Victimhood, can we break the pattern?
Victimhood.
I’ve been a member of this site and enjoyed it for several years now. I’ve learned quite a bit. I do think I am better off now than when I first got here Christmas Day of 2019. That said, one of the problems I do have is we are all encouraged to be unconditionally supportive to all members of the site. There are indeed many people where who have been hurt or victims of situations or people.
There are also some who seem to just be self-absorbed and self-loathing individuals seeking attention and validation of their perceived victimhood. The trend of the mass media seems to be to convince all of us that we are victims of something. We should sue someone for compensation. We have no responsibility for our current situation because we are victims and helpless to improve our lives. I just have a problem with this blanket thought process. How many times have we heard a mass murderer has a bad childhood, so it is expected that they would kill or be horrible to others?
Seems like excuses for lack of coping skills or ability to learn from life experiences. How can we break the pattern or bad habits of people who are being self-defeating and helpless to help themselves? Some of us would really love to see these people live happy or at least have balanced lives, but telling them they are exactly right doesn’t seem like the correct method. (Do we tell anorexic people, “Yes.. I agree.. you are fat” ? )
Wish I could edit this to Can WE break the pattern @SleeplessVet
@SleeplessVet
!!! Hey!! thanks to whoever helped me out here and corrected my Type-o. I was a victim of my own mistake!! thanks!!
@SleeplessVet
👍🏼🙂
@SleeplessVet
I think in many cases this is spot on ... it is not only here on the site but often everywhere i see it where personal responsibility is no longer expected or the normal but who can be a bigger victim...
The only thing we can do is let them wallow in their victim hood or open up to see any change is up to them ...
Being a constant victim is in my view a serious case of self harm .... it holds people back from trying to move on...i have some people close to me that chose this victim hood and it has been a horrible life especially when those who supported this view are gone as they grew tired of playing along taht nothing was the persons fault.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks for responding. I had hoped I was not alone and was the odd one out. I really do care for these other people and would like to find a way to illuminate them to a different view of their lives.
Thanks gain ToughTiger.
I completely agree with your point, mass media has dragged self love to the point where now self love is selfishness. But when it comes to anorexia and I say this as a person who used to anorexic, it's important to just be empathetic to them? I mean yes they're fat, you can tell them that but I think it should come with the fact that it's okay to be fat and that what you look like doesn't determine your value... And honestly just because your perceived notion of mentally ill people is kinda messed up. You need to understand that being mentally ill comes with being a *** person sometimes and while that's not okay, I don't think we have a choice... So maybe stop villifying mentally ill people?
And by messed up I mean that you are actually interchanging the need for therapy with being mean to people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that only by being kind we can actually help mentally ill people. If you don't think someone can be helped, you can just cut them out or something, just don't be mean to them, that could make things worse
@XhoessadX
So, my point about anorexia was kind of a sarcastic angle. Most people suffering from eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia view themselves as fat or obese etc.. when they are likely skinny to the point of being unhealthy. I believe it should be criminal to reenforce the view of the person that they are fat or obese just to appease their mental illness point of view.
Also, I did not intent to vilify all mental illness people. I am here for a reason. I am fighting PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and self-destructive behaviors. I WANT to live a better life. I am working to achieve that. I WANT to encourage others to get better and not just wallow in the illness. It is not the place we need to be. Sorry if my post did not resonate with you but I do appreciate you responding and commenting. I try to grow from every interaction in life. Thank you.
@SleeplessVet
This is a great point! And while sometimes mental illness can bring us to that whole (“misery loves company”) line of thinking, I agree with what you’re saying here.
We can’t continue to stay in a negative mindset & pattern if we wish to improve ourselves overall. It’s not always an easy thing to do, but it’s a process, it takes time, and with time (& effort), we can get to where we need or want to be.
@SleeplessVet
i agree with your post. It seems even the slightest thing nowadays can be perceived as someone is a victim. And while yes technically they may be, growing stronger and more resilient by abandoning the victim mindset is a must.
Running to one’s rescue, defending and agreeing only perpetuating a victim status (mindset) that they can’t and that it’s essential to help themselves .
Personally I do find the rise of social media and attention sort online as a small factor in this also. It’s like you have some who create a whole image of how great they are and how great their life is as an image to draw attention. Flip side it happens utilising how bad life is or they are.
A lesson on here about the triangulation of hero, victim and bully, has a lot in common with this post. Was very informative. Surprised 7cups has it on their site alongside such allowing your post. I’m glad both have become part of 7cups
@LabeledBPD
thank you for your insights. I am actually kind of surprised as well. I really do want people here to find balance and happiness and maybe.. not wallow in self pity etc. I really appreciate your views. Thanks.
@LabeledBPD
I actually worried I might get banned for sharing such a view.
@Aayla
I appreciate your views on my post and I think we actually agree more than you think. I do recognize there are actually victims here of wrongdoing or horrible situations. Those people have valid reasons for the issues. I am more concerned about those who have weakly fabricated issues and are mostly seeking self-pity and attention. They might not be the majority of people here, but there are some I believe who mostly live to portray themselves as victim and are attention seeking. But .. that in itself is a mental health issue isn’t it?