Feeling like I shouldn't be sleeping

I've never slept well due to childhood traumas, and I used to suffer from insomnia and horrible twitching of my limbs when I did try to sleep (my partners all complained about being kicked in bed on a regularly basis without me knowing what I was doing). I would wake up at the slightest noise. I was sometimes terrified of going to sleep, but I was never afraid of the dark. I would have weird dreams, and then occasionally, I'd have nightmares, reliving one particular traumatic experience.

Lately, though, I have been sleeping much better. Yet I keep expecting not to. I feel like I shouldn't be, because I've spent so many years not sleeping well. Does that make sense? There's also this looming thought in my mind that has been there for a while that I'm missing something, something from my past. And I keep thinking whatever it is will manifest itself in my sleep. But I rarely remember my dreams. It's so frustrating and I'm not sure how to move on from it.

TW