Lessons Learned: Letters from Experienced Mods to their Newbie Mod Selves:
soulsings writes https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xfcpuEz7fXMxCxl5ehuEVTEZ-oO9shNe1IYfcqA_EwA/edit?usp=sharing
Hi Mod Newbie. Welcome to the hardest job you can have at 7cups! Somedays you may have people attacking and threatening you or trying to circumvent the guidelines. They may say Mod Alert when you come in the room. They may call you bad names. Do not let any of that get under your skin. You are bigger than that and do not wallow in the mud people sling at you. You are here for a higher calling: to help other people and to keep 7cups a safe place.
There are great times too when people may thank you for leading a discussion that has changed their life! It does happen but not as often as we like. The skills you are going to need are patience and compassion. Everyone, even the taunters and disrupters, needs empathy and compassion. People do not act like that calling people names if they are happy. They are miserable and suffering from deep wounds. Do not hate them. They at least need you to be neutral to them if you cannot find compassion in your heart.
Remember that no mod can get rid of all the problem people. Sometimes we can just deflect the criticism and change the flavor of the discussion. Sometimes we can only calm things down for a while. So dont try to sterilize 7cups. It will not be a place that people would inhabit. Everyone does not feel what you feel or believe what you believe.
What you can do as much as you are able to is make 7cups a better place to get support for people who want support. Keep the discussions going and keep supporting the people who really want to change the direction they are heading. Keep the discussions safe but be kind and compassionate. Be willing to give out 3 verbal warnings to try to calm things down before passing out warnings.
Be careful who you give warnings to. Sometimes the disrupters try to get people who want to calmly discuss things agitated and angry. When the mod starts giving them the warnings then the disrupters slip away. Use discretion when giving warnings and restraint so that the bystanders are not baited into being upset and getting caught instead of the instigators. Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Try to mod with someone else so you are not faced with this alone. The more secure you are as a person the more stress you can handle without getting over emotional.
Remember everyone, even those that throw mud on you, are your friends. They may not know it now, but being a mod is so difficult if you have enemies. Only have friends. And be a friend to all. Maybe they will just learn to be a friend too someday.
Letter to your past mod self:
Think back to when you first started as a group mod.
Write a letter to your past self about what you wish you had known about being a moderator when you first started.
What skills would you tell yourself to focus on?
What challenges, obstacles or lessons would you want to have learned when you were first starting?
Take some time to reflect on what you have learned and also give yourself credit and appreciation for making it through any potentially tough situations.
@Kate,
Thank you for this, I havent been here long so I hope this can count
What skills would you tell yourself to focus on? Learn not to hold things personal, . And do remember to give verbal warnings before hitting the Mod Button
What challenges, obstacles or lessons would you want to have learned when you were first starting? Members will do there best to hurt your feelings or make you mad to get a free pass or to cause you guilt. And to know that your doing your job to keep others salf and in a peaceful place.
Take some time to reflect on what you have learned and also give yourself credit and appreciation for making it through any potentially tough situations. Every day I tell my self im making the word better with a verbal warning and I am showing that im not easy to be bullyed or pushed around. And for each time i am in that room and can have fun or teach someone a new skill then im doing my job right.
@Reececup1986 thanks for sharing that letter !
@soulsings
Thank you
People will be nice to you just so you don't warn then in the future. Don't let that intimidate you. Be kind. Be fair. Even if your friends mess up.
@AiluraBlaze being fair and even handed gains more respect than playing favorites.
@soulsings That's what experience has show!
4th June 2017
Hey there, Era! Congrats for being a new mod! I'm proud of you for trying a new role that's out of your comfort zone. I know that it can be hard to be a mod. Mod hate exists and people will hate you for your mod performances. But hey, don't let them discourage you. I know you know that people don't have the right to bully you or bring you down but sad to say, it happens. Not everyone will like you and that's okay. As long as you're doing your job accordingly and trying to improve the supportive community of 7cups by steering the conversations to appropriate ones, you're doing it right.
Please do take care of yourself! I know how much you love the rooms and being in a group interaction but please avoid burning out. Even though at times you're the only global mod available to mod the room, please don't push yourself to your limit. You cannot mod if you're being irrational and emotionally unstable, make sure you've an open mind while modding so you can focus on the rules and your role as a mod you're upholding.
Always remember where you came from and your role as a listener, don't just enter the rooms to just mod the conflict but also try to listen to what everyone is saying. Welcome them in to your PMs and discuss with them what caused them to act that way only if they're willing to do so. People would lash out in the group chatrooms because of what they believe in and their opinions, don't try to take it personally and keep in mind that people will always have a weaker and softer side. Sometimes showing extreme feelings of anger can be their defense mechanism for other people not to see how they're struggling in real life. That's totally understandable, please still try to see the good in everything and believe that people are just hurt that led them to take it out in the rooms.
With that, I also want to remind you not to be too soft-hearted. If they keep breaking the rules and act inappropriately that's harming the other participants of the room, please take an action. People want to be safe and be supported and not be harassed nor be judged online. Know when it's right to give reminders and warnings/mutes.
Lastly, I wanna commend you for your eagerness and willingness to help out in the rooms. You're doing it awesomely! You're always trying to be fair and not let favoritism take over you. Please keep that fire burning. If you're thinking of quitting, remember why you started. It'll not be an easy journey. But congrats for being so tough!
-Era, 31st March 2018
Though, @soulsings, @AiluraBlaze and @reececup1986 have already written what I also wanna tell my newbie mod self, I still made one personally hehe :3
@Erato I love your letter. 
@Erato
Thanks and Love this to its uplefting and sweet. I do see your point
@Erato lovely letter that speaks to all of us. Thanks for posting this.
@soulsings @Kate @Katmae @Alex This is So helpful! Yes, I have had death threats, been called terrible names, etc... I have been excited to go into a room and just have some conversations with people, only to have them all leave, or say something along the lines of "Hey, you wanna go into the _____ room, a stupid mods here", etc... But this job is also fun, and It's so rewarding to get pms after a discussion about how helpful you are, or to hear that your someones favorite 
I'll admit, when I first started I was under the impression discussions were a 1 man job, I didnt need any help, boy was I wrong, It's so nice to get that extra support, someone to pump up the chat, or help you control a angry member, etc whatever it may be. Us mods need to be there for each other in the good times and bad, so thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way, even back when I was a newbie and didnt know what a mod was, or how to block a member! 
You've become a second family for me, and given me confidence, I'm not the lonely girl who sits by herself all day... I'm a somebody! I get to support people, I get the satisfaction of being able to give a helping hand to those struggling, and to me that means the world! *Huggles to my 7 cups fam*
@MissMeghan wow you certainly are growing and expanding. Way to go! Keep up the good work!
@soulsings
Loved the letters, soul! Maybe current mods can share theirs too!❤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou I agree -tagging a couple mods but feel free to tag others you know.
@amiablePeace77 @caringPanda45
@soulsings Woohoo let's revive this one! ❤
Tagging some amazing mods!
@brilliantturtle89 @kindsoul10 @pamharley003 @jujubears @fristo @lou73 @rumplesteeleskin
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou yes bring this thread back to life
@Jenna @Fristo
@soulsings
Thanks for sharing this post again!
@DonaldDraper @Goalsforlife
@amiablePeace77 Thank you for the tag 🧡
To my newbie mod self - you wont be using modding tools much haha
☀️Thanks for the tag @Sunisshiningandsoareyou ☀️
@DonaldDraper what I try to do is steer the conversation to a safe place without using the mod tools. I want to have people respond to encouragement and suggestion by making comments to dissuade someone from the path they are on.
It works sometime, but when it does not then there are mod tools to fall back on. Also it helps to have a cohost so one person can moderate if things crop up that need to be attended to and the other person can keep the discussion flowing on.
