I don't know how to help my husband, he suffers from depression and anxiety and I'm trying to recover from my cesarean section.
I have had difficult days and sometimes I lose strength. I do not want to be selfish but sometimes I can not. I do not know how to help my husband. I do everything wrong. He wants me to be his support and give him peace but I always make mistakes and that makes him feel bad and he drinks and tells me the worst rudeness I have ever heard. I came to think that I deserve it, that I am the bad one. Little things that for me are for him trigger an ugly fight. If I do not fix my hair, if I talk about the news, if I went to buy him a meal, if I tell him not to drink but to do exercises, etc. Since my pregnancy I do not sleep. I dealt with his possible suicide, that caused me to have a premature birth. Then in my recovery I could not because first there are his crises and since I do everything wrong, I have no one to turn to because I do not want his family to see him badly, my soul is shattered, he has treated me like the worst woman. I do not know what to do.
@humorousTown4473
You can only change yourself you cannot change him....
you may do things differently but that does not mean they are wrong.... drinking and depression are not a good combination and covering for someone is only enabling them ...Perhaps if his family knew how he was it would be incentive for HIM to change... blaming yourself does NOTHING to lift him out of his issues. first you should take care of your own mental health. You have a child now you do not need to treat him like one.
His family knows about his problems, when he has a crisis he calls his father and tells him everything, I have made a list of rules of things that he wants me to do, mentally I feel tired today I cried in the bathroom and he just told me that he doesn't care what I feel, that I am guilty of everything and of stealing his happiness, he accused me of being a thief and asked me for bills from the house, I feel so offended, he called me a prostitute, interested, that hurts
@humorousTown4473
No one is ever guilty of stealing another persons happiness ....
If this is not how he wants his life to be what solid changes has he done... it is obvious he is not working with his partner on it? if he is stressed about bills / financial what has he done there ?
If you both want changes , One person waiting for the other to do x/ y z and then things will be better to do A/b/c it is not how it works .... life does not stop .... we age and the things we wanted to do become more urgent.... we play the someday game when in fact someday is kicking things down the road and never materializes on its own.
I know in one of the times early in my marriage spouse was going through a lot and drinking and blame when he stopped drinking and such the financial cleared up quicker then we imagined because the money he had spent on drinking / and covering it up this guy had a lot of altoids to hide breath.
@humorousTown4473
Hello. I am sorry to hear about the mixture of sadness, fear and confusion you must be going through right now.
Unfortunately, to me it looks like your partner has been developing the alcohol addiction problems. Maybe it is not a well-known fact, but alcohol consumption may cause depressive moods. Also, I believe the people who are depressed are usually down and low on energy. They may be easily irritated, but it looks too far from the psychical aggression and abuse you are experiencing from your partner now. I am afraid it is quite common for people with the alcohol addiction to blame everybody around for everything - except themselves.
What would you think about taking a different approach to the problem you are facing?
You cannot stop a drinking person from drinking. You cannot make a depressive person feel happy or satisfied. Trying to "step on the eggshells" to not irritate someone who needs to be irritated is a no-win struggle.
I believe being parents is a great responsibility, and I am sorry that you seem to be left alone with that. I guess many women in your situation might say: I've got a baby now - I don't need to care for another one, in an adult man's skin.
I think your taking care of your baby should be an absolute priority now. And taking care of yourself after the surgery as well. You deserve to be taken care of, not to be blamed for anything being just a pretext to another drink.
You are a valuable person, and your new born child needs you badly.
I lost count of crying, now I'm doing it, with my baby, he just drank again and blames me for everything, he asks me for the house, he always tells me that he is the only one who sacrifices everything and if it weren't for the fact that he has a daughter he would have killed himself, it hurts me to hear that, since yesterday I can't breastfeed my baby, nothing comes out, I feel mentally exhausted, the only thing is exploding, he wanted food, everything was closed, I wrote to him, I prepared food for him and he claims me, he asks for a divorce, he takes off his ring, I lost count of how many times he has called me manipulative, that I only want his money, etc.
@humorousTown4473
But first of all, if your partner is telling you he might want to commit a suicide, I believe you shouldn't try to solve the problem by yourself, but rather try to contact one of the following:
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (USA)
Call or text 988 or use online chat.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK(8255) or 1-800-SUICIDE(784-2433)
International Suicide Hotline & Resources
wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
He is with the doctor, I do not currently live in the USA, he returns to the USA in 3 days, I am in another country, but my concern is daily, I do not want anything to happen to him but I feel like the worst person, I feel alone, I cannot tell my family because I do not want them to think badly
