how do people do this?
i lost my brother a couple months ago due to cancer. i've since then moved across the country, leaving my car, boyfriend, mom, and cat behind. it's miserable. i sleep on an uncomfortable couch and work the worst job i've had in my life and i'm too tired to do anything. all i look forward to is every second i don't work, and most often, i want to sleep or find a distraction.
how do people do this every day for the rest of their lives? i know i'll eventually (hopefully) grow around the grief, and it'll never go away, but it's awful. he was the light of so many peoples' lives and it's heart wrenching to know he'll never come back.
@placidCircle6944 It is heart wrenching and the worst part about it is that there's nothing we can do. The feeling of anger, disappointment and helplessness is just so awful. A loss like that alters every life plan a person has ever made. I'm sorry to you, to me and to everyone who's been through this or is going through it<3
There's no stability in grief, no destination where we can stay. I guess we just have to run every which way that's visible till we're exhausted and just have to let the grief settle. But I really hope you don't distance yourself from the support that you deserve, there's healing in shared tears. Know that you're not alone<3
@placidCircle6944
I think there are at least two questions we might ask at the moment, and I hope it's not too early for you to think about the answers...
What are you running away from? Is it pain or guilt? I know from my experience that when our loved ones pass away, we may feel surrounded by "what ifs": What if the therapy was different or more successful? What if the diagnosis was earlier?
Also, people have different coping mechanisms. In a situation like yours some of them avoid places and things which can remind them of the missing person. Some of them struggle to accept the irreversible facts. Some "fight back", for example, by volunteering in a hospice.
The second question is: What do you want to punish yourself for? And how do you think, what is the best way to honour the loved person who passed away?
Some people after such a loss tend to live like a half of a life. Some believe they should live twice now, because the best way to show the respect to the missing person is to make them proud of us.
@placidCircle6944 I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the answer to this. I lost my father to cancer a little over a year ago and spent much of that time completely numb. He and I weren't real close (childhood stuff) but I was hoping there would be time to work through things.
@placidCircle6944
But, first of all, I am sorry to hear about your loss.