Lost of my 6 week old daughter to SIDS
It's been 18 years since I lost my daughter and on this day I lost myself. I have a husband and 2 sons and have been there physically but mentally I have been gone. I forgot how to communicate with anyone. I try to be there but my mind is so blank. The last 18 years I have built my life around this and I am the only one in it. The blame and guilt I have for not saving her. I was her mother and I was her protector and I have failed at both. I don't deserve anything because with a mistake like this how can anyone live with there self. I quit self caring for myself since and it's been 1 health emergency after another and husband always makes me go to the hospital when I fight with him that I don't need to go. Just give me 1 more day to see if I am going get betterI have tried consuling, physiatrist's, meds, drugs, and alcohol and can't seem to find anything that helps. I have been stuck but the days and time keep going. Why can a healthy 6 week old die when I do so much damage to myself and I am still here?
@optimisticBirch1215 I am soooo incredibly sorry for your loss. I truly cannot imagine the pain you feel. While it has been 18 years since your sweet baby has passed away, she's definitely touched your heart and life in a tremendous way. While I may not be able to relate with you with the loss of a child, as a mother myself, I would like to remind you that your children will always be a part of you. Your daughter is and always will be a piece of you. I have no doubt that in her 6 months of life, you made sure she felt every ounce of love. May your daughter forever rest in peace and may healing find you and your family. Again, even though it has been 18 years... there is no time limit when it comes to grief and that's something we all do in our own way. I know you mentioned you have tried counseling, therapy, meds, and even not so positive methods to try and cope with the pain and heartache... but @optimisticBirch1215 have you considered prayer? I don't know if you believe in a higher being, but I do, and I would be happy to pray for you. I truly hope that you are able to find healing and come to peace with the unfortunate event of what happened to your sweet girl. <3 I hope you always cherish your sweet, beautiful memories of your daughter and that eventually when you think of her, you are able to smile. I will be praying for you! <3 Xoxo.
I did believe in a higher power and prayer. I had my 2 boys baptized and confirmed and use to help teach Sunday school but since Jennifer passed I don't believe in any of that anymore cause how could he choose a 6 week old baby that had her whole life ahead of her. If there truly is a God he would of already taken me I have already given him plenty of chances to.
@optimisticBirch1215 I'm so sorry you feel that way; it's truly heartbreaking! However, I respect your decision and I can see why you may think that way. However, ask yourself-- if you were to go today, who would you be leaving behind? You mentioned you had two boys and wouldn't they be without you? That, too, would be heartbreaking. 💔
I believe life has purpose and we are put here for a reason. You are here and alive for a reason! If you are feeling sadness, anger, resentment, or whatever... maybe it can help to let our Creator know how you're feeling. I believe what you feel is just all part of the grieving process and it can take time to heal. While you miss your sweet girl, please know her time on this earth was not for nothing. May Jennifer rest in peace and may you find the strength and peace. ❤️
I don't think the so called creator can fix this mess I have made. My boys are adults now but still living at home and if something shall happen to me they would eventually get over it as I did when my mother passed. Losing your mom isn't like losing a child. When she died I also did. She was born on Dec 22nd and Today Feb 5th is the day I found her unresponsive and had to bury her on Feb 8th which is also my middle son's birthday. Needless to say I haven't been able to celebrate Christmas nor my son's birthday. I always tell them it's just another day and nothing to special about it. I am still so very numb and have a lot of hatred towards those around me. I have built my own little world and I am the only one in it. I have tried pulling my husband and boys back in it but of course I fail at everything I do. I just wanna be all by myself and I keep pushing everyone farther away but no matter what I do they won't go anywhere. I am just so damaged and I have given up hope that I could ever be repaired
@optimisticBirch1215 Let's please try to remember that pain is subjective. While you may feel the death of a child is the worst pain, for others losing a mother, a father, a sibling, a pet, etc may be. Everyone loves differently and deeply, and loss is still a loss.
It's great you were able to find peace with losing your mom and heal. Please forgive me for asking but do you think the loss the your daughter changed your world forever because she was an innocent baby? Do you think had she lived a longer life and then passed that it would hurt less? Do you think, God forbid, the loss of another would hurt just as bad? You said your boys are grown and they would eventually get over it if you were to go. But that's not fair to them. They didn't ask to be born. They didn't get to pick their family. All life is precious! Yours included. You seem to have a supportive and loving family. Please be careful not to push those people closest away. You deserve to be loved and be supportive. Mothers are very important in children's lives. Mothers are literally the first person who are supposed to love children the most. As a mother yourself, you should know the importance. It doesn't matter at what age, there's nothing like a love of a mother. It's unconditional. ❤️ You've been hurting for so long. You deserve some peace. What happened to your sweet girl was not your fault or anyone's fault. Sometimes things just happen. At the end of the day, I will still keep you in my prayers from one stranger to another. I don't believe there's anything that God can't fix and praying for you and your family is the least I can do. ❤️ Sending hugs and prayers your way to comfort you.
Yes she was a very healthy, innocent baby that had her whole world ahead of her she didn't do anything wrong. No matter how old she were I carried her for almost 9 months, gave birth to her and formed a bound from that moment so no matter what age it going hurt. The loss of another one would probably crash me so that's why I don't wanna get close to anyone. How am I suppose to love anyone what ir even love
I would like to add that I am always present physically but having a real hard time being there emotionally. I also have a really hard time with self care I usually go without eating or drinking and always push myself till I end up in hospital have had a couple of close calls but my husband was able to get me to hospital in time. How can someone help others before helping there self? The lady I help (job only) no emotional attachment and I clean at the church in town (job only). Others say I am doing a lot better but I can't see what they see.
