*TRIGGER WARNING* Missing him

*TW abuse / mental illness*

Feeling super lonely today, had to cut contact myself last night because the hot and cold was becoming too much. He blamed me for the abuse after trying to reach out for one last meeting and begging to see me the day prior. He said he acknowledged that what he did was bad and that I can take my time to heal before we ever try to reconcile, but then ignored me the next day and tried to claim I was the abuser, then the next day reached out again and was having a mental break, I comforted him through it, and then he got mad at me for being nice to him and blamed me all over again and said I made him a monster. He got upset and said I demonized him because I told his family and close women friends what had happened to me and made his family aware of his issues so they could get him supports. It’s been an exhausting 12 days. Still feels like I’m missing a big piece of me and I’m in a bit of a depression cause we lived together and there’s so much leftovers still. A lot of it was severe mental health issues. I don’t want him to be locked up by any means in jail or otherwise, but I did just genuinely want to see him get the help he needed so I could start healing and not have to worry about him offing himself or going and doing something dangerous. Something in his anger about me telling people what happened made me angry though and I began not hiding it. Letting myself vent on *** even if it’s just for private followers to see. Letting myself be angry at him. It’s just hard to accept that he was that bad and that he wasn’t the person I fell in love with. He made that person up.