A LETTER TO THE OTHER SIDE

Dear Mary,

I don't miss you, but I probably think about you more than I realize.
Together with my therapist I am on a journey to face my fears.
Your sudden death and a question I have been asking myself over and over again seems to be part of the fear I have to deal with.

Mary, are you ok?

It seems like yesterday, you and me, we just finished school, ready to start life... but you died. Just like that!

I still remember the happy excitement of receiving a letter and the confusion I felt when finding a death announcement in the mailbox. And opening it, I saw your name! Mary!!!!

Are you ok?

You were hit by a truck, fell on your head from your bike and that was it.
I cried a lot and was sad.
I said goodbye to you and continued with life.

Now I am a grown up and you are still a child, impossible! I never understood how you could die, a child, my friend!

Mary where are you? Are you save?

But more importantly, and I realized this today while talking with the therapist... You never told me that you are ok, you never let me know all is well on the "other side".
Are you happy there? Isn't it cold and lonely? Are you bored for all eternity?

Do you see what my fear is? The one thing that is my fear....

What if it is horrible to be death?!


I was a child when I lost you to the unknown and I expected you or any grown up around me would tell me that it is ok to be dead. That I do not need to worry about you, that you are fine and happy.

I'm a little bit angry now (for the first time) that you didn't let me know that it is ok to be dead.
It feels good to be a bid angry and a relief to understand what I am afraid of.

strangely, while writing this I still expect somehow to get an answer from you. I do not know if that will happen but I will keep my eyes and ears open. Maybe I have to face the fact that you cannot give me an answer.
Or maybe you already answered long ago, with your faith in God and heaven. In that case I hope your faith is strong enough for two, so you will save me a place in heaven next to you.

Mary tell me, are you ok?

I hope you rest in peace.

Anna