Is there something wrong with my brain?

Hey everyone.

So, basically my boyfriend has been complaining for a few months that we are not able to have long conversations. I was in a rough spot at the time and felt like he was being unconsiderate and not taking into account the bad place I was in mentally and emotionally. However, I started to look back and now I don't even know what is real anymore: if I actually suck at complex conversation, or if all the crap I went thru + him making me insecure about it made me have blockages or made them worse. I am worse for sure, much worse. I just don't know if I have just been having this problem for a long time. This might be a bit long so please bare with me, I really need some help in this so I thank you ahead of time if you will give me your insights.

So, I'm a bit of an introvert. It has its phases, but one thing that is really hard for me is to have a flowing conversation with a big group of people. Other than that, I used to be good with conversation one-on-one or with a small group of friends I'm comfortable with (or when I drink ah!). I'm able to be funny and upbeat, or used to before this past year and all the crap that came with it. Now with all the insecurity and overthinking it become harder to just talk instead of think and to feel good around people to be honest.

I have always had a problem with info retention. Even things I love, it's really hard for me to watch a documentary for example and remember anything after, say, a week or two. My boyfriend on the other hand has an amazing memory. So he can talk about anything and everything he read about once, like history, and I will just try to come up with some small little detail or whatever I might remember.

And this basically, I believe, makes it hard for me to hold conversations about complex knowledge topics. I'm really good at debating things, talking about psychology and feelings, some events, etc. Basically things that I can think on the spot. I feel I'm a very big picture type person and always loved creating connections in my mind. But actually memorizing stuff... I've talked about my bad memory with a few people and they say "I just didn't REALLY learn it". Ahm, NO. I really just can't keep it at all.

So to cut this short, I'm terrible at telling a story in a compelling way. I just skim over stuff. It's hard for me to talk about something in detail, whatever it is. I'm terrible at using more formal language. I'm usually very direct and I notice this a lot in college at presentations or papers. I notice people around me are able to talk about cars and books and movies somewhat extensively. Unless I watched it recently and it has some moral story or something I can link with something else, I can't do it. I noticed also at my last job, my co-worker was impressed when suddendly I started talking about marketing which is my area of study. She said she "liked to see me talking about something like that" which was more extensive than usual I guess and that stuck with me. I guess people really do see me as uncapable of holding a conversation. Also one of my cousins had lunch with my family and me once and she didn't talk much but when she did, she was somewhat eloquent, and then again capable of talking about something like cars and my dad complimented her. I didn't feel bad about him saying it, just that I feel I'm not that person and that even makes it hard for me to connect with my own dad. I also feel this past year it became worse. I also forget words sometimes when trying to express myself.

I'm interested in a lot of things (you can check my bio if curious), and I feel I am someone with a deep mind that questions life and loves to learn and talk. However as my focal interest changes, my past knowledge evaporates as well. And I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the person that can only talk about superficial stuff or in superficial ways.

It really is taking a toll on me and I feel I will never make a long lasting connection with anyone to build a relationship and a family with :(

Btw, english is my second language. I know it's not perfect but I think you can tell I'm not "dumb". Also for some reason I'm more elaborate in english than my own language.

Thank you if you read up until this point and for any help <3