How to get started and not lose hope after been diagnosed with a psychological disorder
Hi everyone! A night of insomina!
My entire life I have felt worthless (to be loved, to be admired for my work) despite being a good person and being really, really good at what I do, I have acomplished yhings that I would never had dream.
I am full of love: for my husband, my three children, my friends and the world. But I keep on living in my shell, protecting myself for any possible pain and suffering lots. When I shouldn't.
My entire life I though something was inherently bad in me. That the 'good' switch didn't extist. That I could only be selfish, manipulative and demanding. I din;t know why I felt the way I did or behaved the way I did. And I disliked myself profoundly. I felt guilty for not being able to make my beloved ones happy.
Beign diagnosed (with PTD, Anxiety Disorder and some BPO traits) was a huge relief. There is something wrong with me. But is not inherent and it can be fixed. I can fix it, with help, commitment and work,
I am at the start of the road, so I have many fell backs. I always stand up. But when that happens it seems that I loose all hope of healing.
Can anyone connect to this? It would help me greatly to learn about how others cope.
Thanks a lot and peace to all!
@SadKindRedhead--Reaching out and asking for help or seeking support is a great first step. *hugs* You are very courageous and I love how you're facing this head-on and with hope. I would encourage you, as you begin this journey, to remember this: You are NOT your diagnosis. You are the same person you were before the diagnosis--it is simply a tool to more effectively manage your symptoms. Thank you for sharing your story! Take care!!
Dear @RocketsMom,
thank you for you kind and encouraging words. I am glad to have found a place where I can talk about this process, be understood and be able to share what I learn with others. It's a kind of paradox: before I got the diagnosis, I truly believed that it was my nasty behavior or my unstable mood what defined what I was. Having received a diagnosis has done the opposite: I know that this side of me is not the real me; I understand now that it is a particular disorder what has dominated my life for the last 30 years and that it has interfered with me being me. So no, my disorder does not define who I am. It's something that 'happens' to me, like to many other people. And I hope that the therapies I am about to start, my own commitment and the support of the people who cares about me will help me to overcome this disorder.
I remember myself as a beautiful, smart and kind child; always happy; always enjoying life; always sharing the best with others. The child is gone and the happiness and joy as well. But I have all the reasons; all the right reasons to allow the happiness and the joy of the old days to find their way to my hearth.
Again, thank you. Being here and reading from people like you makes me feel safe, understood and optimistic!
Have a happy weekend!
PS--I moved this to the "Get Support" general entries area as it was more relevant for this section. Hopefully many people read it and comment for you :)
