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azureCoconut2121
2 2,774 M Hopeful Heart 6
PathStep 43 Compassion hearts319 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes26 Current upvotes26 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 4, 2024
Bio

Here for community, just got out of a very abusive relationship.

Recent forum posts
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*TRIGGER WARNING* Missing him
Grief & Loss / by azureCoconut2121
Last post
 January 20th
...See more *TW abuse / mental illness* Feeling super lonely today, had to cut contact myself last night because the hot and cold was becoming too much. He blamed me for the abuse after trying to reach out for one last meeting and begging to see me the day prior. He said he acknowledged that what he did was bad and that I can take my time to heal before we ever try to reconcile, but then ignored me the next day and tried to claim I was the abuser, then the next day reached out again and was having a mental break, I comforted him through it, and then he got mad at me for being nice to him and blamed me all over again and said I made him a monster. He got upset and said I demonized him because I told his family and close women friends what had happened to me and made his family aware of his issues so they could get him supports. It’s been an exhausting 12 days. Still feels like I’m missing a big piece of me and I’m in a bit of a depression cause we lived together and there’s so much leftovers still. A lot of it was severe mental health issues. I don’t want him to be locked up by any means in jail or otherwise, but I did just genuinely want to see him get the help he needed so I could start healing and not have to worry about him offing himself or going and doing something dangerous. Something in his anger about me telling people what happened made me angry though and I began not hiding it. Letting myself vent on *** even if it’s just for private followers to see. Letting myself be angry at him. It’s just hard to accept that he was that bad and that he wasn’t the person I fell in love with. He made that person up. 
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FTM Trans Partner Aggression (Trigger Warning: mention of abuse, sa, psychosis/mania , hormone therapy)
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by azureCoconut2121
Last post
 January 23rd
...See more My partner became very aggressive and physically abusive to me halfway through the relationship, and I’ve been noticing signs of underlying issues as well. It started getting bad when he began taking T again, but he was not taking it regularly so it seemed like a revolving cycle of constant anger and abuse because his hormones would never actually have time to settle. He purposely skipped doing his shot one day because he didn’t feel like walking to the clinic in the snow apparently, even though I said I’d go with him. Other times it just got too expensive. I’m well aware it doesn’t excuse the abuse and I’m going to counselling and doing my own healing because i can’t be with him it’s too much the cheating the lying and all the physical and sexual abuse , but because I did care deeply for him and still do I told his mom what happened and about my worries about him being in some sort of a spiritual psychosis or mania and she’s going to try and get him the help he needs. He gets in these “i am the messiah” moods and has been in one for days. He keeps calling everyone evil and saying the truth will prevail and just talking all sorts of crazy nonsense that probably makes perfect sense to him. We’ve (his mom and I) both been briefly researching it though and it seems there’s a connection between taking testosterone and becoming more aggressive. Between the patriarchy that also trains men to be violent to fit in, the trauma that each individual carries, the lack of resources available just in general for trans people to begin with, and this, has anyone else had really dangerous or bad experiences in relationships with trans mascs? Posting here because I in no way mean to add to any stigma or imply that all trans men are violent, but if this is a studied phenomenon why is it not talked about more within the 2SLGBTQIA+ community so there can be more adequate resources so innocent people don’t get caught in the crossfire?
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BPD
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by azureCoconut2121
Last post
 January 15th
...See more (trigger warning domestic violence, SA, court system) My ex partner may have bpd or something or some sort of other mental health conditions and has pre-existing ones and an unfathomable amount of childhood trauma and otherwise, but he became really physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive to me and we recently split this Monday (the straw that broke the camels back was after all the psychological torture and pain he’d put me through, he was cheating on me too because I wasn’t feeding his ego enough because I was so exhausted from being put down constantly and beat up if I asked about it. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions that I’m still in and out of, I can’t stop missing him it hurts so bad I haven’t slept in my bed yet and haven’t eaten much or showered or brushed my teeth. but he seems to have just moved on and I don’t want him to think he’s getting away with it. I just can’t stop feeling guilty, he does deserve help too but I deserve justice, I’m just conflicted if pressing charges is the way to go right now. Preparing anyways, but honestly he *** with my head so much I don’t remember a lot of the incidences clearly, just that it was terrifying and I don’t know how it escalated so quickly from me asking simple questions. I have pictures of some of the bruises, and audio recordings and texts with him admitting it. And witnesses that may be willing to testify if I do, but the idea of putting him through the system is still so scary because I do care and want him to get help but he refused when we were together and is refusing to now still, he just sits at home in his own thoughts or works his feelings away which is the equivalent to running away from them in my opinion. I just wish in a different universe he didn’t go through so much in his life so he didn’t put me through the same things. Hurt people hurt people and it really *** sucks letting those people go.
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Bf spiritual pyschosis
Religion & Spirituality / by azureCoconut2121
Last post
 December 10th, 2024
...See more TW Mental Health / Abusive Relationship I’ve been with my partner for a little over a year, it started out pretty good, but it’s become really nasty the last few months, to the point that I’m scared. They’ve had opportunities (much more than I have mind you) to access mental health supports, and is already connected but refuses to use them. They’d rather blame everything on the stars, deities, and spirituality. Every bird, every single thing I drop on the floor, even abusive episodes they’d rather blame on the stars than take accountability for or just accept as is. It was one thing when it was to deal with their own struggles, but now it’s being used to excuse their abusive behaviour towards me, and they’re trying to force his beliefs on me even though Ive expressed multiple times in the past (politely) that it makes me uncomfortable and negatively impacts MY mental health. I consider myself spiritual, as I’m a reconnecting native and I do find certain practices helpful, and I’m quite intuitive. I don’t like talking down on others if it’s not hurting anyone, but his are and I’m at a loss, been feeling like I’m surrounded by a lot of negative energy claiming to be “healing” and “feminine” energy. Anyone else have really negative experiences with people that claim the be “witches” but just learned everything on ***/online and rolled with it?
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Trigger Warning Transphobia/Abuse
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by azureCoconut2121
Last post
 December 19th, 2024
...See more I wish I didn’t live in such a rural transphobic town. It’s so dangerous to be trans in a lot of places right now, and my partner is a POC as well, so it keeps me up at night sometimes worrying about them. However, they’ve become kind of mean (a bit of a generous term) lately. I just wish I could talk to someone about it. I don’t feel safe talking to anyone outside of the community about it, but I don’t want to isolate them from the community either. I’ve been using 7 cups support groups to get through tough times lately because I feel so lonely and unheard in real life.
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