Women's Shelter for Emotional and Mental Abuse
Not sure this is the right spot for this, and if not, please direct me to the correct one, thanks.
I just wanted to ask people's opinions on the following:
I've lived with a covert narcissist for 11 years and I just can't take anymore. I know for my own mental health I need to leave this relationship, but there are so many obstacles. And no matter how mad, disgusted, hurt, or what-have-you I get, I still have massive and overwhelming feelings of guilt when I think about leaving him.
I have a tremendous fear of abandonment, so how dare I even entertain the thought of abandoning someone? Because not only will I be abandoning him, I'll be leaving him stranded, also.
I tried moving in with the only friend I have, but that was like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. And besides, I had no choice but stay in contact with him (her "boyfriend" is my guy's best friend.) I know I have to cut him off entirely, or I'll end up going back to him like I've done time and time again.
So anyway, I was thinking about going to a women's shelter for domestic abuse. There he'd never find me, and they'd probably have a way to help me plan how to move forward and resources to help me keep my resolve. And there But I'm scared! The fear of the unknown, change, losing someone I love (even though I don't know why), being alone at [almost] age 64, no friends, no insurance, no family, nowhere to go, no money to support myself (not that he helps).
What's everybody's thoughts? Should I do the women's shelter thing and abandon and leave my guy stranded? Or try to learn how to live with the consequences of being with someone who totally messes with your head? Any suggestions, either way, or even something new I haven't considered?
Thanks in advance! 🌹
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What's
@blueAngel00 it's not an easy decision ofcourse. But it's either courage to accept or courage to change. Each option has their own consequences. Otherwise you'll continue be in the middle. Good luck!
Hi @blueAngel00, I loved and lived with my abuser too. From the very first time I thought about leaving him, to the time I actually did it, years passed. It also took several attempts, because either he looked for me or I came back for any reason. Yes, I know it's hard, very hard. And yes, I know the feeling of guilt it causes, let me tell you this: that's his voice talking to you. That's the way he wants you to feel.
For whatever reason he treats you this way, no one deserves to be mistreated like that. You don't have to learn to live with this situation. You deserve to feel safe, free, loved and happy. Seek help from someone you can trust. I do think you need to leave him, cause I cannot imagine a way to feel safe while you live (or you're still in contact) with your abuser.
One last thing. I don't doubt that you love him, but the thing that's keeping you from leaving is not love, it's fear. And the fear of abandonment doesn't make it ironic, it's part of this, it's what has been holding you, what he has been taking advantage of. Trust me, I know firsthand.
I won't lie. It will be difficult, you'll even miss him at the beginning, but I swear it's worth it. It has been such a long and rough journey, but I'm safe now, and I believe you can be too. Be strong, hold tight. Learn to love yourself. It's never too late.
I think the shelter is a good idea.
I sincerely wish you the best.