Accountability Challenge: Jacqueline's Photo Journal

Wednesday, October 05, 2022
My godkids watching Annabelle. While I hate horror movies, there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. If that means I have to suffer two hours of horror and hiding under my blanket while they laugh at me every time I scream, then so be it. These kids will never know the amount of times they've saved me from the edge.

Thursday, October 06, 2022
The view of the ocean. I've always loved the ocean (though I prefer the view at night) and how everything about it calms me. Whenever I feel broken, I'll head to my little spot and just listen to the waves crash against the rocks. Today, I needed the ocean so I took a photo of my little spot.

Friday, October 07, 2022
And into the tunnel we go. Today was a little rougher than usual. Didn't know where I was going, I just drove and during my drive, I've realized life is gonna put mountains in my way. I won't be able to move the mountain but like the workers who built this tunnel, one day, I'll be able to go through the mountain and make it to where I gotta be. After that, going back and forth through the mountain isn't gonna be as hard as it was initially. Life is a little chaotic right now but eventually things will fall into place again.

Saturday, October 08, 2022 (Posted Late)
Pageant Queen Twice. I've been looking inwards lately and finding reasons to love myself and while sitting on my balcony listening to music, trying to soften the thoughts in my head, Beyonce's Pretty Hurts comes on. She sings, "Pretty hurts. We shine the light on whatever's worst. You're tryna fix something but you can't fix what you can't see. It's the soul that needs a surgery." If you've seen the music video, you know it was themed around the pageant circuit. When I looked towards my room, my crowns were there shining back at me. I have been a pageant queen twice and I'm looking on getting my third crown in the future. Queen B is right though, what's the point of being beautiful when your insides need reconstructing. I've always felt ugly, even so now, because of the things I've been going through. I run in pageants because it makes me happy not pretty. Yes, I do like standing on stage with the light on me and having the audience adore me, but it's more than that. I bring awareness to things I'm passionate about like importance on education, women's rights/issues, or criminal justice reform. During my last pageant, all the younger girls came up and took pictures with me. I never realized how much impact I have just wearing a crown and smiling. At one point, a girl told me I was beautiful and she wanted to grow up to be like me. I couldn't help but feel sad and think about how if she only knew the things I was going through. I politely told her thank you and asked her what her goals were. She answered with asking the same question. I told her I wanted to make a difference in the world. She said, you already do. Remembering this moment made me smile and for a brief moment I was happy.

What a great idea!