Perseverance: When to give up
Perseverance has always been an interesting quality that many people praise others for having. It is defined as the ability to continue pushing forward towards your goal even when progress is slow or when obstacles are thrown in your way. It can lead to great accomplishments, like earning a degree or overcoming a personal struggle. However, perseverance towards a harmful goal can become destructive, hurting yourself and others along the way.
I see this play out most often with my mom. I have to admit that I do not have the perseverance that she does but I see often how it becomes destructive. For example, it was her perseverance that allowed her to earn her degree despite multiple setbacks and examination failures along the way but she did not give up until she earned her degree. However, this same characteristic also causes her to sacrifice her own mental health and well-being to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. She just can't let things go until her goal has been reached.
Seeing this growing up, I learned that despite being told that I need to persevere, there should be a limit, a time to give up. I was involved with someone who kept stringing me along, and despite knowing it wasn’t healthy, I couldn’t let go. I kept pushing, trying to show how caring I was and hoping he’d see what he was missing. I also pressured him to give me a clear answer on whether he wanted to be with me or not. In the end, this persistence only caused me to develop mental health issues, leaving me miserable. Looking back, I realize I should have walked away much earlier.
In my opinion, perseverance can be an amazing quality. However, when trying to reach that goal, your own health starts to decline and it's starting to take over your entire life, it might be time to give up.
What signs might indicate that it’s time to stop pushing for something and let go?
@Meloverse Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences with us. 💓
I’m so sorry that the same characteristic of perseverance caused your mom to sacrifice her own mental health and wellbeing to someone who didn’t want help. I can only imagine the effects it had on you. I’m glad that you recognized that there should be a limit and although it took some time, you did eventually walked away. That’s an amazing step and congratulations on recognizing when to walk away and take care of yourself.
I’ve found that too much of anything can be bad for our wellbeing. An example being working excessively. Pushing yourself to keep working can cause burnout, also damaging your mental, social and physical health as well.
Some signs that might indicate that it’s time to stop pushing so hard are sleep deprivation, feeling a sense of hopelessness, being less productive, and feeling fatigued. I’ve found that when this happens, it’s definitely time to assess your situation, make a plan and be accountable based on this plan. Also, I'm an advocate for self-care. It’s important to take a break, giving your body and mind the much needed care and attention it needs. Again, thank you for your post and prompt.
@GentleHealingInitiative
I loved your point on self-care. I have also adopted that into my life as a way to help me continue to persevere towards my goals.
Goals like getting your degree and getting a high GPA does take a lot of perseverance especially when there's a course you don't understand or an assignment you got a bad grade in. You could spend all your time studying and working on the assignments and get higher grades but it may lead to extreme burnout. Whenever I start to feel this way, I decided that taking a break and practicing some self-care really helps me continue towards my goal. By just keep pushing further, it won't lead to any better outcomes because I'm just so tired.
@Meloverse Thank you for sharing your experiences and being so vulnerable. I truly appreciate and value your post because I feel like it's a topic that people don't consider, and it's certainly worthwhile to discuss. 😊
@Meloverse This is so self aware and wonderful. Maybe yes, seeing some things earlier to identify it would have helped, but always better late than never.
I think the best tie to let go shouldn't be considered 'giving up.' That indicates a failure, or lack that can have negative connotations and why some consider it hard to do or refuse to. I think it's better to reframe some things as
"Seeing it for what it is." or "accepting the reality of what is presented." Like your mother, sometimes we can learn from failures, how she got her degree, pushing forward. But without basing moves on reality and the truth and facts of a situations, then I believe that is where things go into cognitive dissonance or being illussioned to reality with a hope that has not taken root properly. That can be harmful.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It's given me time to reflect on my own as well.
@Meloverse
I think is such an important post, having perseverance of course has its positive aspects and qualities and can benefit people hugely. However its equally as important to acknowledge the limitations of this. You can always take a "good" attribute too far and it can become a detriment in another regard. A very important point
@Meloverse
Some signs could be burnout, feeling overwhelmed and lost or confused. We should strive to persevere but as you’ve said, when it takes a toll on our well-being, then it may be time to call it quits, or to at least take a break and focus on our health.
@Meloverse
i agree . Perseverance is a very important quality to achieve success but like anything else we need to set boundaries with it too . I was a very enthusiast martial art player and defied many oddships and participated in many national level championships and always strived for more, but at certain time some factors get beyond control esp related to health and its a good idea to take these signs seriously and made necessary changes in ones goals or paths if needed .
