Anger.

I’m full of anger. Not at his death but at the people who made it where I couldn’t spend more time with him.

my uncle passed away, October 11th 2024.

I did get to see him the week before for a couple minutes.

I had plans to see him again the next day but things happened and I didn’t get to. The last time I talked to him, he told me to swing by so we could chat more.

I had so much to talk to him about.

the last time I saw him was 2019, for the summer I got to see him a bit here and there. Before that, it had been sense 2014.

I never got to hang out with him a lot.

I never got to talk to him a lot.

I’m so mad I didn’t get to go back and talk to him before he passed.

One of the last things he told me

“Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t accept you for who you truly are”

Words I will live by.

I just don’t want to be angry but I’m so mad.

im mad at my friend for getting to high that I didn’t get to see him the next day.

im mad at mom for keeping me away from my father for so long when I was younger.

im mad at my dad for not fighting harder for me to spend time with him and everyone else.

im so *** mad.

I’m mad and I’m hurting.

I couldn’t even make it to his funeral and I’m so mad that I have to mourn his loss alone.

I’ve been alone ever since I found out.

I don’t have the will to text anyone barely.

I try to find distractions so I don’t sit in my anger but tonight it’s stewing so bad.

I don’t want to be mad at them but I am.

I want to scream at them.

I want to scream and tell them they made me miss out on so much of my life and on the people who have been in my life sense I was born.

I want to cut them out of my life.

I want them gone until they understand the pain and anger I’m going through.

I miss my uncle. I wish I had more time to talk to him as a grown up. Hang out as a grown up.

He was a safe space when I was younger. I knew when I went to his house it was okay, because they would be gaming in the other room and he’d let me watch Netflix on his TV and I’d get to relax from the work and stress my dad would put on me.

I could be a kid when at his house.

I could sit there with snacks and watch cartoons and not worry about the labor my dad would be making me do the next day.

I was a kid. He let me be a kid.

he was the coolest person to me growing up.

always had cool things.

had pet scorpions.

Showed us good movies.

talked about cool things.

I’d do anything to go back two weeks and be able to talk to him again.

but I can’t.

and it hurts. So bad.