New and trying to find a light in the tunnel...

Not really sure how this works. I joined yesterday. I'm Wendy and I have to beautiful boys 20 and 25. I am 45 and I've been with their father 28 years. It's been an abusive relationship physically for the first six to 8 years and then mentally and emotionally abusive to current. I'm just realizing that he's a narcissist and recently I really looked back over the years now that the boys are grown and gone and I've been allowing him to manipulate me, lie to me, abuse me, and degrade me for all these years and it wasn't until the last year that it really punched me the extent of the abuse. I have no friends and have cut ties with family because of him years ago and it's so lonely. He sits at the bar all day and evening and I sit here anxious, nauseous, and completely alone. I don't even know who I am anymore or who I was to begin with. I just feel hopeless mostly and like what's the point anymore.