Help

Hello everybody. I have a problem that doesn't sound like a problem: I'm very self-aware of my own mental health.

Let me explain. For the past couple weeks, I have felt myself starting to fall apart. I've been crying for no reason, losing my motivation, my anxiety's gotten worse, I can't breathe, I've been scratching my arms to the point of drawing blood, and when I'm home alone I scream obscenities at nothing and rip up cardboard boxes. I feel like everything I care about is being stripped away from me piece by piece and I feel empty inside.

I KNOW that these are all classic signs of depression, with dashes of anxiety thrown in just for fun. The problem is that, whenever I try to talk to someone, I can give very clear explanations for why I act the way I do and why I feel the way I feel. I scratch my arms because I feel empty inside, or because it gives my nervous hands something destructive to do during a panic attack (during panic attacks I get the urge to rip things up, etc). I can't breathe because anxiety. I scream and tear boxes because it helps with the release of frustration. The reason I'm losing my motivation is because I've had so much stripped away from me lately and it feels like nothing matters anymore. I know all this. I know myself very well.

But because I know myself so well and can explain everything I feel so clearly, NOBODY LISTENS TO ME when I say that I need help. All they can say is that they admire how self-aware I am, and that it's the first step to doing something about it. Great. Glad to hear it. What's the next step? My therapist is constantly telling me how well I'm doing, and it's SO. VERY. INVALIDATING. Nobody will believe me when I tell them I'm falling apart at the seams and it's getting really, really lonely. I don't know what to do.