Bubbles Bubble 😇

Heya Bubblers. Just another piece of tangled words, along with a trigger warning for discrimination and eating disorders. Please only read this if you can handle those topics right now.
There you goooo:

Stares

They keep their head low, their shoulders bent
as they walk their way home on the frozen pavement
and they can’t shake the feeling that all those stares
are following them, like icy, judgmental eyes
and the hope, the courage, the strength,
which they usually grab onto tightly, which always lays
safely in their hands
is dropped on the ground, shattered, as everyone glares
into their direction, as if they were a criminal
the way home seems longer, as if the length
would have something to do with the looks that had been sent
into their direction, each and every day, by all
these people who can not understand what it feels
like to be small, little
they have no idea that there is more to it than just skipping meals
that on the inside, they are so brittle
that one comment is enough for them to crash and break
so why, for gods, or anyones sake
do you make their life so difficult

can’t you see, that the way you look at them is clearly an insult?
do you want to make them feel worthless?
because you’ve achieved that goal
and the small pieces that are left of their soul
turn hopeless, black, I hope you can see what a mess
you made of them, because maybe they can take it, one last time,
but not everyone can, so please
stop judging when you know nothing about them
they’re already feeling way too numb
leave them the little hope they have, I’m not asking for much, just that tiny piece

Hey, you’ve made it to the end. I just wish you don’t relate, because I don’t want anyone to feel this way. Sending you *hugssss* ❤️

Achilles Heel

You were hiding befoe you did it. Because you knew it was wrong

But you did it anyway, you came out, laughed behind the back of your hand

And then punched where it hurt me the most and maybe it made you feel like you belong

Because you didn't even have the guts to do it alone

I think I much rather prefer a broken bone

Than this, because I seriously just can't

Cope with this, and you didn't know, because I hid

Behind my pokerface because god forbid

You knew that you found my weak spot, my achilles heel

I doubt you meant to hurt me, I doubt that you did think

Because I remember you telling me, that sometimes you feel

Like you just have to do something that's considered 'bad'

And you don't do it in order to make others feel sad

So at least I know, this time it's nothing personal, there is no link

Between your actions and what you think about me

At least now, in comparison to ten years ago, I can see

That you didn't know I even had that achilles heel

Because sometimes I am too good at making myself look as if I were made of steel

- Bubble 💭

💖 @EnbyBubble 💖

Heya everyone
I started this yesterday and wanted to complete it on a hopeful note today, but I guess that didn't completely work out. So there you go

TW: This post may include mentions of eating disorders, so if this topic is triggering for you, please do skip it.

Voices and Numbers

It’s just another night
Looking back to a daily fight

Against the voices “No, you can’t have any more
And no, it won’t ever be like before”
So they are taking pills to drop the weight
That seems to be too heavy
For their frail body
Too much for their muscles and bones
To hold, but maybe it’s too late
Maybe it’s a fight that can’t be won
They are thinking back to a time
When they didn’t worry about eating scones
A time, when they didn’t have to run
Once the numbers got too high
But now even a drop of a lime
In their tea, seems like something they’re unworthy
To consume, so again they end up
In the bathroom, their throat now dry
And everything’s empty, even the cup
That usually holds their energy

It’s just another morning
Trying to get ready for the day
Just wishing so badly, this one will be okay
They are hoping for just one, without any counting
A day without math, a day without shouting
Voices inside their head
“Leave, Ana, Mia, I just want a peaceful day in bed”
But why should they listen, when they never have
Why would they even try, when there isn’t a chance
Maybe they try to win an endless fight
Perhaps it’s their way, to be brave
But it’s nothing more than an endless dance
One where the lights went out, so they can’t leave, as the door
Is always out of sight
So Ana and Mia had a point, it won’t ever be like before

- Bubble 💭

Heya Bubblers
I guess my last poems and poetry slams always had the same vibe, I'm kinda sorry for that, but it's how I cope, and this time my recovery seems to take longer than usual. I'm not sure if in this case this might even be a good thing, because just maybe I won't jump from one problem to the next or exchange one unhealthy coping mechanism with another, but actually get out of it, but I certainly hope so.

The following poem is not really a representation of me, but one of my feelings and past experiences.

Anyway, once again a huge TW on eating disorders. If you are not okay with this topic right now, please do not read any further

'I feel like a butterfly',
they say and take a step back from the mirror,
'A light-weight', their body is getting thinner
they notice the changes,
people around them do too,
but they clip their wings, try not to

let them soar high

'My face is smaller' they think,
happily, while everyone stares at the shadows
below their eyes, deep in their holes
'My legs are losing fat', they notice and
everyone sees how weak
they got, and deep
down they know that too 'I can't

stop' they realize, in a blink

'I feel like a butterfly'
they repeat, try and hold on to the joy
that anorexia brings
but no matter how many colours they use,
to paint the picture perfectly,
they know now, that they abused
their own body

'I feel like a butterfly, with broken wings'

03/27/2023

Uncertainty about the future can feel troubling
I can't even count how many times I've been struggling
With exactly that situation.

But the certainty on the other hand, that I can be sure it will turn out wrong
No matter what I change or do, or if my approach on it is strong
Beats the feeling 100 times, and won't need an explanation.

- Bubble 💭