How To Realize I'm An Adult?
This is my first thread so I hope I'm doing this right, and I hope I've selected the correct topic.
I turned 19 back in late June and I have a difficult time realizing that I'm technically an adult now. I don't age regress, it's nothing like that. I've actually always "felt" more mature I guess. But now that I'm actually an adult, I can't wrap my head around it.
Things like asking my mom before I do anything. When certain things need done around the house, like laundry, I don't even think to do it. Like there's something in my brain saying "that's not your place yet, you're a kid, you just fold the laundry." If someone is attracted to me, my immediate reaction is "be careful, that person is a creepy p*do who only wants to use you"...But I'm not a child anymore.
It's like I've gotten comfortable being "the mature kid who does chores and doesn't butt into adult conversations" and now I struggle to be "the mature adult who works a job and socializes with other adults".
I'm supposed to be training to take over my mother's job soon. But my brain is screaming at me that I can't do this, I shouldn't be expected to do this, I'm a child, I need support...And I know that none of that is true. But I have to remind myself of it because apparently that's not the default thought in my head. Like I've been waiting for it to just magically click in my brain that I'm mature now and I know all the things, and I'm just now realizing that's not going to happen.
I have no idea what's wrong with me or how I'm supposed to fix this. I still expect the adult I'm with to order food for me at restaurants. I whisper what I want into my mother's ear and have her order for me. The idea of actually going out alone, talking to strangers myself, working a job etc--just being an adult--is surreal to me and I don't know what I'm going to do. It blows my mind that I'm going to be 20 next June.
@Zoe720
I have never felt like an adult, not even one day of my 57 years. On the other hand I am fiercely independent. If I can do it for myself I do and my independence feels threatened if someone attempts to do something for me that I can do for myself as if they think I am unable to.
This independence partially comes from how i was raised. No one in my family would ever tell you you can't do something. They would tell you that you shouldn't do some things but that's different. So if i said i was going to start an electronics company even thought i had no real experience, the response would be Oh. Not encouraging but not tearing you down either.
All i can say is go out on your own and fail, yes fail because once you have failed on your own you have nothing to stop you. You have already failed so it can't get worse but at least you have failed on your own, by your own sweat and tears. The other option is to be tied down to someone else. Even if that person means well they will never know your hart the way you do and what you need to be fulfilled.
@Gettingbettertoday
Thank you for replying. I was always an independent kid and I still consider myself independent, that's why the way I feel scares me. I don't want to be forced to rely on someone, especially as I get older, but my subconscious acts like I should. I'm hoping this will go away as I get more control over my life. (I live in the middle of nowhere and haven't been taught how to drive, so I really can't go most places by myself. I think being able to drive myself would help.)
The few times I've been able to do more adult things alone (like walking in public by myself), it feels exhilarating. A couple of days ago, I was able to successfully make a recipe by myself without supervision, and that felt amazing. I love that initial feeling of "now I don't have to ask for help next time". I just don't do stuff like that very often, so I think you're right. I should probably push myself to do these things more so I'm more comfortable with it, because the idea of relying on someone else forever is horrifying to me. I know I absolutely need to get it together, it's not an option. Just a struggle at the moment.
It also makes me feel a lot better to hear that you've never felt like an adult, and you're the same age as my mother. She's always been very independent and pushing me to be the same. She's my mentor and she always gets things done. It's comforting to think that she might feel the same way I do, yet she's still so amazing at everything she does. It's a little overwhelming sometimes, how much she pushes me to learn to do on my own. But I know I'd be a lot worse off right now without that push.
I see GettingBetter's reply and agree with them regarding trying and failing. That's the best way to learn in life. No matter how many books you read about life, your life will give you unique situations that only you can experience and learn from. So, yeah... this period could be very confusing, a bit scary and challenging, you might be uncertain about your own abilities or duties... but hey... it happens. It's pretty normal :) I wish you the best.
