a friend.. Is the luckiest person on earth. Once i read this quote..

"If you want to have a friend, be one."

But being someone's friend and having a friend are two different things for me in my experience. Everyone is ready to take, receive and accept. Very few are willing to give, send and let go. Perhaps, i have met very few people who are so willing to be friends with me.

What's bothering me the most right now?

My studies.. I just hope that i complete everything on time.. Sending best wishes to myself.. Keep doing your best.. I know you're struggling but believe in your possibilities..

Saturday, 3rd October, 2020

A rainy day. I love rainy days..today its raining since morning. I was studying and my student came for tuition. I love teaching kids too.

One more day passing without the love of my life. Today i finally realized that i have moved on. I do love him but the break up doesn't hurt anymore. Sent him a last message and deleted all modes of contact. I am feeling better today. But i still feel guilty sometimes.. Guilty of my actions.. My insecurities.. My harsh words which resulted into break up.. I wish he finds someone who loves him a lot..

Its so good to have someone who loves us and is glad to have us in their lives..!

Thought of the day:

A new day

11 october, Sunday, 2020

I woke up late this morning. I have some guilt left in me. It's not about my past relationships.. It's about not giving my 100 percent in my works. I am just keeping myself distracted and not trying to face the challenges. I am feeling very weak. That's why i have decided to take one step at a time and i will face all the problems one by one. I won't procrastinate today.

I will again update this thread when i complete my pending works!!