Bird's Nest

@BirdKing449 Yay for creating a safe space for yourself! <3

This is just a vent. There is no need to respond to this.

Life is hard. It's even harder when we don't have people on cups who support us. Its the hardest when we have mods on cups who don't support us. Comm Mods at that. It's not fair that many of us get told off for expressing ourselves without breaking rules, but still get warned or messages deleted for no reason. Its not fair that Comm mods have an obvious grudge against certain members. It makes it so much worse for members who need/want support, but can't get it because people have prefrences and ignore the ones who also are in need. I'd understand if it was a busy room. But when you respond to everyone (whether thats 2 people, or 200) except that one member who also wants support, because you "dislike" them? That is where I draw the line. You are a Community Moderator. Your job is to make everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, feel welcomed and supported here, whether you don't like them or not. Adults and other mods have told us "Go to forms" or "PM and admin, this isn't okay". It has done, NOTHING. We have PM'd admins. We have PMd Mods. We have emailed them, sumbitted forums, everything. Nothing is working. There are few moderators here, that are completely unbiased. Those of us who DEFEND ourselves against people who call us "Fat" or "Stupid" or that taunt us, or bait us? We get warned way more then those who are the actual problem. I see it so often where a certain member comes on, and is completely ignored by a person until that member says "Ok, guess I will leave". Then suddenly they are being told to stay, and told that no one was ignoring them, when they WERE being ignored. It's not fair.

TW's for this post: ED, Maybe SH?

Recently I've been struggling recently with eating. It's hard for me to eat certain foods or swallow foods after eating a certain amount. I don't know why. Its really annoying because I feel sick in my stomache, but then I go to eat and just can't. I haven't told anyone yet, but as I'm typing this, I'm looking into one of the new meds I've been taking. I'm seeing these are both side effects of this med. Whats even worse is that I just got weaned onto this med and off of another one because of increased prolactin levels. I'm really hoping its not this new med, and that it passes soon. I don't know what I will do if I have difficuties with this one as well.

I'm a reporter for my FFA chapter, and for it, I have to make a scrapbook. It was due today, and I finally finished it, but I keep getting pressured and yelled at by my teacher. I almost started crying in class today because of the way she spoke to me. It really hurts, and I'm trying my best. Its hard being ssigned so much stuff even just in that class, and still being told that I'm taking too long, and I should be focusing on the book. Its been so stressful recently because of it. Thats all I've done is work on the stupid book. Thankfully its over now.

I'm just really really stressed out. I don't want to d!e. I just don't want to exsist. But I can't tell people that because then they think that means I want to alivnt myself. But I don't!! I just want to not hurt...

I'm really overwhelmed. I was trying to talk to a friend to help them schedule classes, except my family kept knocking on the door and calling me to talk to them and i had to keep explaining to my friend that i would be right back. Then my mother went into this huge f***ing rant about how shes starting a new job and she needs us to step it up. My older sister has done nothing but mock me all day. My dad had done nothing then poke fun all day. I'm f***ing over it. So I flipped out and yelled at my older sister after she laughed at me at one point, and my mom goes "Well clearly your being too sensitive today, so what im trying to say is you need to get it the f*** together" then dismissed us. Im so over it. I want out of this stupid a** house. Im going to be a senior next year and shes belittling me for my grades and is yelling at me for stupid s*** like not cleaning my room right away and not sweeping. Im sorry its hard for me to clean my room, and im sorry that i struggle with mental illnesses. Im sorry im trans and i want to go to a college visit on my own, and i'm sorry that you want to come and wont mind your own business. But jesus f*** if I'm clearly crying and struggling, leave me the f*** alone!! I don't need you. I can get my own f***ing job and live else where. I have friend who will take me in and their guardian wont have a care in the world. F*** you.

Saturday i had a complete mental breakdown. It was nonstop crying for hours. I've just been a ball of anger, anxiety, and sadness lately. My mom has noticed. I can barely get out of bed. I was late for school today because I could't get up, despite being so tired yesterday that I took a nap from 1pm to 5pm. I'm just not myself. My mom wants to try and have a schedule for me to see if that helps, but if not i have a meds doctor appointment on the 16th. I had switched meds due to side effects of the other one, but if this one isnt helping, then side effects or not, I want back on my old ones

I feel bad because ive been really aggressive and emotional around people, including here on cups. I think i pushed two of my best friends away on here. Im sorry to those i keep hurting. im sorry im being like this. i really want to get better. Hopefully I do soon.

Hello, Borb! Just stopping by to drop off some ✨huggly wiggly woggly wuggles✨

I hope you have a wonderful weekend 😊❤️

I was in Spanish class today, and was told I was wrong for using my prefered pronouns in my writing.

She was making us create a sentence using Ser (soy, eres, etc) and I said "Yo soy bajo y delgado" which means "I am short and thin" but the "o" at the end of bajo and delgado means its the masculine version. She told me that I was saying it wrong, and asked a different "female" to say what she wrote, and that person had used an a for the feminine version. She asked me if I understood what she was saying and I said I did. She asked me to repeat my sentence correctly and so I said it how I said it before. She proceeded to do this a few more times with different students. She finally said "I don't think you understand what I am asking" to which I told her "I do understand. However I use an O and not an A" She got angry and said "Ah I see. My fault then" and told us we would finish the packet tomorrow (it was the end of class)

I hope things get better for you, at some point.

@BirdKing449

I've had a crush on this person all year. They said they liked me too. We even kissed. My first kiss. They told me they liked too many people right now, and I understood, and told them to take their time. Then when I found out that their parents were going to let them date when they turned 15, I told them I would be asking them out that day.

Instead they turn around and are dating someone, but I didn't find that out until after they broke up with them (like two or three weeks ago). I was fine with that. It was whatever. But then I find out they are dating someone new, someone who is a terrible influence on them, after I've been flirting with them the whole time. A person who me and my sister told, that if they got back with, we would drop their ***, so despite me flirting with them while they were dating someone, they still have the audacity to continue to do so and act like nothing is wrong. so now i have blocked their number, blocked them on socials, and will be dropping them when they get back to school from suspension. (The guy that they are with again, is someone who got them suspended last time, and this time).

I don't wanna be flirting with someone without knowing that the person they are dating is okay with it. Because, if they were doing that while dating me I would probably cry. I'm over it. I'm done. That is not fair to me. We've literally been flirting for months. Not to mention, they didn't invite my sister to their birthday party yesterday, but invited the rest of the friend group.

This is the third time this situation has happened. The first two people it happened with I'm still friends with. They had issues with mental health despite liking each other, I didn't date either of them, because they wanted to get better mentally, but then they both turned around and started dating someone. One of them, I dropped for a few weeks, but we made up, and the other, I don't blame at all, because we talked about liking each other last year, and they are just now dating someone, but still would have been nice to know.

I dont care anymore.

-bird