I feel more awake when I'm dreaming
I've told so may lies that I don't know who I am anymore. I have voices in my head that tell me how pathetic and worthless I am, how very little would change if I didn't exist. I am ashamed to say that, although I have lead people to believe that I am recovering, blades are my only friends on those long dark nights when my mind won't let me sleep. That's most nights. I am afraid and alone and hopeless and I wish that I could escape from my head, from expectations, from judgement and from this life. I don't even know whether I'm sane anymore. Does anybody know what I mean? Any advice? Anything?
I know what you mean. You are not alone. I tend to hide the severity of my symptoms too. And withdraw from friends an family when things are bad. The times I've opened up people have been very kind and didn't judge. Have you tried the chats on 7cups? The loneliness chat can be cheering without getting into the heavy stuff. Hang in there and be kind to yourself in anyway you can.
And this link has things to do that help instead of self injuryhttp://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/page11
I feel like this quite often...
The voices in my head are critical of me too and they tell me that I'm stupid, ugly, fat, lazy and a waste of space. They constantly berate me and its very hard to ignore them. I never had them before. They seem to be new. I've always felt judged by others and never felt like I fit in anywhere. I'm sorry that you deal with it too but at the same time,I'm glad that I'm not alone in my struggle. I wish I knew what I coulddo(other than suicide) in order to silence them forever.
