Toxic habits I guess?

Several months ago, I was in a toxic online community and spent ages believing that everyone had unfairly blamed me for how unhealthy the place had gotten, and in some respects, I'd been unfairly judged, but lately I've been having the ugly realization that maybe...maybe the problem was somewhat me and I [even though it was unintentional and I was unaware of my behaviors] was a toxic person

-Though not with intent to cause harm, I put on a persona with people, figure out what they like, and use that to bond with them. I have slowly come to the realization that indulging in such behavior could be taken as manipulative, and even catfishing,

-I hate watching people suffer, and want them to see me as helpful/a good person, so I tend to be overly sweet sometimes. Again, I have slowly come to the realization that such a thing could be considered manipulative.

-I have trouble dealing with conflict, mostly because I am often unable to handle criticism and have a fear of confrontation.

-I tend to self-deprecate and blame myself, and when people take up their criticisms of me, my instinctive reaction is to self-deprecate and ruminate on those feelings. That may come off as victimization and I suppose isn't something that's healthy.

-I'm not often confrontational and can be secretive about certain aspects of my feelings on them. That may also be seen as problematic

-Sometimes I can self-deprecate myself into a rut and just feel compelled to leave a relationship with someone [not as punishment, but because they've hurt me so deeply and I want to avoid getting hurt]

I'm starting to feel horrible about my toxic behavior, and wish I could go back and apologize for everything but I just have to accept who I was back then, and that I hurt the people I hurt rather intentionally or not because there's no use going back to that community now. It's hard though, accepting that I really was an awful person, and probably a bad friend/fake person and other people saw me as such, when I wasn't even trying to be. The whole time I'd just seen myself as a good person who was trying to do the right thing.