I feel more awake when I'm dreaming

I know what you mean. You are not alone. I tend to hide the severity of my symptoms too. And withdraw from friends an family when things are bad. The times I've opened up people have been very kind and didn't judge. Have you tried the chats on 7cups? The loneliness chat can be cheering without getting into the heavy stuff. Hang in there and be kind to yourself in anyway you can.

And this link has things to do that help instead of self injuryhttp://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/page11

I feel like this quite often...

The voices in my head are critical of me too and they tell me that I'm stupid, ugly, fat, lazy and a waste of space. They constantly berate me and its very hard to ignore them. I never had them before. They seem to be new. I've always felt judged by others and never felt like I fit in anywhere. I'm sorry that you deal with it too but at the same time,I'm glad that I'm not alone in my struggle. I wish I knew what I coulddo(other than suicide) in order to silence them forever.