Long-Term Sadness
After much reflection, I believe that one of the reasons I don’t like feeling sad and get uncomfortable when other people are sad is because I have an innate desire for connection. I love connecting with people and feel safe when I am emotionally and physically close to people. I derive a deep sense of fulfillment from sharing love and joyful memories. I understand and have experience connecting with people when I am happy, anxious, scared, frustrated, calm, etc… but I do not know how to interact and seek connection with people when I am sad. Instead, I feel a deep sense of uncomfortability, grief, and guilt when I am sad or crying in front of other people. Similarly, when other people express their sadness to me I feel uncomfortable because I am not sure how they would like me to respond or connect with them, and because I am not as in touch with the part of myself that feels sadness. I do not think sadness is an inherently uncomfortable or negative emotion, but with any feeling, even ones of happiness or excitement, bottling it up until it becomes incredibly intense fosters a sense of discomfort linked to that emotion. I’m not sure where my aversion to publicly expressing my sadness came from, maybe from my genetic makeup or societal views or family dynamics, but I feel a sense of regret that I do not know ways to connect with other people around this emotion. I do not mind feeling sad or crying when I am alone, but those opportunities are rare and I miss out on a world of closeness and connectivity with other people by only sharing my sadness with myself. I have years of unexpressed sadness bottled up inside me as a result of my avoidant tendency that manifests into frustration and anger when I am around other people. If anyone feels similarly and would like to share their experience or ways they changed this behavioral pattern please let me know.
@redTree7626
I just want to take a moment to acknowledge how deeply self-aware and insightful this reflection is. It takes an incredible amount of courage to look inward, recognize patterns, and articulate something as complex as our relationship with sadness and connection. You’re not alone in this.
So many of us struggle with sadness not necessarily with feeling it, but with **sharing it.** Somewhere along the way, we learned that sadness is something to be handled in private, that it makes others uncomfortable, or that it makes us “too much” to deal with. But the truth is, sadness is just as human as joy, and just as worthy of being seen and held by the people who care about us.
I completely understand that discomfort when others are sad too wanting to connect but not knowing how. The fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, of not being enough for them in that moment. But maybe connection in sadness isn’t about **fixing** anything. Maybe it’s just about presence. Just letting someone know, *I see you. You’re not alone. You don’t have to carry this by yourself.*
And maybe that’s exactly what you need too. To be seen in your sadness. To let someone sit beside you in it. I know it’s scary, especially after years of keeping it to yourself. But you deserve that depth of connection, even when you’re not at your brightest. You deserve to be held in all your emotions, not just the easy ones.
If you ever feel like taking a small step, maybe start with someone you trust. Someone who has shown you that they’re safe. Let them in, just a little. You don’t have to spill everything at once. Just allow yourself to be seen, even in the smallest way. You might be surprised at how it feels to have someone *stay* with you in that moment instead of turning away.
You’re not broken for struggling with this. You’re not alone in it. And you are absolutely, 100% worthy of being loved and held even in your sadness.
