I'm just worried about my girlfriend's mental health?
I have a feeling my girlfriend could be suffering with Bipolar or BPD. We've been together a year and a month now and everything was perfect at first but then over time, I started seeing that her mum abuses her emotionally quite a lot, and then she lost her grandfather and godfather within the space of a week and she became really depressed.
One night after an abusive skype call to her mum, I offered her my bath that I'd run for myself, she took it and tried to drown herself in it. I don't know if she really did try to drown herself or if she just wanted attention, but straight away, alarm bells were ringing in my head and I pulled her out and started draining the water. After that, she spent some time with my mum and they played a game together and I kind of just backed off wondering what to do.
I noticed her getting more and more depressed as time went on, waking up on a morning, turning some game on and not turning it off until around 2/3am in the morning. It was like this for around a month. Anyway, we went to visit her family (they're european so it was a flight away for me from home) and I was invited to stay with them for two months. I saw the abuse from her mother all the more clearly then. She was forcing her to work over 16 hours a day without a break or without food. I think me and her actually got to go out about two or three times together within the space of two months. That's about 3 days out of over 60. She became worse and worse as the time went on, and I even came home early which I don't think she liked.
I tried to tell her that her mother was toxic and was doing all of this to her, but of course, she's her mother and it's not going to go in. Then she would abuse her and my girlfriend would believe me, but then she'd soon distance from me again and start being depressed and taking it out on me. I'd promised to stick by her regardless and I have done.
Anyway she came back to the UK about a month after me (we're at university together and it's how we met) and due to a long story, she's been living with me and my parents since early this year. But she came back a completely different person altogether. She became so angry, so lazy and so unethused. I remember this really ambitious girl who had her dreams all set out in front of her eyes and these days she doesn't want to put any effort into university whatsoever or into anything.
She's having these horrible mood swings and actually getting really abusive towards me. Mostly mentally but sometimes she pushes me around physcially. (I've ended up grabbing her sometimes in anger so I'm no saint..) but I'm depressed because I'm seeing her so hurt and she's not the girl I first met anymore. I know this is her mother's doing but getting that through to her is near enough impossible.
I've been reading a lot on Bipolar and BPD and many suggest that this is caused by parental abuse and poor upbringing. Her dad is a lovely guy but he is also controlled by his wife (aka her mother) so she controls and abuses her whole family and they just let her do it. Apparently her mum also had an abusive unbringing though.
But this scares me thinking my girlfriend is already going to end up the same. I'm already seeing the same traits sometimes and I then think that years down the line she could end up like that. Sometimes I look at her and she looks like her too.
I want a future with her and I love her unconditionally but these days I just can't see it. I just don't know what to do anymore..
@JLL118 Can you directly describe the woman? I was raised by an emotionally/mentally abusive mother (my father was not around) and I saw it as normal until I was about 16. After I got into college, I started looking for a place to live b/c I couldn't take the woman's demands and especially for money. Her theory was that she raised my brothers and I alone, so we owed her for all the "hard work". Yea .. I think your girlfriend feels obligated to please her mother regardless of her orders, negativity, and criticism b/c that's still her mother. We feel inceparable around anyone else, but when we get the littlest critical comment from our mother's, it hurts like hell. My mother used to criticize everything about me. I was never good enough. And now I am a mechanic, she still makes fun of me, yet wants me to fix her car for free! It's all a game. These women are insecure w/themselves and regret the mistakes they made as young adults, so they try to live their lives through their children. Their children screw up or have different interests, then they are shit. It is so sad the way these people think. And it is hurting your girlfriend. I think she should stand up to her mother. It took me awhile, but I did. And it feels great!
